Remember Me?

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Hey everyone! I’ve spent the last two weeks freaking out over this past weekend’s beauty convention! It went over very well, and I’m hoping to soon have a cross-post up between my two blogs about my experience.

I was very nervous about this weekend because I purchased the tickets for me and three friends in March when I felt fairly well. With the head and neck pain I’ve been having, I wasn’t certain I could endure the entire weekend.

Add to this, I had my BOTOX injections and broke a crown on my tooth and had to have dental work done. Ugh.

Oh, I missed this story, so on the day of my BOTOX injections, there is a volunteer in who isn’t the usual. She comes in the lobby and calls for Diana. I ignore her, that not being my name. She then calls Diana with my last name. I figure it out. I stagger over, followed by my husband. I apologize for not answering to the wrong name before, being the Canadian that I am, and educate her on the correct pronunciation of my name. DAH-nuh to rhyme with banana. She gets all put out. She goes to the file and starts whining “Well, it’s just that we have four names here for you!” My husband goes over and asks what they are. She’s referring to my first, middle, maiden, and last. The only one I don’t use is my middle. And there’s a short form of my first name I use. So she lightens up a bit. Β Then she comes back and want to know if she needs to fill all the serum, if we use all six vials. I told her yes. As we’ve been doing this for three years now? Maybe two and a half. She then says, I don’t know, it’s kind of a lot… And then looks to my husband for validation. 😠 She comes back after with another administrator, and thusly begins calling me Dayna for a good five minutes. I won’t even mention her mocking my husband when he went to get me up when he thought the doctor was ready for me but he wasn’t. I will send a note, though, to patient relations. Yikes!

Back to the convention, so after my BOTOX, I had my tooth fixed, went home, rested up and was really anxiety and pain ridden, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was angsty and stressed and such a mess. But then, as soon as the event was over, as my friend got in her car and drove away….

My throat began to hurt….my tongue began to swell…my lymph nodes are swollen and sore. I couldn’t sleep my tongue hurt so much last night. I’m glad it waited, that was kind. I do need to have my husband book off work to take me to the doctor. I can’t go alone. I get really upset and stressed when I’m sick. Sometimes even before I know I’m sick. It started in my 30s. It’s almost as if I am afraid to be vulnerable. I remember one day being so ill I could hardly walk I had such a cold, but I had decided I had missed four days of work and that was it, I was going in. It didn’t matter it was 8:30 at night, I was needed! My husband talked some sense into me, but I get so irrational.

A couple of conclusions: last time I went out socially was last August. This isn’t acceptable. I need to get out more, as does our daughter, so we do not have this much anxiety.

The world certainly treats you differently when you are thin..ner. I’m not quite thin, but I’m thinner. I’m about 60 less than last year? Wow. Last year someone asked if I was my friends’ mother. That’s the one who spoke to me. This year? Compliments and chats and nobody speaking to my carer (pusher? 😁) first…well, mostly…. but that’s a story for later!

There were actually moments when I didn’t notice my pain. I feel miles better today, spiritually, anyway. My mouth hurts. I’m thinking strep. All that turning of my neck may have worked out some kinks. Now, I’m far from sprinting a race. Much of this is because of a good medication balance. I did have two pretty scary incidents where my knees just buckled under me. My friend who is a nurse thought that was pretty cool, I think, except one was on stairs. It’s that with no meniscus, it feels like one bone goes one way and the other, well… I also had my fingers go out yuck. But in the grand scheme, I will take it.

I will try to get that post about my experience together, and I will let you know!

😘

Predictions

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I predict I will be visiting the hospital soon. This pain in my front right abdomen is agonizing. I feel like I’m on so much medication. But I’m not really ‘high’. In that Beavis and Butthead would be funny, kind of high. I feel like I’m Β (shoot, I just made a mucromovement!) If I keep really still, but I’m trying to relax, anyway, I don’t have pain. If I move, though, something will sublux, and my pubic bone aches from my 2 pregnancies. Both of whom are teens. (Or will be in two weeks). I find it hard to think. I want to sleep. I’ve taken my sleeping pill, night marijuana oil, night meds, and breakthrough medication.

I’m extremely hungry, but my stomach is upset. I bought new clothes from Old Navy, I’m always spilling, in size XL. In regular people size! Not plus! I’m amazed! Thrilled! I essentially bought a new wardrobe! $3 tanks and sleep shorts, and the same dress 3 times. It’s a great dress, perfect for the doctor!

