My Wonderful Husband πŸ’™

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Things got a bit awkward? no, unfortunate last night. My darling husband and I started to snuggle, and we got about as far as Marge and Homer in the above .gif, only we were still wearing our matching pajamas (yes, every year at Christmas I buy the family matching pajamas. We are Canadian and it’s May, of course they’re on!) when suddenly I had the blinding head pain and nausea return. I was so upset. I’ve been in too much pain to be intimate for so long. Of course he understood, and just held me. He has to stop being attractive, too, though.

I was thinking if I should ask him if I could tell this story, I paused and I could almost hear him say “Why? It’s facts!” I started to cry. He’s so wonderful. Of course, just then my kids burst in with early Mother’s day gifts. They had a makeup brush I wanted and deodorant in a particular scent. They bought three sticks! My son informed me. Also, I stink. They wanted to know why I was crying, of course, so I told them it was because their dad was wonderful. They were fine with that. My husband rounded the corner shortly after and I had a chance to ask him if he would be embarrassed if I shared the story of last night. “Why, it’s facts?” He said.

Yesterday I just slept all day. I had stuff I wanted to do, but a two-hour nap turned into three, which became five… I think it was good. The pressure in my head was bad, and I needed to relax. My husband suggested I sleep in again today, but I thought if I did that I might not get up at all. When am I going to accept that he is always right? I did some makeup stuff, but the photos are awful. If I don’t feel good, the photos don’t turn out. Waste of time if I can’t show off. Or if I cringe looking at the photos.

Right now my head is throbbing and my jaw really hurts. I overdid things. My pubic bone hurts, too, likely from sitting up so long the past few days. I ache all over. I can’t remember much of any conversation. Watching TV is futile. I can only watch reruns of animated stuff I’ve seen a million times. I can’t follow other stuff. Law and Order was really bad. Archer is baffling to me. I keep calling him Bob. My husband watches sports beside me on his tablet. Or we watch together.

Ha! Husband just ran in, gave me a kiss and ran out again.

This head thing is really frustrating, but my husband really cheers me up. So glad he’s in my life. πŸ’™

For Mothers day (because my husband is such a terrible speller, we refer to it as Mothra’s day, and of course Fathead’s day. Although that may have come about as a autoreplace suggestion. πŸ€” My husband is a Fathead, yes he is! Full of knowledge!)

Anyway, I haven’t really been feeling well enough to do anything for my Mother, so in appreciation, Mom, if you are reading this, I will not take you to see Snatched this weekend, that atrocious looking movie with Goldie Hawn and Amy Schumer. My Mom works so hard looking after my Dad, she deserves major snaps, because she has her own challenges, yet she cares for him tirelessly. I’ve long felt it’s easier to be the patient than the carer. I know I would have bailed long ago.

I’m feeling really frustrated with this stupid head pressure affecting things so much. I didn’t even vape yesterday because inhaling was going to hurt too much. That’s not good. I’m frustrated it’s taking from the tiny amount of leisure I was afforded. I don’t want to have to give everything up. I’ve had to give up so many hobbies already.

I’m scared it will come down to choosing between functioning and being comfortable.

Have a great evening, Zebra pals! 😘

So Hungry!

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I am so darned hungry and so darned nauseated at the same time! I really want a hot meal. I want French fries smothered in disgusting gravy and bacon and sour cream. Yesss.

I didn’t receive quite as much pain relief today, but enough that I was able to play makeup for a while. I had fun, and my back didn’t hurt much. My neck was killing me, though. It’s funny, pain is like an onion. You clear one ache up and there’s something lurking underneath. I think it’s our brain’s way of coping. I don’t think we can cope with it all at once, so our brain stacks the pain. I don’t know, it’s just a theory I have.

I didn’t have a nap today, surprisingly. I’m ready to drop now, but I pushed through today.

Today is pretty boring. I’m feeling pretty boring. I’m out of energy. I don’t have the spoons. I can barely move my fingers. My stomach is growling noisily.

I even started a book the other day. It’s good, I’m enjoying it. I miss reading.

Hope you’re having a good day!

Happy spring, Zebra friends! πŸ˜™

 

 

Do Cookies Have Brains?

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OK, Β so the reason I’m asking is that I feel like I’m eating a lot of cookies, but I also feel like a zombie. So this only really makes sense if Cookies have brains.

I am feeling so tired right now, but I want to play with my makeup. I have a plan, and I’m not going to give up, even though I keep snapping Β my neck awake every few minutes. This exhaustion is just rude. I tend to eat cookies when I’m this tired because I think the sugar will help me. It just makes me fat. What I really need is a nap. I really should just sleep because I’m just going to be frustrated. πŸ˜” I’m so upset. I want to do things, but I’m so tired almost all of the time. I keep having to postpone things. Β I will try and get up at 3:00 and see if I can do it then.

