Sick? Well, I Feel Sick.

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I’m not certain if I’m actually ill or if my body just quit on me. Not that dramatically, of course. I am aware it could quit to a much greater degree.

I should probably stop here and warn you this might get a bit weird and rambly, as I have spent the past couple of days on nighttime Tylenol cold and flu trying to keep my sinuses clear, because otherwise my head is killing me. I have eaten, but I should eat more. My stomach is playing a horrible game of Would You Rather? with my head: if I stay lying down, my heartburn is horrific. I breathe fire! If I sit up, my stomach is better, but my head hurts. I have fun arranging pillows and stuffed animals in various positions… as I was rambling 

So, ahem, I am lying in bed watching trashy tv and eating bon bons and cold pizza, dressing in cute outfits, shopping for more, applying masks, lotions, and thoroughly enjoying it. I am prioritizing myself. Of course, I have worked up to this. Wednesday and Thursday I slept. The mask and lotioning is tbd after nap. I am so exhausted. I feel like something is going on, sinus-wise, and I have huge dark circles under my eyes. It’s quite tough to tell, because I use a CPAP and the constant air pressure keeps your sinuses in your nose fairly clear.

I am staring down one of my biggest fears. What!? I have a lot. This one happens to be: Being thought of as lazy. Even if it’s only me who knows, at least I know I did something. It’s not good for my health.

What scares me? I’m enjoying the relaxation. I’m scared that I won’t be ready for work (not real work, since im pretty sure that ship has sailed, I mean like for family and stuff) when I need to be. What if the world falls apart without me?

What if it doesn’t?

I’m going to laze around for a few more days. I’m enjoying how my breathing is so much smoother. My husband is thrilled because he thinks this is what the doctor intended. All rest, all the time.

These days it does take all my strength and concentration to get anything done.  I know I’m supposed to get in touch with so many people but I don’t think I can function that way at the moment. I’m trying!

Hugs.

I’m falling asleep…🙁

The Sleep Monster!

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The sleep monster has had me for the past couple of days. I start nodding off around eleven am, I get up around six am, so five hours isn’t bad… I decide to lie down for an hour or two and I end up sleeping for six or seven hours. I wake up just in time to have a small snack and go back to sleep. It’s very disheartening, because there are so many things I would like to do. We always hope this is temporary, but you just never know how long it’s going to last.

When these sorts of things crop up, we have to make decisions. Decide what our priorities are. Our worlds get smaller. We have to decide what to keep and what to cut. It’s not easy. Friends tend to pull away. I’m to weak to worry right now.

I’ve lost another five lbs. I’m on the verge of 200 at 202. I’d love to break 200, but I’m worried. This week was due to nausea and sleeping through dinner. Five lbs a week is also too much. What can I do? I eat when I can.

I am scheduled for Botox injections on April 4. That should help. Until then… I did receive the stronger Cannabis, both in THC, but mostly CBD, but husband needs to grind it, because even though it’s milled, I like it finer. Picky, picky!

This has taken a lot out of me. I need to rest. Soon.

Happy Zebras! 😘