It’s what I’ve been doing to pass time. It’s the only attention span I have. Got to stop now.

Anyway. The pain is increasing, wrapping around my back, to the point it hurts to move often. Add this to the nausea and dizziness. Add in my neck and head pain and I just need to have a moment, perhaps.

It has occurred to me people have been treating my pain for the last few years, but not really looking after my other bits as well as they should have. We need to talk about that. I think my doctor finds girls icky, and avoids the tests he’s supposed to do. Not good. I will have to scold him. As if it will make a difference. Put that on the list of items to fix.

My husband has just come in from picking up a friend from England? South Africa? He lives both places, and just flew in, so picked him up and dropped him off, and now is at work downstairs in the dining room, because there was (is?) some sort of crisis.

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Do you love hospitals as much as I do?Β 

He did check on me first and felt there was a hospital visit coming. He doesn’t like that I’m still on the same amount of medication for a whole two days, (not a personal fault, a measure of pain) it doesn’t fit the pattern. I don’t remember, am in too much pain now, probably then, too. I think I will try to maintain as much as possible and go to the hospital at the most convenient time for our family. Also, I don’t want to scare the kids. When I told my daughter is might have to go, she burst into tears. She is under a lot of stress right now. Β I’m feeling comfortable and sometimes I resolve cysts on my own. Plus, I might be catching the cold the kids had. Oh joy.

I love my kids. Is there some other way we could have gotten them? Pods? Amazon?

If you don’t hear from me for a couple of days, I am probably just very heavily medicated and trying to be very still. If something happens I will try and get a note somehow at some point.

My sincere apologies to Tylenol, you are much more useful than I thought.

To readers and commenters I’ve neglected, and well, everyone! I’m trying, but it shall continue for a time. I truly appreciate your patience – I will catch up! πŸ˜„.

The gentlest hugs to all of you. Have a wonderful whatever it is, wherever you be! 😘

I’m Gorgeous! (Not)

I had a super painful boutique of painsomnia last night. As I was u6hjv9jgygs4orolling over to my left side to go to sleep, my left knee subluxed and I was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t quite settle it into place, and lay aching from 10:30 until I gave up at 2:00 am.

At 2:00 am, I gave up and picked up my tablet, started playing on the internet. I had to dim the light way down, because my eyes really hurt. I was able to chat with my sister in Beijing around 6:00 which is a nice treat. I haven’t spoken to her in a while. She was on vacation in Indonesia recently, and didn’t even load photos up anywhere! But Saturday is her busy day, and she told me this hilarious story about one of her 4-year-old students punching her in the face. I’m pretty sure the hilarity was in the telling.

After we chatted, I fell into a restless sleep, and woke up to my alarm at 10:00 am. Damn me for deciding to be productive on weekends. I hit the snooze for an hour and got up to use the washroom. I got back into bed, and decided to survey the damage of my face.

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My left eye is quite swollen. It looks hilarious. It’s not quite as weepy, but is tender. When my husband brings our son home from therapy, I think we should call Tele health and check. My eyeball isn’t infected, or I should say affected, I’m just sore around the eye, the left one, and I sleep on that side -so it’s drained into that sinus, we figure. I have taken Benadryl allergy complete, and am sitting propped up, but it’s not draining, really.

I don’t want to go to a walk-in clinic, especially while flu-ish because I don’t want to catch something worse. If it’s not urgent and can be managed, I’d rather hang on and go see my GP on Tuesday, because of course it’s a long weekend! I’m sick just about every long weekend, it’s a running joke. Our daughter is sick, too, poor sweetie.

To add to my grotesque appearance is a large pimple where my chin used to be. It’s scabbed over now and looks like a cold sore that got lost.

I need a bath so much. I am so sore, and my hair has been two weeks without a wash, and needs detangling. It would have been so good if I could have gotten to it even a day or so ago! I just do not have the spoons. I will have to tackle it first thing tomorrow. Put the family on notice. I feel so weak.

