Gurgle

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I slept until 3:00 this afternoon.  I woke to my husband stumbling into the bedroom declaring he just had a nap! This may be the first nap he has ever taken as an adult.

On Friday I was waiting for Pat McGrath’s lipstick collection to drop at noon, and at 11:45, I started vomiting. I managed to buy some lipstick, but then took a nap. Saturday, I was just as gross, and I finally figured out I may have the flu. Considering my daughter has it, and likely my husband does, and my son has been feeling awful… I just may be a genius. There’s been a nasty flu going around here, and my daughter has been having trouble since before school started. She’s either had it twice, or had an extended remix.

My mom was so sweet, she sent me some money on Friday to buy a treat to cheer myself up. From both her and dad. So sweet.

It was tough, but I had to put my Beauty Blog on hiatus until October 5th. I just don’t have the spoons to keep up with it right now. I’m so sad, because it’s one of my favourite things. I’m hoping the neurologist has a theory and I’m feeling better. I would like some answers and a plan.

When I can’t even do the small things, it’s a problem.

I need joy. To be able to supply joy. And I’m not even talking about sex. I’m so many layers below sex, you can’t even imagine. I have about ten layers to go before I even can think about sex.

On this level is bathing, reading, amusing myself, sitting up, and taking my medications. Not just staring into space.

Sigh.

💜

Im Thinking of Hiring a Male Escort…

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…to come over and watch tv with me. You see, my family is impossible to watch television with. The husband can only watch things that require sporadic attention, like sports, or a comedian. I cajoled him into watching Stranger Things with me last weekend, and in the first freaking episode he had figured out major plot points! I didn’t let him know this, of course. He was great, I know this required extra effort on his part. We then watched Atypical, which is about an 18-year old with autism. That was painful. He is dealing with his own autism and it hit a bit close to home, I think. Anyway, it was wonderful of him to watch with me, but I can’t ask him to do this regularly. He has a stressful job, and to come home and stress over tv is too much.

My daughter watched some tv with me the other day. She likes her shows, though. Either horror movies or teen shows.

I’ve been trying to pull away from documentary and watch more comedy. I think it’s good.

Finally managed to reach my grandmother yesterday. She reminded me she’s turning 96 next week. She asked how old I was, and when I said 47 in November, she replied “Oh, you’re old, too!” 🤣 My husband is 49 next week. Yikes! We is ancient.

Chatting with grandma was lovely but tough. She has a benign tumour on her pancreas, and a polyp in her throat. She needs to have all her food blended. We compared pathetic diets, followed by a round of ‘I feel bad for you!’ ‘No, I feel bad for you!’ It’s horrible to be pitied by your grandmother! I assured her I have a wonderful full life, even if it’s not very exciting. I can’t help but shake the feeling she’s hanging on to make sure we grandkids are all settled.

My life is really lovely. I do have a nice spot carved out here. It’s a quiet life, I’m not making huge splashes at anything. But is that what I want? I have enough people in this world with grudges against me, for very silly things, for the most part. I will just sit here quietly and enjoy my life and quietly do what I can to avoid pain. Cultivate what friendships I can, and just be in the moment.

It sounds right.

💜

Muddling Through

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All in all, I’m not feeling too awful. I hadn’t had a great time sleeping, but once I’d figured out my feet haven’t been warm since… I can’t remember, it was time for some socks. I usually can’t sleep with socks on, but my feet liked this, and I slept like the proverbial log. I thought I should look online to see if I could find some slippers. Not an easy thing in August. I may stick with the socks with the trippy bottoms for now.

I was miserable last night. I had a couple of days where I had slept for 20 hours or so, and my meds were all screwed up. My knee kept popping out, my face and head hurt, my back hurt, I had cramps, I couldn’t remember anything, and I was lonely.  I was whining to my husband that I couldn’t get comfortable, and I was freezing. I wanted more pillows, and he got this happy look on his face. Apparently, he had purchased all these pillows and didn’t know what to do with them. So he immediately piled four pillows on me and produced three from under the bed. Such comfort!

