Wednesday!

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Having a restful day relaxing and recovering from yesterday and my doctor appointment adventure. I’m awfully tired today. Very sore, but feeling good otherwise. My hands are unruly, though. It’s like trying to type with mannequin hands. They are so stiff, and kind of sore.

My son had to watch the documentary movie Supersize Me for school, so we watched it together. He has so much homework to do while on break, but I don’t think he’s touched much of it. I know he was supposed to have a bath today, and has ignored all requests to get in and do that. Dad will have to yell, I suppose.

My husband called about that ridiculous taxi driver who was so obnoxious yesterday, and it turns out he is suspended. The company apparently has been having problems with him, but they can’t really prevent him from getting into one of their cars and driving, he’s just not sanctioned. Nice to know, staying home forever now. 😂

I put up a photo of my new highlighter set and got a comment on my Instagram from said highlighter creator, and my favourite makeup guru Pat McGrath, so I am in seventh heaven today! I took some time to play and I had a good relaxing fun experience.

My television cable box  connection has been broken since yesterday. This isn’t enormous, but I get a ringing in my ears and I like some television noise to drown it out. Music is jarring to me, for some reason and that really upsets me. I miss it. I can only listen to things in a certain tone and if it gets too high-pitched, I just cringe. Also, at a certain point I flake. With no TV, I keep on going… not good.

My friend since high school sent me the most touching note. I’m just … I need a few days sometimes between when something happens and thanking someone. I need time to let my emotions settle. It was so beautiful. I’m going to keep that note forever. ❤

Today was a comfortable day, despite the pain. I don’t know if that even makes sense.

Have a lovely day, Zebra friends! 😙

 

Groan

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Had to miss my doctor appointment this morning. I just couldn’t go. I’m in pain again and I’m just exhausted. I feel like the pain isn’t as bad as it was, like I can cope with it. But it’s still debilitating.

I just had to fill out a bunch of quizzes for my cannabis doctor. The other one retired to do addiction research and so I get a new one. All these questions about am I depressed, and a stupid one about my lifestyle, essentially if I don’t leave my bed I’m a depressed potato, vs. am I a productive member of society? No, better shoot me, then.

Supposed to be a big storm coming, so I hope they don’t cancel. I’m just five days off my renewal, so I don’t have time to waste. Asking if I’ve been eating poorly the last two weeks as a sign of depression… the constant nausea from my illness takes care of that, thank you! So ableist! My other doctor was such an asshole about me being in bed because, my husband finally sussed, he assumed if I was in bed I was sleeping all the time. No! It’s just the only place that’s cushioned enough for me. Listen to my words, doctor!

Anyway, that nap. So tired. Pain makes me sleepy.

Be your wonderful selves, Zebra friends! 😘

 

I’m Gorgeous! (Not)

I had a super painful boutique of painsomnia last night. As I was u6hjv9jgygs4orolling over to my left side to go to sleep, my left knee subluxed and I was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t quite settle it into place, and lay aching from 10:30 until I gave up at 2:00 am.

At 2:00 am, I gave up and picked up my tablet, started playing on the internet. I had to dim the light way down, because my eyes really hurt. I was able to chat with my sister in Beijing around 6:00 which is a nice treat. I haven’t spoken to her in a while. She was on vacation in Indonesia recently, and didn’t even load photos up anywhere! But Saturday is her busy day, and she told me this hilarious story about one of her 4-year-old students punching her in the face. I’m pretty sure the hilarity was in the telling.

After we chatted, I fell into a restless sleep, and woke up to my alarm at 10:00 am. Damn me for deciding to be productive on weekends. I hit the snooze for an hour and got up to use the washroom. I got back into bed, and decided to survey the damage of my face.

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My left eye is quite swollen. It looks hilarious. It’s not quite as weepy, but is tender. When my husband brings our son home from therapy, I think we should call Tele health and check. My eyeball isn’t infected, or I should say affected, I’m just sore around the eye, the left one, and I sleep on that side -so it’s drained into that sinus, we figure. I have taken Benadryl allergy complete, and am sitting propped up, but it’s not draining, really.

I don’t want to go to a walk-in clinic, especially while flu-ish because I don’t want to catch something worse. If it’s not urgent and can be managed, I’d rather hang on and go see my GP on Tuesday, because of course it’s a long weekend! I’m sick just about every long weekend, it’s a running joke. Our daughter is sick, too, poor sweetie.

To add to my grotesque appearance is a large pimple where my chin used to be. It’s scabbed over now and looks like a cold sore that got lost.

