Mid Break Update

giphy3

I am really feeling better. I have taken a giant step back, I feel. I am streamlining my life.

I have divested myself of my Beauty blog. That was difficult. I’m disappointed. I enoyed that so much. I don’t know that it was hugely popular, but I enjoyed it. The commitment was too much, however. I will still continue to play with makeup. It is excellent therapy. It keeps my hands nimble, keeps me moving and motivated. I have a reason to sit up straight for a while, although I can lie down and apply makeup!

I’v pared down my Facebook friends list. I was originally going to delete everyone, and keep my account only as an identifier to log on to websites, but as I was deleting people, there were some who… well, I just couldn’t get rid of right away. I thought I would do two phases. Then, I decided to live with the smaller list for a few days. I like it. So far, it might be the level of socializing I need. Unfortunately, in my haste, I know I let some people go, people I probably shouldn’t have. I can’t remember everyone, though. I do hope they will be back.

After the US election last year, I added tons of friends, thinking there would be opportunities to make some great friendships. I did make some friends. But I overestimated my ability to actively participate in friendship. It’s also interesting to see who had left long ago.  But I think this was a mistake, overall. As social and gung-ho as I sometimes feel, I sometimes don’t take the time to guard my emotions or protect myself from potential toxic friendships. I need to be more vigilant.

I feel like I have been doing a lot of things in the wrong way lately. Perhaps pushing things too hard when I should be letting go. I’ve been complaining and feeling that I have no friends, but I do, and I have. I couldn’t see them for the riff-raff. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I would be disingenuous if I didn’t. I think, however, those who have been in acute pain for any length of time will understand, at least, how I may have been feeling.

I’m feeling far more zen. Focusing on myself. My family. Becoming well within myself. Banishing negativity. It is hard, because my body is going through hell, but I know it’s for the best.

I’m decorating my space with pretty things. I’m organizing everything I can get my hands on.  It’s one of my favourite things.

The muscles in my back have been killing me, partly from getting rid of stress, partly from overdoing it. My head still hurts. I have almost constant migraines and facial pain, but I try to not think about it. Keeping up with the medications help.

Another issue is that I am bad at taking my medication. I am now committed to taking my full dose at proper times, and it’s helping a lot. I know I am being stupid about this, but I lost a bunch of friends on a message board when someone decided I was a drug addict for taking my medication (it was the wrong type at the time, not a good fit, I was going through a nightmare on this stuff, so I really wasn’t great at defending myself) and it’s affected me. I am working on this.

My kids are really struggling. I am trying to be more present for them. My son does not, in fact, have Autism, but a series of learning disabilities. My daughter, does have Autism. Both have anxiety disorders. Brilliant kids, struggle to leave the house.

Be well, see you on the first!

I’m Gorgeous! (Not)

I had a super painful boutique of painsomnia last night. As I was u6hjv9jgygs4orolling over to my left side to go to sleep, my left knee subluxed and I was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t quite settle it into place, and lay aching from 10:30 until I gave up at 2:00 am.

At 2:00 am, I gave up and picked up my tablet, started playing on the internet. I had to dim the light way down, because my eyes really hurt. I was able to chat with my sister in Beijing around 6:00 which is a nice treat. I haven’t spoken to her in a while. She was on vacation in Indonesia recently, and didn’t even load photos up anywhere! But Saturday is her busy day, and she told me this hilarious story about one of her 4-year-old students punching her in the face. I’m pretty sure the hilarity was in the telling.

After we chatted, I fell into a restless sleep, and woke up to my alarm at 10:00 am. Damn me for deciding to be productive on weekends. I hit the snooze for an hour and got up to use the washroom. I got back into bed, and decided to survey the damage of my face.

wp-1487438394688.jpg

My left eye is quite swollen. It looks hilarious. It’s not quite as weepy, but is tender. When my husband brings our son home from therapy, I think we should call Tele health and check. My eyeball isn’t infected, or I should say affected, I’m just sore around the eye, the left one, and I sleep on that side -so it’s drained into that sinus, we figure. I have taken Benadryl allergy complete, and am sitting propped up, but it’s not draining, really.

I don’t want to go to a walk-in clinic, especially while flu-ish because I don’t want to catch something worse. If it’s not urgent and can be managed, I’d rather hang on and go see my GP on Tuesday, because of course it’s a long weekend! I’m sick just about every long weekend, it’s a running joke. Our daughter is sick, too, poor sweetie.

To add to my grotesque appearance is a large pimple where my chin used to be. It’s scabbed over now and looks like a cold sore that got lost.