I’m also having problems with bedsores. It’s getting annoying. I’m going to have to start wearing a bra again. That’s upsetting, because it binds my stomach. It hurts. I have had terrible heartburn and nausea has worsened lately. I’m eating even less nutritious food and more cookies. Everything hurts my stomach.

Okay, I’m going to nap now. The weather is cold. It was -25C overnight. Rest time.

Be good to yourself fellow Zebra! 😘

Self Care

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I have been trying to catch up on reading blog posts, but I can’t focus long enough to read through a whole post. I have a great makeup idea, but I am just too tired and sore. I have things for the Instagram and my blog for tomorrow. I can throw my Beauty Blog post together in 45 minutes, will anyone notice if I don’t post? πŸ™„

I’m going to try to read, then nap until my kids leave school. I’m shaking. After they are home I will decide what’s next.

My toenails may not get painted today, unless I need the stretch.

So worn out I’m seeing double! Β I don’t hurt if I don’t move. Okay, maybe I will read when I wake up…

Be kind to yourself Zebras! 😘

Worn Out – Part Two

I wanted to add some things to my earlier post. Some caveats, per se.

It’s certainly not everyone who contacts me on Facebook messenger or interacts with me that has been a problem or has been selling to me, let me be clear. I have made a number of new friends with people I have in common with others, and it’s been a lot of fun getting to know people. I’ve had several message me and want to chat, and I welcome that. Approximately 75% have been respectful. 5% have been perverts. 5% have been ‘you need to do this…’ types, and 15% are sales.

I do not mind being approached by people I have known for even a few months. They are generally nice, they converse, they continue to speak to me.

But when I’m added to a Facebook group about healthy weight loss through diet and exercise, or the best entertaining recipes..it’s like you don’t even know me. I’ve been added to seven Lula roe groups and I don’t think those things fit me. They are not pajamas or people clothes. Nix.

I suppose it’s just added to my long week that every second day someone was asking for something. Thursday, I think, some lady I had just recently friended was asking how many wraps or shakes I wanted. Since I’ve been subsisting on cookies and almonds this week, none, thanks! 😒😒😒 I had never spoken to her before, I didn’t answer and she hasn’t been back. What I think bothers me is there doesn’t seem to be any interest in pursuing any other relationship. I’m slightly put off by that. Of course, I’m deleting and blocking so they can’t re-add me, but, it’s so…defeating.

It’s not as many people as it feels like, it’s just been a few in a week. And when they disappear because I’m not a customer, before I get rid of them, I feel rejected. There have been a lot of friends who do check in and stick around and I do know this. I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time all week.

I often play into that goofy, ditzy, on-her-meds stereotype because it’s easier than calling people out on their bullshit.

I put a care package together for my Mom, and I was so excited, it took a lot to collect everything and mail it. It got to her, and I was so busy with the kids I didn’t get to call. Finally I did, and it was all complaints. The package had sat in the box for a week. The chocolate almonds I sent were stale. (I had some, I thought they were good) then she said she probably doesn’t like chocolate. Oh, hey! Have I heard from my sister? πŸ˜” I don’t expect everybody to be happy all of the time. But every single person this week seemed to be having a bad day. And I was so disappointed I had let her down. I had ripped apart the bedroom to find the kids’ school pictures, sourced a special wash cloth for her, and when my friend’s son was selling chocolate almonds, grabbed an extra two boxes and didn’t even eat them! I know, it had nothing to do with that. I know that in my head. She doesn’t have an easy life. And when I tried to do something good, I fail.

Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m okay to treat however because they assume I don’t have any real responsibilities.Β 

I’m so sorry I’m so cranky. My neck is really sore. My pain was down around a 5 all last week and now it’s at a 8.5. My knees are clicking, my elbows. I can’t get warm. Husband has the children all week, so I can hide from the world. I’ve been shopping. Ugh. I’m over my budget, and I’m finding things I ‘need’. The only thing I think I could do for extra money is cam girl. I know I have a limit to my earnings. I’d be surprised if I could drum up enough interest in…I don’t know what I’d do? Blog? Put on makeup live? Yay? Is there a Fetish…oh rule 34…let perverts watch me sleep? 😐 maybe I will cut down on shopping…. yes I think that is the better decision all around.

