Family Time

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Yesterday was Mother’s day, and I woke up to my alarm going off at 9:00. I usually sleep until 10 on Sundays, but have been enjoying getting up slightly earlier lately. Plus, my makeup look didn’t work out on Saturday, I wanted to try to squeeze in two looks as well.

I texted the kids, and was greeted with my usual Sunday fare of chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. My son carried those, and my daughter held a huge bag from Pandora! First to come from the bag was a gorgeous fuschia matte lipstick from Urban Decay called Menace that my son picked out. Apparently, he sat in the store with my photo and the lipstick samples and tried to match them. He will be 13 next month. He’s quite diligent. He was deciding among Menace, Alpha and EZ. He told me, even though I’m an Alpha, the colour wasn’t quite right. And he doesn’t think I’m EZ. Menace didn’t fit, but the colour is gorgeous!

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The cigarette holder in the middle is actually the Finger Brush. 

My daughter, 15, gave me a lovely glass box engraved with ‘Always my Mother, forever my friend’. So sweet. My husband gave me a bangle from Pandora, and of course we have the Finger Brush from Saturday. It’s called a finger brush because it’s supposed to mimic the action of your finger, in brush form.

Yesterday worked out well. I pottered and put on makeup, ND had very little pain and pressure. I was able to do two looks, no problem. Well, small problem. I was so tired by the end. I had to fight through.

Today I was battered, but I’ve managed. I played makeup today, I worked on an 80s look today that was fun. I was so tired and sore by the end. I needed a bath, too. I was going to bail, but I snuck up on myself. I almost dozed off inthe tub.  I was washing fast, before I fell asleep.

I’m fighting now to stay awake. I might get an hour before dinner. My back is killing me.  Gonna do it!

Hope your Mother’s day was great, Zebras! 😘

 

Friday Morning

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I did manage to get a Beauty blog post up for today. I’m pretty pleased with myself. I took the photos when I had a pain respite one day ( I’m having trouble remembering what day it is) and wrote the copy slowly yesterday morning. I slept from 2:00 PM until 9:00, took my medication, looked at my email and futzed around until 11:00 PM.  Then slept until 6:00 this morning.

This morning so far isn’t too bad. My neck and jaw is pretty sore. The back of my head hurts, and I have a headache starting to wrap around my head. I’m so nauseated and dizzy, too. I have wicked bedspins, it’s like being in a standing MRI, or when I had that barium swallow. Instead of just spinning flat, I actually feel like I spin top ways, then sideways. It’s awful. Better lying down, best on my side. I’m probably sleeping so much just to be away from it.

Things are definitely worse when I sit or stand, and get progressively worse the longer I am upright. 

I do feel much better, though. We are keeping an eye on things, and I am not having as much head pain as I was having. My memory and vision are both not really good either, just a bit hazy, but not alarming. That kind of just woke up feeling.

We’re pretty sure I’m not going to die from this, so we will evaluate on Sunday whether we go to the Emergency Room for evaluation. If I keep improving, then we will just try to be low-key and calm for a few weeks. Otherwise we go.

I took some daytime cold medicine this morning, so maybe this is what’s helping.

I have had so much good support through this. When my brain returns, I will thank you properly and link a great article.

Also, two Facebook friends have admitted to reading my adventures. That matters so much to me, you don’t even know. Sometimes I feel I’m passing through this life unnoticed.

Am I having a mid-life crisis on top of everything? 😁

I’ve found, as an adult, maybe I haven’t been so great at choosing friends. The ones I’ve clung to have kicked me, and the ones I’ve dismissed have shown themselves to be the gems. I’m probably not in a good space and haven’t been for a long time. I don’t think it’s something I can fix at the moment. It’s just a musing.

I need to remember I’m in survival mode at the moment and act accordingly.

I have to put things in perspective. Be selfish. Be okay with being selfish. That may be the toughest part.

I was thinking about it. So what if people think I’m an asshole? For the first time in a long time, I like me. I don’t have the time and energy to explain myself to people who don’t understand or listen anyway. I’ve been exhausting myself trying to be wonderful to people who don’t appreciate it anyway. I’m tired. I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of sending out care packages and getting a half-hearted ‘thanks’. I’m not a grandmother!

Anyway… rant over. I share a birthday with Dennis Miller. It comes naturally. 😂

OK,  Zebra peeps! I’m going to lie really still, because I just moved my neck and it hurts a lot now. Have a great day!

Some Thoughts Before My Head Implodes

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I do have some good news! The EDS clinic called yesterday. They wanted my GP’s information so he can be contacted for more information. At least they’ve heard of me! My husband called back, as I didn’t get the call.