My sheets are so gross and smelly. I’ve been so sick, husband hasn’t been able to get me out long enough to change them. This weekend. I am so excited! The kids’ bedding is changed every week, but I’m always asking him to leave it just one more week, we will be fine! Ugh.

I am so tired these days. The heat, the pain, not moving, the stress. It adds up. I’m usually better after my shots, but I haven’t heard from the clinic yet. I’m not eating as much, either. I get weighed on the weekend, usually, too.

Today it’s mostly my head, my back, and my pubic bone giving me trouble. My knees are acting up when I get up to use the washroom. I try to straighten them and they pop and crack, quite painfully, as you see the patella slide around, or it knocks sideways before sliding into place. God, it hurts.  I’m trying to rehydrate. Last night I had the worst case of dry mouth. It’s probably from all that time asleep. I should have taken in some water. Thunder storms and rain today. The big stick that pokes my wounds.

My boy is a grouchy today. His sister is being sweet to me. I was thinking just yesterday how I will missthem when school starts. Check that. Not the fighting. Sigh.

As long as my feet are warm, I’m sleepy. So it’s naptime. I’m nodding off.

❤

My Wonderful Husband ðŸ’™

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Things got a bit awkward? no, unfortunate last night. My darling husband and I started to snuggle, and we got about as far as Marge and Homer in the above .gif, only we were still wearing our matching pajamas (yes, every year at Christmas I buy the family matching pajamas. We are Canadian and it’s May, of course they’re on!) when suddenly I had the blinding head pain and nausea return. I was so upset. I’ve been in too much pain to be intimate for so long. Of course he understood, and just held me. He has to stop being attractive, too, though.

I was thinking if I should ask him if I could tell this story, I paused and I could almost hear him say “Why? It’s facts!” I started to cry. He’s so wonderful. Of course, just then my kids burst in with early Mother’s day gifts. They had a makeup brush I wanted and deodorant in a particular scent. They bought three sticks! My son informed me. Also, I stink. They wanted to know why I was crying, of course, so I told them it was because their dad was wonderful. They were fine with that. My husband rounded the corner shortly after and I had a chance to ask him if he would be embarrassed if I shared the story of last night. “Why, it’s facts?” He said.

Yesterday I just slept all day. I had stuff I wanted to do, but a two-hour nap turned into three, which became five… I think it was good. The pressure in my head was bad, and I needed to relax. My husband suggested I sleep in again today, but I thought if I did that I might not get up at all. When am I going to accept that he is always right? I did some makeup stuff, but the photos are awful. If I don’t feel good, the photos don’t turn out. Waste of time if I can’t show off. Or if I cringe looking at the photos.

Right now my head is throbbing and my jaw really hurts. I overdid things. My pubic bone hurts, too, likely from sitting up so long the past few days. I ache all over. I can’t remember much of any conversation. Watching TV is futile. I can only watch reruns of animated stuff I’ve seen a million times. I can’t follow other stuff. Law and Order was really bad. Archer is baffling to me. I keep calling him Bob. My husband watches sports beside me on his tablet. Or we watch together.

Ha! Husband just ran in, gave me a kiss and ran out again.

This head thing is really frustrating, but my husband really cheers me up. So glad he’s in my life. 💙

For Mothers day (because my husband is such a terrible speller, we refer to it as Mothra’s day, and of course Fathead’s day. Although that may have come about as a autoreplace suggestion. 🤔 My husband is a Fathead, yes he is! Full of knowledge!)

Anyway, I haven’t really been feeling well enough to do anything for my Mother, so in appreciation, Mom, if you are reading this, I will not take you to see Snatched this weekend, that atrocious looking movie with Goldie Hawn and Amy Schumer. My Mom works so hard looking after my Dad, she deserves major snaps, because she has her own challenges, yet she cares for him tirelessly. I’ve long felt it’s easier to be the patient than the carer. I know I would have bailed long ago.

I’m feeling really frustrated with this stupid head pressure affecting things so much. I didn’t even vape yesterday because inhaling was going to hurt too much. That’s not good. I’m frustrated it’s taking from the tiny amount of leisure I was afforded. I don’t want to have to give everything up. I’ve had to give up so many hobbies already.