I need a bath so much. I am so sore, and my hair has been two weeks without a wash, and needs detangling. It would have been so good if I could have gotten to it even a day or so ago! I just do not have the spoons. I will have to tackle it first thing tomorrow. Put the family on notice. I feel so weak.

I had a neat conversation with a friend today. She is a nurse, and gets the flu shot because of being around immune compromised people like me, but she hadn’t noticed a difference herself. I explained how normally, a flu could keep me sick and essentially unconscious, because I’m sleeping to get better for six weeks or so to gain my strength. But when I have a flu shot, and they get them right, I recover much quicker. I’ve been sick nearly a week, but I’m not sleeping the whole time, and I have been keeping food down, etc. She didn’t realize it could be that bad. She’s so lovely. I’m sure she’s a great nurse!

pg2bvxtorfh32I went on a bit of a shopping spree last night. Urban Decay was offering triple points, and I’m determined to make top-tier, for some reason; and then I bought some lipstick. If I can’t put it on, at least I can buy it! I have to stop with these sprees, especially when I’m over budget. Our tax system is such that our payroll tax, I think it is, starts in January, and when your contribution is full, they stop collection, around July. This means my husband loses $1,000 out of his cheque for six months and then we forget the rest of the year. Every January it’s a new round of belt-tightening. What? Save money for the lean times! Pshaw!

There have just been so many escalating costs, too. Especially just around the first of this year. I think I’ve whined about this plenty. I won’t bore you more. It’s tough finding things to do when your concentration isn’t great, and your hands don’t work so well. Online shopping is so much fun, but that gets old too. It’s just stuff. I am enjoying playing with it when I can. I’m enjoying blogging here, too. I’ve met lovely people. Only lovely people.

I’ve offended people talking about my spending, but they may actually do things, outside, like in public. I don’t think they even realize there are months I don’t get to leave the house, so $300 on makeup isn’t horrid. What did you spend $300 on last month able person? Lattes? Taxis? Lunches? It adds up. I didn’t have those expenses, at all. But I do realize I have privilege. Many people don’t have the means. I married a smart, hard-working guy, and we have had some really lucky breaks along the way.

I’m aware I may be babbling. I’m in that hazy, cool, fun, dreamy, tired state.

I often resent that I had to stop my career, such as it was, to tend to my broken body. What could I have done if I had gotten proper support instead of being encouraged to go on LTD? Would I have been a better employee were I not in pain all the time? I don’t know. Life is this way now, and I’ve spent so much time getting to know myself, I wouldn’t trade with anyone now.

Our son is going on a class trip for four days next week and I’m stressed.  He’s growing so fast! Ugh, these kids give me so much stress, and are my world, all at the same time. I didn’t realize parenting would be as much fun as it has been. I’ve laughed so much along the way! There have been lots of tears, too. But lots of laughs. I will be so relieved when he’s back home.

Probably should nap now. My eye hasn’t changed, but is getting tired.

Wash your hands, my zebra pals! 😘

 

When All Your Friends Are Spoonies

kenkj5ttsabk4

I was supposed to go out with a really good friend of mine today. She is amazing, and I adore her. We’ve been trying to get together for ages, but it’s one o’clock and I haven’t heard from her. She’s a spoonie, too. She is probably ill. I was hoping to give her the Christmas gifts from the family! I sent her a text an hour ago. We will reschedule again. She’s really busy at work. All these no-shows. I’d better not take this personally! 😁

It’s kind of okay, because there was a storm overnight, and I am

jespz6lli6jjg

Me (not actually), trying to catch all the spoons in the world 😀

in a ton of pain today. I knew as soon as I moved this morning. My right hip has half subluxed, just enough to be really painful. Enough I don’t want to put weight on it. My elbows are really sore, too.Even my medication and marijuana vape haven’t moved the pain much today. I know my friend would come over and hang out, but it’s more fun to go out where my kids don’t interrupt.

Yesterday was a quiet day. I had planned to do all these things, but they never materialized. I ended up screwing around on the internet, Facebook, and taking some pictures of my makeup for my blog http://www.squidgesbeautyhaul.wordpress.com, and for Influenster.com. They assign you tasks to promote and review products, and you can get free products. It’s North America wide, passes the time and is fun!

If you’re looking for an interesting Instagram account, my sister and her husband are teaching English in Beijing @theteachingcouple and documenting their adventures. Such adorable kids!

