Wonderful Things

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My family has been treating me so wonderfully the past couple of weeks. Let’s enumerate the wonderful things they’ve done for me:

My husband:

  • Has gone to the post office to retrieve numerous packages for me
  • Has found the money to allow me to shop my brains out, since it’s just about the only thing I have time and patience for. Plus Zebra outfits!
  • He brought home French Fries for me even though they were out of his way and it was late at night and he was tired
  • He got out of the warm shower to grab me a barf bucket
  • He watched an episode of South Park just because I asked
  • He has run so many errands for me, I can’t even count them!

 

My Daughter, 15

  • She has been filling my water bottles regularly
  • Listening to my exciting stories even when she’s bored
  • Checking up on me to make sure I have everything
  • Bringing me breakfast during the week

 

My Son, 13 in 6 days!

  • He has been keeping my water bottles full
  • He has been spending time with me, like the two hours last night where he snuggled and watched TV and chatted
  • Remembering not to hug me without asking, because I’m so sore
  • Bringing my coffee in the morning on weekends

 

My family has been awesome. Except for:

 

Husband:

  • Forgetting about me in the bathtub and nobody hearing me yelling about getting the shower head down, so I had to wash my hair under the tap. It was a bit uncomfortable, but not the end of the world. I did have fun teasing him about it, though! 😄

I prefer to get help in and out of the tub as I’ve been so shaky lately.  I don’t need that much assistance, just someone to ‘catch’ me, really, if I start to go over. Or call 9-1-1 if I pass out. I’m still so weak from whatever is going on with me.

I hope you enjoyed my glimpse into my family. Are you interested in my Sephora Haul? I can either show a photo here, or link my Beauty Blog post. Let me know.

 

Stay healthy Zebras! 😘

 

 

So Hungry!

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I am so darned hungry and so darned nauseated at the same time! I really want a hot meal. I want French fries smothered in disgusting gravy and bacon and sour cream. Yesss.

I didn’t receive quite as much pain relief today, but enough that I was able to play makeup for a while. I had fun, and my back didn’t hurt much. My neck was killing me, though. It’s funny, pain is like an onion. You clear one ache up and there’s something lurking underneath. I think it’s our brain’s way of coping. I don’t think we can cope with it all at once, so our brain stacks the pain. I don’t know, it’s just a theory I have.

I didn’t have a nap today, surprisingly. I’m ready to drop now, but I pushed through today.

Today is pretty boring. I’m feeling pretty boring. I’m out of energy. I don’t have the spoons. I can barely move my fingers. My stomach is growling noisily.

I even started a book the other day. It’s good, I’m enjoying it. I miss reading.

Hope you’re having a good day!

Happy spring, Zebra friends! 😙

 

 

Mixed Emotions

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I have the feels again. These are mostly anger and shock. I’m finally vaping the higher dose THC pot this morning. I mixed it with just a bit of my regular stuff because it has certainly little cannabinoid in there and I wanted it to be something substantial, not a desperation experiment. Well, here I am, and my back doesn’t hurt finally. I don’t feel stupid. I feel tired, but relaxed. Cold. My pubic bone hurts. My hands hurt. I don’t feel like sitting around playing video games. I feel productive. Artistic. Comfortable, almost. Getting there. I’m hungry.

I know I’m angry. Angry that I was kept from pain relief because… why? I can’t be in as much pain as I say I am? I must be a drug seeker? I remember joking with a (male, ironically) friend about us potentially being roofied, and surprising some guy/gal by saying “ooh, I feel great, do you have another of those things you slipped in my drink?” 😄 I’m one of those EDSers that is tough to drug. I used to blame my weight, but I don’t think that’s entirely it. I seem to have a high drug tolerance.

My body has been feeling not hellish for five minutes, it’s been nice. I have been struggling through. I put together a post for the beauty blog yesterday. It took me all day, but it gave my day some structure. I took a couple of naps, rearranged some things on my computer, watched TV. It was nice and peaceful. I remember how my parents used to nag me about making friends and being friends and going outside, and I have brief moments of anxiety that I’m not talking to enough people. But then I remember what happened last time I spoke to people, and I hide under the covers.