I’m scared it will come down to choosing between functioning and being comfortable.

Have a great evening, Zebra pals! 😘

Happy Easter!

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We woke up early this morning, and even though the kids are 15 and almost 13, the Easter Bunny hid a few eggs around the house. The Bunny was kind and left my stash on the sofa. 😀

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I have no idea how much of this is allowed on FODMAP, but likely not much, because it’s yummy. I don’t eat much, so this should last me until next Easter, easily.

I spent some time downstairs with my family, and then trundled back upstairs. My daughter was uncomfortable with me in her space, and I was in pain. My pubic bone is hurting like crazy now, I need some rest time from my crazy activities. Hairstyling diva.

On the occasion on Easter, I may as well take the opportunity to talk about my religion. I am a Christian. I belong to the United Church of Canada, which has a unique outlook on spirituality. The Church’s focus is on your personal relationship with God and Jesus. Your attendance at church is to learn from the teachings of the Bible, which is not taken literally, word for word. Belonging to the church means a focus on community and looking out for one another, taking care of each other. I haven’t been able to attend services in years, because I’m not able to travel and sit that long, but I miss it. My former friend, my son’s Godmother was at his Christening and remarked on leaving how refreshed she felt. She commented how different it was from the Catholic Church where they told you over and over you were bad and what not to do.

By changing the focus, I belive, it changes the conversation from what is everyone else doing, to what am I doing? Another rule of the church is gambling is forbidden. Why? Because the house is always rigged, and the people who lose the most tend to be the most disadvantaged in society.

Sometimes we run into problems, like when one of the ministers found she identified as an Atheist. The council isn’t sure what to do about this. She wasn’t immediately removed, 20170415_224811though.

I don’t talk much about my faith or spirituality. I feel it’s very personal, and I don’t feel it very welcome often.

When I hear about Conservative Christians upset it is never about things that would upset me. I suppose that makes me a… Liberal Christian? Hippie Christian?

Live and let live is more than a glib saying.

Have a wonderful Easter, Zebra mates! 😘

So Hungry!

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I am so darned hungry and so darned nauseated at the same time! I really want a hot meal. I want French fries smothered in disgusting gravy and bacon and sour cream. Yesss.

I didn’t receive quite as much pain relief today, but enough that I was able to play makeup for a while. I had fun, and my back didn’t hurt much. My neck was killing me, though. It’s funny, pain is like an onion. You clear one ache up and there’s something lurking underneath. I think it’s our brain’s way of coping. I don’t think we can cope with it all at once, so our brain stacks the pain. I don’t know, it’s just a theory I have.

I didn’t have a nap today, surprisingly. I’m ready to drop now, but I pushed through today.

Today is pretty boring. I’m feeling pretty boring. I’m out of energy. I don’t have the spoons. I can barely move my fingers. My stomach is growling noisily.

I even started a book the other day. It’s good, I’m enjoying it. I miss reading.

Hope you’re having a good day!

Happy spring, Zebra friends! 😙

 

 

Do Cookies Have Brains?

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OK,  so the reason I’m asking is that I feel like I’m eating a lot of cookies, but I also feel like a zombie. So this only really makes sense if Cookies have brains.

I am feeling so tired right now, but I want to play with my makeup. I have a plan, and I’m not going to give up, even though I keep snapping  my neck awake every few minutes. This exhaustion is just rude. I tend to eat cookies when I’m this tired because I think the sugar will help me. It just makes me fat. What I really need is a nap. I really should just sleep because I’m just going to be frustrated. 😔 I’m so upset. I want to do things, but I’m so tired almost all of the time. I keep having to postpone things.  I will try and get up at 3:00 and see if I can do it then.

I’m also having problems with bedsores. It’s getting annoying. I’m going to have to start wearing a bra again. That’s upsetting, because it binds my stomach. It hurts. I have had terrible heartburn and nausea has worsened lately. I’m eating even less nutritious food and more cookies. Everything hurts my stomach.

Okay, I’m going to nap now. The weather is cold. It was -25C overnight. Rest time.

Be good to yourself fellow Zebra! 😘