My head wasn’t as bad this morning when I woke up, but the pain progressed as time has. It’s been two and a half hours and I can feel it settling in nicely. My husband did get a response from my doctor, and apparently whoever answered the call said there is no way it could be chiari malformation because it would have shown up on my barium swallow (?) I really wish he hadn’t said anything about my fears. I also have a skull fracture at the back of my head that may be affecting things. It’s been raining here all week, is sunny today, and is supposed to rain again tomorrow to Sunday. I thought that had something to do with it, but I’m hurting again today, so that doesn’t seem right.

I thought I’d blog early before the emotions and pain get too tangled.

I know I sound like an asshole much of the time. You’re getting real, unvarnished here. What I usually hide. What I find so challenging is, I should be falling back on the friendships I made years ago. But I didn’t make those. I’ve explained my weird adulthood before. Moving across the country, my ex-husband alienating any friends I did have, working too hard and making poor friend choices led to those relationships falling apart. Finding a group as an adult and being drummed out because I was accused of being a drug abuser (I wasn’t, someone decided an increased prescription dose = me freely taking as many pills as I want. I don’t talk quite as much as I used to, but that was a side effect of that stupid medication as well.) A couple of long – term friends, but they are spoonie, too. We rarely see each other or even talk. But they are really good people.

Some of the friends I did have don’t know what to do with me now that I can’t go out. They don’t even invite me over when they have movie nights at home. I could do those. I don’t even hear from them. Not even casual emails. It’s as if I ceased to exist.

My Mom tries so hard, bless her, but I need a Mom.

My husband is so busy looking after me, I rarely see him.

I really try to be a fun, happy person most of the time. I wonder if these episodes are just too intense for some people. It’s just right now I need friends most of all, just knowing someone cares means a lot to me. I’m probably looking in the wrong place or asking for the wrong things.

I just find so many are suspicious or angry or defensive, you cannot approach anyone. It’s harsh out there, and in all honesty, I’m getting tired. I’m getting tired of having my head bitten off when I ask for help. I’m tired of having it bitten off when I offer help.

A friend of mine, a friend I went to elementary school with, is a nurse. She is one of the most caring people I know. She wrote on her Facebook wall “I must be the first person in the history of the world to cancel a doctor appointment because of not feeling well.” Now, I don’t demand everyone think about me before they post something, but that hurt, it was so tone deaf and out of character. I mean, I’ll live, but…

Okay, the head is hurting time to vape. Nausea is rising.

Have a great day, Zebras! 😘

Just Keep Swimming

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I’ve spent the last five days or so sleeping for at least half the day, and I’m still exhausted. I just don’t have the strength nor energy to do many of the things I want to do. I really have to think about what I want to accomplish and where I can spend my energy. If a conversation runs over, so long bath! My daughter had a panic attack this morning and I am pretty much done for.

My husband has this idea in his head that I’m bored. Nothing could be further from the truth! I have lists of things I want to do! I have makeup looks I want to do, books unread and stacked, waiting, crochet projects, movies to be watched, blog posts to write, friends to chat with! As it is, I am busy from morning until night when I have the energy. I can’t seem to convince him, and it makes me so sad.

My neck is so bothersome I just can’t take it. I move wrong and I have intense pain. I don’t know what to do about it. I’m waiting for my doctor appointment in six weeks. Hell, I have pain when I don’t move. I’ve considered going to the hospital, but really, what can they do? My abdomen is also giving me incredible pain. I’ve run out of the higher THC mmj my doc prescribed. I only vaped extra once, so that doesn’t work. I ordered yesterday, so yay.

Good news, I broke 200 lbs! I’m 198 now. I don’t really know how to stop this. I guess I will stop when I’m there? I’m eating what I can, not trying so hard.

Going to try a nap for a couple hours, then try and put a face together, because it’s fun! 😀

Hope you’re having a good day, Zebras!

So Hungry!

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I am so darned hungry and so darned nauseated at the same time! I really want a hot meal. I want French fries smothered in disgusting gravy and bacon and sour cream. Yesss.

I didn’t receive quite as much pain relief today, but enough that I was able to play makeup for a while. I had fun, and my back didn’t hurt much. My neck was killing me, though. It’s funny, pain is like an onion. You clear one ache up and there’s something lurking underneath. I think it’s our brain’s way of coping. I don’t think we can cope with it all at once, so our brain stacks the pain. I don’t know, it’s just a theory I have.

I didn’t have a nap today, surprisingly. I’m ready to drop now, but I pushed through today.

Today is pretty boring. I’m feeling pretty boring. I’m out of energy. I don’t have the spoons. I can barely move my fingers. My stomach is growling noisily.

I even started a book the other day. It’s good, I’m enjoying it. I miss reading.

Hope you’re having a good day!

Happy spring, Zebra friends! 😙