I had a neat conversation with a friend today. She is a nurse, and gets the flu shot because of being around immune compromised people like me, but she hadn’t noticed a difference herself. I explained how normally, a flu could keep me sick and essentially unconscious, because I’m sleeping to get better for six weeks or so to gain my strength. But when I have a flu shot, and they get them right, I recover much quicker. I’ve been sick nearly a week, but I’m not sleeping the whole time, and I have been keeping food down, etc. She didn’t realize it could be that bad. She’s so lovely. I’m sure she’s a great nurse!

pg2bvxtorfh32I went on a bit of a shopping spree last night. Urban Decay was offering triple points, and I’m determined to make top-tier, for some reason; and then I bought some lipstick. If I can’t put it on, at least I can buy it! I have to stop with these sprees, especially when I’m over budget. Our tax system is such that our payroll tax, I think it is, starts in January, and when your contribution is full, they stop collection, around July. This means my husband loses $1,000 out of his cheque for six months and then we forget the rest of the year. Every January it’s a new round of belt-tightening. What? Save money for the lean times! Pshaw!

There have just been so many escalating costs, too. Especially just around the first of this year. I think I’ve whined about this plenty. I won’t bore you more. It’s tough finding things to do when your concentration isn’t great, and your hands don’t work so well. Online shopping is so much fun, but that gets old too. It’s just stuff. I am enjoying playing with it when I can. I’m enjoying blogging here, too. I’ve met lovely people. Only lovely people.

I’ve offended people talking about my spending, but they may actually do things, outside, like in public. I don’t think they even realize there are months I don’t get to leave the house, so $300 on makeup isn’t horrid. What did you spend $300 on last month able person? Lattes? Taxis? Lunches? It adds up. I didn’t have those expenses, at all. But I do realize I have privilege. Many people don’t have the means. I married a smart, hard-working guy, and we have had some really lucky breaks along the way.

I’m aware I may be babbling. I’m in that hazy, cool, fun, dreamy, tired state.

I often resent that I had to stop my career, such as it was, to tend to my broken body. What could I have done if I had gotten proper support instead of being encouraged to go on LTD? Would I have been a better employee were I not in pain all the time? I don’t know. Life is this way now, and I’ve spent so much time getting to know myself, I wouldn’t trade with anyone now.

Our son is going on a class trip for four days next week and I’m stressed. Β He’s growing so fast! Ugh, these kids give me so much stress, and are my world, all at the same time. I didn’t realize parenting would be as much fun as it has been. I’ve laughed so much along the way! There have been lots of tears, too. But lots of laughs. I will be so relieved when he’s back home.

Probably should nap now. My eye hasn’t changed, but is getting tired.

Wash your hands, my zebra pals! 😘

 

When All Your Friends Are Spoonies

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I was supposed to go out with a really good friend of mine today. She is amazing, and I adore her. We’ve been trying to get together for ages, but it’s one o’clock and I haven’t heard from her. She’s a spoonie, too. She is probably ill. I was hoping to give her the Christmas gifts from the family! I sent her a text an hour ago. We will reschedule again. She’s really busy at work. All these no-shows. I’d better not take this personally! 😁

It’s kind of okay, because there was a storm overnight, and I am

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Me (not actually), trying to catch all the spoons in the world πŸ˜€

in a ton of pain today. I knew as soon as I moved this morning. My right hip has half subluxed, just enough to be really painful. Enough I don’t want to put weight on it. My elbows are really sore, too.Even my medication and marijuana vape haven’t moved the pain much today. I know my friend would come over and hang out, but it’s more fun to go out where my kids don’t interrupt.

Yesterday was a quiet day. I had planned to do all these things, but they never materialized. I ended up screwing around on the internet, Facebook, and taking some pictures of my makeup for my blog http://www.squidgesbeautyhaul.wordpress.com, and for Influenster.com. They assign you tasks to promote and review products, and you can get free products. It’s North America wide, passes the time and is fun!

If you’re looking for an interesting Instagram account, my sister and her husband are teaching English in Beijing @theteachingcouple and documenting their adventures. Such adorable kids!

My daughter is turning fifteen this week! I can’t believe I am the mother of a fifteen years old! I am only nineteen myself, in my head! Her birthday is on Wednesday, today is the fifteenth anniversary of day two of labour. 😦 They were trying to keep her in until she hit 37 weeks gestation. ☺

Tonight gluten-free pizza night. I’m so delighted.

I’ve lost another one of my makeup palettes! I am getting very disturbed at the amount of times I am losing things. I’m not particularly messy or disorganised, but I do like to have things fairly close. I have most makeup in organised bins, but as you are aware, it is so easy to be doing something and to just come up exhausted all of a sudden. This is when my husband throws things into another bin… it tidies things, but I can’t find them again. So my Kat von D Alchemist palette is gone, and it hasn’t been in stock for weeks! I know it has to be here somewhere, though.

I’m going to go play with makeup or have a bath or something. Hope you’re having a great day!