I had lofty intentions for this blog, but it seems to have devolved lately into a daily diary of my exploits. I could have said pain – but that’s just melodramatic. 😄 it’s kind of true, though.  I really do document my day to day pain at this point. I am in Survival mode, essentially.

…I started writing several hours ago. I’ve been distracted, had a nap, fielded a call from my daughter’s art teacher, (she suffers from anxiety, and has had spotty attendance this past month. He was concerned, understands, thinks she’s awesome. She endeavoured to turn in an assignment today, even though she was struggling).

As I was saying, I feel like I’m still in survival mode. I’ve had to shed most of my activities not actively related to living. This morning I felt as if I had taken a step out of the ooze. It’s great when I can add things back, like playing with makeup. Geez. Putting on makeup is something most people take for granted. For me, playing can take two or three hours for a simple face. A face most people would put on for date night. It takes me so long because I rest between steps, lie down, have to stretch.

I had to tell my mom I needed some space for a bit. I feel so responsible to her, but if I don’t get to her for a bit (Dad too, of course) I feel guilty, but I need to strip my life for a bit again. Just the basics. Making sure I get enough sleep, eating properly, taking my medicine and vitamins, bathing – which can be tough. I need to be for my family right now.

It looks like my husband needs to go for more consultation on his eye. He went to the doctor on Saturday, and the pressure was up in his left eye. The doctor wants him to see another specialist. Soon. I’m concerned. He was prescribed more drops, fully researched, for the one eye. Within two days his eye was red and angry again.

It’s kind of stressful over here. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised if I am feeling exhausted and out of sorts. I’m trying to be responsive to and supportive of my friends, but it’s rather like I’m a flailing drunk trying to make sense of it all. My head pain has increased again, which isn’t too surprising, since I haven’t been looking after myself.

Going forward, I pledge to be gentler to myself. I will practice good self-care and remember I cannot be my best self if I am out of sorts.

My family needs me.

Besides, what ever turns out the way we expect it to, anyway?

Thanks for being here, Zebra friends! 😘

Friday Morning


I did manage to get a Beauty blog post up for today. I’m pretty pleased with myself. I took the photos when I had a pain respite one day ( I’m having trouble remembering what day it is) and wrote the copy slowly yesterday morning. I slept from 2:00 PM until 9:00, took my medication, looked at my email and futzed around until 11:00 PM.  Then slept until 6:00 this morning.

This morning so far isn’t too bad. My neck and jaw is pretty sore. The back of my head hurts, and I have a headache starting to wrap around my head. I’m so nauseated and dizzy, too. I have wicked bedspins, it’s like being in a standing MRI, or when I had that barium swallow. Instead of just spinning flat, I actually feel like I spin top ways, then sideways. It’s awful. Better lying down, best on my side. I’m probably sleeping so much just to be away from it.

Things are definitely worse when I sit or stand, and get progressively worse the longer I am upright. 

I do feel much better, though. We are keeping an eye on things, and I am not having as much head pain as I was having. My memory and vision are both not really good either, just a bit hazy, but not alarming. That kind of just woke up feeling.

We’re pretty sure I’m not going to die from this, so we will evaluate on Sunday whether we go to the Emergency Room for evaluation. If I keep improving, then we will just try to be low-key and calm for a few weeks. Otherwise we go.

I took some daytime cold medicine this morning, so maybe this is what’s helping.

I have had so much good support through this. When my brain returns, I will thank you properly and link a great article.

Also, two Facebook friends have admitted to reading my adventures. That matters so much to me, you don’t even know. Sometimes I feel I’m passing through this life unnoticed.

Am I having a mid-life crisis on top of everything? 😁

I’ve found, as an adult, maybe I haven’t been so great at choosing friends. The ones I’ve clung to have kicked me, and the ones I’ve dismissed have shown themselves to be the gems. I’m probably not in a good space and haven’t been for a long time. I don’t think it’s something I can fix at the moment. It’s just a musing.

I need to remember I’m in survival mode at the moment and act accordingly.

I have to put things in perspective. Be selfish. Be okay with being selfish. That may be the toughest part.

I was thinking about it. So what if people think I’m an asshole? For the first time in a long time, I like me. I don’t have the time and energy to explain myself to people who don’t understand or listen anyway. I’ve been exhausting myself trying to be wonderful to people who don’t appreciate it anyway. I’m tired. I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of sending out care packages and getting a half-hearted ‘thanks’. I’m not a grandmother!

Anyway… rant over. I share a birthday with Dennis Miller. It comes naturally. 😂

OK,  Zebra peeps! I’m going to lie really still, because I just moved my neck and it hurts a lot now. Have a great day!