So, to recap, emotions: anger at my old pot doctor for withholding working drugs from me, gratefulness to my new pot doctor for listening and caring, anger and hate toward my genes for this situation to begin with, happiness at the momentary relief, annoyance at my internal dialogue, bliss at the momentary silence.

I was so out of it with pain the other day my husband came over to help me fid something. He handed it to me and I actually said, “Good Boy!”. WE DO NOT HAVE DOGS!!!

My Botox treatment is on April 4th, so that is one week. I just need to hang on a while longer, and we start the circus again. I can feel the pain in my head returning, I’ve had a slow, dull headache for a couple of days now. My neck and jaw just ache.

I want to crawl out of my body. Just leave it behind like an exoskeleton.

Wishing you a great day Zebra buddies! 😘

Self Care

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I have been trying to catch up on reading blog posts, but I can’t focus long enough to read through a whole post. I have a great makeup idea, but I am just too tired and sore. I have things for the Instagram and my blog for tomorrow. I can throw my Beauty Blog post together in 45 minutes, will anyone notice if I don’t post? 🙄

I’m going to try to read, then nap until my kids leave school. I’m shaking. After they are home I will decide what’s next.

My toenails may not get painted today, unless I need the stretch.

So worn out I’m seeing double!  I don’t hurt if I don’t move. Okay, maybe I will read when I wake up…

Be kind to yourself Zebras! 😘

Worn Out

It’s been a long week. I don’t feel like I’ve had much time to myself. My kids have been needy. Which is fine, I just haven’t had any recovery time. I don’t feel like many of my interactions with the world have been all that pleasant, either. Every second person who contacts me on Facebook messenger is trying to sell me something. And these are brand new friends, not people I’ve had interaction with!

My lovely husband ran out and picked up new cable boxes for us last night. All last week they wouldn’t turn on, I couldn’t get any television at all..unless it would randomly decide to turn on, which it did occasionally. But mostly it would be pixillated garbage. The cable company would reset, but last night they finally said, yeah we have to replace those things, so he took them in. It’s great, because now I actually have room to record stuff. This has 400x the space or something. But the downside is I can’t read the guide. It’s on my tablet, but… blah.

We did our taxes. We spent $34,000 on out of pocket medical expenses last year. We are damn lucky to have that money, that’s my pension/Ltd money income right there. That went to medical marijuana, therapy for me and the kids, orthodontic work, likely, and my injection fees for Botox. I was mistaken about the tax situation. It turns out we get 3% of it back in our taxes. Whee. I don’t know what I could have done without that treatment. I’d probably be dead. I’d be in so much pain. Those are my two main sources of pain relief, Botox and mmj. Not to mention getting into the pain clinic which costs. There’s a huge fee. I’d have done myself in.

My neck is hurting so bad and I have such nausea today I am in tears. I had to help my son today with homework, and I snapped when he stabbed me with his pencil once too often. I feel awful.

I just need a break. I need a night out. With friends. Not a tall order at all!

Hope you’re having a great day, Zebras! 😘

 

 

Happily Dragging my Behind

I have been so tired the past couple of days, but no rest for the giphywicked! I ended up sleeping most of Thursday afternoon. By the time I settled in, it was close to 1:00 and my husband woke me when he and the boy returned from physical therapy at 7:00. It felt so good! I had no trouble sleeping except I was excited for makeup the next day.

I’m finding this problem with sleeping pills. Either they are not strong enough, where they don’t help me sleep, then the next one up is good, but I need a nap the next day, and I can fall asleep on a dime. There is nothing in between.

My daughter wanted to watch some horror movies, but not really scary ones, just scary enough they were interesting, and not too scary she would have nightmares. So we watched one called #Horror, also known as Hashtag Horror or Slashtag about a group of 12 year old girls who bully each other and then start dying. It’s very strange. Stars Natasha Lyonne and Chloe Sevigny.