My daughter is turning fifteen this week! I can’t believe I am the mother of a fifteen years old! I am only nineteen myself, in my head! Her birthday is on Wednesday, today is the fifteenth anniversary of day two of labour. 😦 They were trying to keep her in until she hit 37 weeks gestation. ☺

Tonight gluten-free pizza night. I’m so delighted.

I’ve lost another one of my makeup palettes! I am getting very disturbed at the amount of times I am losing things. I’m not particularly messy or disorganised, but I do like to have things fairly close. I have most makeup in organised bins, but as you are aware, it is so easy to be doing something and to just come up exhausted all of a sudden. This is when my husband throws things into another bin… it tidies things, but I can’t find them again. So my Kat von D Alchemist palette is gone, and it hasn’t been in stock for weeks! I know it has to be here somewhere, though.

I’m going to go play with makeup or have a bath or something. Hope you’re having a great day!

Happy Monday! 😉

xt1xghkp7hqm0jvwrs

I had a pretty darn good weekend! I managed to accomplish quite a lot, all while giving my carpal tunnel a bit of a rest. I mean, I assume it’s carpal tunnel. My GP told me it probably was years ago when I first complained about it. Now that I say this, it had to be over 20 years ago, and he didn’t even examine me. I really need to get this checked.

So, on Friday I received a Vox Box, which is sent out by Influenster.com. You get to try out things and review them on

20170128_170754

Playing with the vampy Bite amuse bouche in Whiskey,  liner in 044

different sites. I get to review Bite Beauty’s new lip pencils. They are amazeballs. On Saturday I was able to do some makeup try-on for my other blog after a nice long bath, and I tried ALL THE LIPSTICKS! It was a blast!

I woke up around my usual time of 10:00, dozed until 10:30, breakfast, coffee, vaping, bath. So I didn’t really get going until after 1:00, closer to 2:00. My son saw me in the early afternoon, and then came by at 7:00 and I was still taking pictures of myself! He must have thought… What the? But I explained that I rested, I changed my lipstick every few pictures so people can tell what it looks like! “Oooh!” He said!

Sunday was so productive! I was able to edit some of the photos I had taken. I caught upon some news during my morning vape. I love Sunday mornings, hubby makes chocolate chip pancakes! They are so good!

While catching up with things, I found out one of my newer friends is having a crisis. She had her heat shut off because she made an arrangement with the heating company or whomever and whoops! Not in the system! I know so many who are screwed over like this. Of course the CSR is lying to her because everything is recorded, but you can’t fight them. They have all the power, literally. So we got together and helped. It’s tough, because so many need help. We do make some money, but we are spending so much now, too. Son has two therapy appointments a week now, at $200 each. I go 2x per month, daughter should go every month. Then there’s living in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I don’t go out socially, so, save money there. Anyway, I just wish I could do more.

So, my daughter’s birthday is coming up, speaking of money, and we hadn’t bought her anything yet. I saw the cutest t-shirt I thought she would like, and then found one for myself, and then she wanted another, then one for her friend. They were starting at $12 USD, which is how we got suckered in. So we bought some adorable tees. Then I bought her some pants from the Gap. It’s one of the few places I can order online for her that carries tall. She is 5’9″ and wears a small PLUS she is all leg. She needed them. I had to buy myself some, too, as none of my pants fit me anymore. I ended up buying 2 pairs of jeans and a pair of ‘joggers’ although I wanted some pants. I can’t seem to find pants that are neither too casual, nor too dressy, and come past my ankle. Am I too demanding? No rips, no shiny, full length.

When I lost all that weight over the last 2 years, my pants didn’t seem to shrink much up until just recently. I went down two sizes when I ordered and they were still too big. One of the sizes I bought was a 16! I hope it fits! I am 5 lbs away from being under 200 lbs 😮

Sunday afternoon my daughter and I watched the Beware of Slenderman Documentary. I was so disappointed! It was really boring! It didn’t go into anything. I knew as much from skimming a couple of articles and reading a couple of links on Slenderman.  I do not have a huge knowledge of the Character, but I didn’t come away feeling like I knew anything more than I did before. My daughter left halfway through. The interviews with the parents of the girls involved in the Slenderman Stabbings were interesting, the testimony and interviews of the girls were interesting, but you felt it was leading somewhere it wasn’t. Ah, darn.

My boy spent some time with me both on Saturday night and last night. He’s a great cuddler. He said on Friday night, “if I got to choose my Mom I’d choose you a million times over!”

Hope you had a fantastic weekend! It’s supposed to be freezing here in Toronto for the next couple of weeks, so I am not looking forward to that! Hope you’re comfortable where you are! 😘