I need a bath so much. I am so sore, and my hair has been two weeks without a wash, and needs detangling. It would have been so good if I could have gotten to it even a day or so ago! I just do not have the spoons. I will have to tackle it first thing tomorrow. Put the family on notice. I feel so weak.

I had a neat conversation with a friend today. She is a nurse, and gets the flu shot because of being around immune compromised people like me, but she hadn’t noticed a difference herself. I explained how normally, a flu could keep me sick and essentially unconscious, because I’m sleeping to get better for six weeks or so to gain my strength. But when I have a flu shot, and they get them right, I recover much quicker. I’ve been sick nearly a week, but I’m not sleeping the whole time, and I have been keeping food down, etc. She didn’t realize it could be that bad. She’s so lovely. I’m sure she’s a great nurse!

pg2bvxtorfh32I went on a bit of a shopping spree last night. Urban Decay was offering triple points, and I’m determined to make top-tier, for some reason; and then I bought some lipstick. If I can’t put it on, at least I can buy it! I have to stop with these sprees, especially when I’m over budget. Our tax system is such that our payroll tax, I think it is, starts in January, and when your contribution is full, they stop collection, around July. This means my husband loses $1,000 out of his cheque for six months and then we forget the rest of the year. Every January it’s a new round of belt-tightening. What? Save money for the lean times! Pshaw!

There have just been so many escalating costs, too. Especially just around the first of this year. I think I’ve whined about this plenty. I won’t bore you more. It’s tough finding things to do when your concentration isn’t great, and your hands don’t work so well. Online shopping is so much fun, but that gets old too. It’s just stuff. I am enjoying playing with it when I can. I’m enjoying blogging here, too. I’ve met lovely people. Only lovely people.

I’ve offended people talking about my spending, but they may actually do things, outside, like in public. I don’t think they even realize there are months I don’t get to leave the house, so $300 on makeup isn’t horrid. What did you spend $300 on last month able person? Lattes? Taxis? Lunches? It adds up. I didn’t have those expenses, at all. But I do realize I have privilege. Many people don’t have the means. I married a smart, hard-working guy, and we have had some really lucky breaks along the way.

I’m aware I may be babbling. I’m in that hazy, cool, fun, dreamy, tired state.

I often resent that I had to stop my career, such as it was, to tend to my broken body. What could I have done if I had gotten proper support instead of being encouraged to go on LTD? Would I have been a better employee were I not in pain all the time? I don’t know. Life is this way now, and I’ve spent so much time getting to know myself, I wouldn’t trade with anyone now.

Our son is going on a class trip for four days next week and I’m stressed.  He’s growing so fast! Ugh, these kids give me so much stress, and are my world, all at the same time. I didn’t realize parenting would be as much fun as it has been. I’ve laughed so much along the way! There have been lots of tears, too. But lots of laughs. I will be so relieved when he’s back home.

Probably should nap now. My eye hasn’t changed, but is getting tired.

Wash your hands, my zebra pals! 😘

 

Impotent Rage

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I’m sure you can probably guess what I’m annoyed about. A certain POTUS is being a giant idiot, and I am having a tougher and tougher time dealing with it. Let me explain.

It’s fairly easy to put your head down when you have a chronic illness, and keep your focus on your needs, focus on your family, focus on your next milestone. There is not a thing wrong with that. I think that is a phase we all go through, and it’s a healthy thing to do from time to time.

When the election campaign started for the 2016 election in the US, I didn’t pay much attention. After all, I’m Canadian. I held a passing interest as the global citizen I had always been, but then I started to shift. The current POTUS started saying some pretty sexist things as he was campaigning. Then some pretty outrageous and sexist things. By the time he was on to Nasty Woman in October, I was firmly with Her, and there I have remained.

Fortunately, I received an invitation to Pantsuit Nation after the horror of November 9th, and met some amazing, passionate people who care. I’ve made some very good friends! I have learned so much.

I don’t talk about politics much here, because it’s not relevant: it’s not important. Not usually. Right now, though, I am feeling shell-shocked. I haven’t felt this way since right after 9-11. I feel like I’m wandering in a daze whispering why?

But that’s not productive. What is enraging me the most are the people who are ignorant of the facts, who are acting as if this measure wasn’t taken, no vetting would be done. What I must do is step away, inform myself with reputable news sites, and stay away from comment sections.

Where my heart breaks the most, is my friends in the US who have similar physical challenges. While I whoop it up in Canada with socialized medicine and medical marijuana, people can’t see their doctors.

Every time I think about it I start eating cookies. That’s not good either. Maybe I should nap.

Wait: I have a better idea! Movie time..Name it!

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