We then watched The Girls in the Photographs. This was not bad. Not great. Another weird one. Creepy. Kal Penn is a photographer, character is based on Terry Richardson. Yes I read IMDB! 😄

By that time, I’d had enough peopling, so I decided to do my wp-1489850277865.jpgnails for the first time in years! I found it surprisingly easy. Even though my hands were so very stiff. I had to move them into position for the photo! 😃 I love having painted nails. They give me a little thrill every time I look at them. It makes me smile. I have found a couple of brands that do not smell to odoriferous, so I stick to those, mostly. The more you keep them out of hot water, the better the polish stays, redo your top coat every second day or so, and basecoat are my tips to make your polish last. And don’t forget to lightly go over the end of the nail with your topcoat! It’s called ‘capping the end’ and it helps prevent wear.

I called my marijuana provider to find out when my paperwork was going to be finished so I can reorder. I’m supposed to order today, but my doctor appointment was just on Tuesday, paperwork isn’t done blah blah blah, still have shipping, blah, anyway, she said I’d get an email when it was finished.

Me: When will that be?

Rep: Soon.

Me: Are we talking hours or days?

Rep: By Monday.

Me: I need to order tomorrow.

Rep: Yeah, it’s all here, I’ll have it done by Monday.

Me: I’m going to run out!

Rep: Monday.

Lovely. I’ve never, ever been treated like that by CanniMed before. It makes me nervous when my new doctor says “vape when you need to” and my usually good distributor is shrugging. When my husband called to get receipts earlier this week they were great! I feel betrayed. I realize it isn’t that bad, but sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. I’m dependant on these drugs to be a human being with a life. There is also the shipping delay, and having to get these items to my house. They don’t teleport.

Today I got up early, at 8:00. I’m deep conditioning my hair, I’ve vaped, had breakfast, getting ready for my bath. My daughter wants to watch another movie this afternoon, but with the house quiet, she also wants time to herself. I’m not sure what will win out.

I’m so dehydrated my lips are cracking, so I need to focus on this. In fact, I feel really unfocused. I feel like I’m behind on reading blogs, answering email, I haven’t called my mom in ages. I generally feel like I’m running to catch up. I think having the monsters home at spring break has left me a bit peopled out for a bit. I’m used to more alone time.

I’m afraid now, every time someone contacts me on Facebook messenger, they are going to try to sell me something. 😔

Have a glorious day, Zebras!

 

 

So Mellow…

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Feeling very relaxed today. I’m tired. Very tired. I don’t want to go to sleep, though, because I don’t want to be up all night.

I am so tired, I can’t get my eyes to focus. It’s not good. Our television cable box is still broken, so there’s nothing. We can watch recorded shows, but that means resetting every half hour, too. I don’t want to pay that much attention. I just want the ambient noise!

I am so hungry, today. I think I will feel better with some lunch. I really want to play with some silver and gold pigments I have. I just have this awful headache pounding at the back of my head and temple on the left side. Not a fan. It’s not bad, but it’s enough to be quietly reminding you, you should be smart.

I was thinking earlier about all the things I would do if I was well

  • Visit my Grandmother in Winnipeg
  • Take my kids to Disney World
  • Go to the movies
  • Drink a milkshake
  • Eat wings…oh, I could have them hot!! 😆
  • Go to a Sephora STORE and roll in the aisles!
  • Be intimate with my husband 😶
  • Walk everywhere
  • Go to the dentist
  • Have a shower
  • Have a girls’ night
  • Have a girls’ day out with lipstick making at Bite Beauty and custom makeovers at Sephora

Those are the only things on my wish list for right now. I have tentative plans with some friends to get custom lipsticks made at Bite Beauty with two sets of friends. After one set, we are supposed to go get custom makeovers at Sephora, but that does sound ambitious. We shall see.

I don’t think I’m going to get to play with makeup this afternoon. Not without a nap first at the very least. Too bad, I had some great ideas.  💤

Have a beautiful day zebras! 😘