Just Breathe

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Oh, well, things are back to normal. Life is back to kick me in the ass and remind me I am sub-human, in case I had forgotten. One of the latest games is to obnoxiously correct my grammar as I am trying to form a sentence. I’m just pleased if I can communicate an idea, never mind if I remembered it was try to instead of try and. Maybe people are thrilled they can bulldoze me for the first time. Worse,  however, is I can still hear that horrified ‘oh my God’ when referred to my size in the conversation of last week. I mean, I’m 5’8″. When I carry extra weight, I look huge.

So, I’m finding being judged at every turn very tiring. Everyone has something to say. There are actually people in this world who believe you draw to you everything that happens. Therefore, if I am suffering pain, I must be a bad person. Genetic? Bad in a past life. I’m fat? Then using a wheelchair because I’m lazy, no other reason. Now that I’m close to average size, I’m treated so much better by doctors and strangers. My friends are gone, though. That often with weight loss, I’ve heard.

I’ve been suffering a lot of knee pain. It keeps me awake at night. It’s awful. I hope it goes away. I have been bracing like crazy at night. My shoulders are really bothering me. I’m not certain how I could brace them, but I’m resting and keeping warm.

So many doctors have turned me down! I can’t get a specialist! They keep saying to wait until the EDS Clinic sees me. I’m so glad we are 5 weeks away. My clinic is no longer doing Botox. Great. Just found out. My head isn’t too bad, knock wood! I think many are not comfortable without the specialist support. So we wait and take things easy.

My days have nice flow. Wake at 6. Breakfast, coffee, Instagram. See kids off to school. Deal with emergencies. Play with makeup.  Lunch. Crafts for an hour. Nap. Tidy, hang out, organize. Time with husband, night meds and snack. Sleep, painsomnia, sleep.

God, my face hurts. 😣

My EDS Hands

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As you can maybe guess, I am kind of in a strange mood today. Positive, but strange. Twisted. Amused. I slept yesterday afternoon for a good chunk. Three hours. Until my son came running home, pounding on the door because he lost his wallet and keys. Daughter refused to open the door, as she thinks he should get his keys out and open it himself (unaware he has lost said keys). Brilliant husband figured out son’s route home, called local convenience store, and voila! Found wallet and keys.

 

My wrists are feeling better today, but I will spend some more time in

Side view of brace for right hand, my thumb goes in that pink loop.

those cast-like braces. They help so much, but there is just not much to do with them on. I really need to be evaluated by a specialist. I may need one of those fancy thumb stabilizers.

I have finger splints,  as I have swan neck deformity of the fingers. I will post a photo of that one day. It’s not too gruesome to google. I find, though, the finger splints don’t relieve that much pain. It’s equal to resting. The brace or splint does do quite a bit more.

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Top view of right hand brace.

It’s going to be a low-key weekend. I will rest, wash my hair, maybe do some makeup try-on for my blog http://www.squidgesbeautyhaul.wordpress.com, but that’s it! Fun only. I won’t be posting, I will be resting my wrist. Maybe trying out voice to text.

I’m certainly feeling better than I was last week. Still in bed, at least I’m not crying, too! Baby steps! 👣