I am aching so much right now. I am going to start the breakthrough medication I’m prescribed tomorrow, I think. I will have to order my cannabis in the morning. On a whim, I decided to check to see if I could order, and I can. No email as promised. I am ticked. I was spoken to like I was asking to get my new teapot a day early, and was firmly told Monday, be patient and I would get an email, but here it is Sunday, no email, I’m too tired and on meds to do it right, and here it is. How long has it been there?

I have a headache that feels under my scalp, my neck hurts, I can’t warm up. My joints are so achy. My wrists and elbows. My jaw. My pubic bone my right abdominal side, any movement means I want to cry out. This week is about rejuvenation and healing and rest. And trying to eat more than cookies. And almonds. No other food wants to stay down. We order our pizza on Sundays, gluten-free, lactose free, and I enjoyed it. But i had to lie down for an hour. Everything I ate, every bite today, I needed to lie down. So, I will be having fun with that. Plus, online shopping to a minimum. Or none at all. Except for the Urban Decay launch on the 23rd.

I’m going to try to keep my voice from sounding simply snarky and give a reason for that anger, if that makes sense? Β I’m a bit reflective these days. In the morning when I’m up and medicated, it may help as well. I may have some time to relax and zen. ☺ It’s difficult to convey your true inner self when you’re in pain. Maslow’sΒ hierarchyΒ and all that.

I’m crying from pain and frustration, but going to try to sleep.

Goal for tomorrow is painting my toenails! πŸ˜„

Have a gorgeous moment today, Zebras. Just one. 😘

 

Worn Out

It’s been a long week. I don’t feel like I’ve had much time to myself. My kids have been needy. Which is fine, I just haven’t had any recovery time. I don’t feel like many of my interactions with the world have been all that pleasant, either. Every second person who contacts me on Facebook messenger is trying to sell me something. And these are brand new friends, not people I’ve had interaction with!

My lovely husband ran out and picked up new cable boxes for us last night. All last week they wouldn’t turn on, I couldn’t get any television at all..unless it would randomly decide to turn on, which it did occasionally. But mostly it would be pixillated garbage. The cable company would reset, but last night they finally said, yeah we have to replace those things, so he took them in. It’s great, because now I actually have room to record stuff. This has 400x the space or something. But the downside is I can’t read the guide. It’s on my tablet, but… blah.

We did our taxes. We spent $34,000 on out of pocket medical expenses last year. We are damn lucky to have that money, that’s my pension/Ltd money income right there. That went to medical marijuana, therapy for me and the kids, orthodontic work, likely, and my injection fees for Botox. I was mistaken about the tax situation. It turns out we get 3% of it back in our taxes. Whee. I don’t know what I could have done without that treatment. I’d probably be dead. I’d be in so much pain. Those are my two main sources of pain relief, Botox and mmj. Not to mention getting into the pain clinic which costs. There’s a huge fee. I’d have done myself in.

My neck is hurting so bad and I have such nausea today I am in tears. I had to help my son today with homework, and I snapped when he stabbed me with his pencil once too often. I feel awful.

I just need a break. I need a night out. With friends. Not a tall order at all!

Hope you’re having a great day, Zebras! 😘

 

 

So Mellow…

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Feeling very relaxed today. I’m tired. Very tired. I don’t want to go to sleep, though, because I don’t want to be up all night.

I am so tired, I can’t get my eyes to focus. It’s not good. Our television cable box is still broken, so there’s nothing. We can watch recorded shows, but that means resetting every half hour, too. I don’t want to pay that much attention. I just want the ambient noise!

I am so hungry, today. I think I will feel better with some lunch. I really want to play with some silver and gold pigments I have. I just have this awful headache pounding at the back of my head and temple on the left side. Not a fan. It’s not bad, but it’s enough to be quietly reminding you, you should be smart.

I was thinking earlier about all the things I would do if I was well

  • Visit my Grandmother in Winnipeg
  • Take my kids to Disney World
  • Go to the movies
  • Drink a milkshake
  • Eat wings…oh, I could have them hot!! πŸ˜†
  • Go to a Sephora STORE and roll in the aisles!
  • Be intimate with my husband 😢
  • Walk everywhere
  • Go to the dentist
  • Have a shower
  • Have a girls’ night
  • Have a girls’ day out with lipstick making at Bite Beauty and custom makeovers at Sephora

Those are the only things on my wish list for right now. I have tentative plans with some friends to get custom lipsticks made at Bite Beauty with two sets of friends. After one set, we are supposed to go get custom makeovers at Sephora, but that does sound ambitious. We shall see.

I don’t think I’m going to get to play with makeup this afternoon. Not without a nap first at the very least. Too bad, I had some great ideas. Β πŸ’€

Have a beautiful day zebras! 😘