So. Much. Pain

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My head and neck are absolutely killing me today. My face hurts. My joints hurt. My elbows and wrists hurt. No amount of medication or rub on medication has been working. I’ve spent the day lying in the dark watching Netflix. My daughter had trouble attending school today (that’s a whole other thing) but she came and sat with me while we watched some bad horror for a bit this morning. We don’t usually, as I don’t want her to be associating reward with staying home.

I’m not certain on next steps. I may have to just go to the hospital. This pain is wearing me down. I’m eating more chocolate than usual, which I often do when I want to be sleeping. It helps keep me awake. I want to stop, but I may sleep full time. I see a doctor on Monday for migraine BOTOX. Can I coax a few needles to the back of my head? I’m also to ask about a neurologist.

Still seems like a long time right now.

💜

Good News! I’m alive!

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Well, I suppose that depends on your perspective, but I’m happy I’m starting to feel human again. 🤣 I believe sleeping so much yesterday helped a lot. Usually sleeping so much doesn’t do much to tackle the exhaustion. Things are different when we are dealing with the flu.

It’s funny to me it takes so long to figure out when I have a flu bug or something. I get to feeling worse and worse, and my brain gets less able to figure out what is going on. Being nauseated and tired all the time is nothing new. Dizziness is standard. Flare-up happen. Headaches are constant. At least now I feel like I have one flu instead of two. And why do I get sores on my tongue every time I get sick now? Do not like. (When my daughter was a baby she used to say “Do not like it -push” 😂 she’s so funny).

Two weeks to neurologist appointment. I’m hanging in there. I’m hanging a lot on this. I know this is very dangerous, but it’s all I’ve got.

I am going to shop for some supplies. I am going to look for some aromatherapy supplies. I still have horrific menstrual cramps. Year’s ago a combination of bergamot and ylang ylang in oil massaged on my abdomen used to help. If you try this, it is not safe for pregnant women, because it can cause uterine cramping. I want to find some support pillows, and something to help me apply lotion when my husband and chief lotion-spreader isnt around.  Or is sleeping. 😊

I have new boxes to get organized, so I’m going to do just a tiny bit of that while I have the spoons and need to lie down again. Ten minutes?  I love making my nest cozy. Then I’m going to watch episode 2 of AHS:Cult. I’m so afraid of clowns! 🤡 Even before it was trendy! Maybe this week I can catch up on OITNB and Kimmy Schmidt, too. I’m even thinking of picking up a book. I feel centred enough to try.

I hope you’re doing well!

💜

PS, I felt like a real Zebra the other day! I was doing something where I put my arms out or something, and my son freaked out and asked if I was turning my arm upside down because it looked freaky. My arms are pretty normal, as Zebra arms go, but it made me laugh. 😄

Gurgle

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I slept until 3:00 this afternoon.  I woke to my husband stumbling into the bedroom declaring he just had a nap! This may be the first nap he has ever taken as an adult.

On Friday I was waiting for Pat McGrath’s lipstick collection to drop at noon, and at 11:45, I started vomiting. I managed to buy some lipstick, but then took a nap. Saturday, I was just as gross, and I finally figured out I may have the flu. Considering my daughter has it, and likely my husband does, and my son has been feeling awful… I just may be a genius. There’s been a nasty flu going around here, and my daughter has been having trouble since before school started. She’s either had it twice, or had an extended remix.

My mom was so sweet, she sent me some money on Friday to buy a treat to cheer myself up. From both her and dad. So sweet.

It was tough, but I had to put my Beauty Blog on hiatus until October 5th. I just don’t have the spoons to keep up with it right now. I’m so sad, because it’s one of my favourite things. I’m hoping the neurologist has a theory and I’m feeling better. I would like some answers and a plan.

When I can’t even do the small things, it’s a problem.

I need joy. To be able to supply joy. And I’m not even talking about sex. I’m so many layers below sex, you can’t even imagine. I have about ten layers to go before I even can think about sex.

On this level is bathing, reading, amusing myself, sitting up, and taking my medications. Not just staring into space.

Sigh.

💜

I’m a 10 out of 10

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You know you’re gearing up for a migraine when you lecture a stranger in your dream for wearing too much perfume. I even gave her the speech on the proper distance you should be from someone before you first detect it. I was quite thorough. The proper distance, by the way, is conversational distance. That is where you should first detect someone else’s fragrance.  None of this where they walk into the establishment and you can taste it before you even see the person nonsense.

Anyway, I tried to play with makeup yesterday, but the migraine started creeping up. I continued, because it had been over a week! I played for a bit, then finally had a nap. Slept from 1 pm until 8:30 pm when my husband came to bed. I was so restless and uncomfortable.  I couldn’t settle my stomach. I didn’t have anything solid yesterday except for oatmeal for breakfast.

I couldn’t sleep last night, I was just awake, restless. I keep trying. I’d dissolve into tears every once in a while, the pain was so bad, and then it would dissipate. Then ramp up. Ugh. I would lie there, just trying to be still, trying to distract myself. Reading cat memes. Reading long form news stories.

I was supposed to have Botox injections for migraine and for pain management on August 22-ish.  Since then the migraines are back, I’ve had my first period in fourteen years, (Mirena) and I’m wracked with pain.

I have not heard back from the pain clinic. Realistically, it’s been 3 weeks? I think? It feels like an eternity. I feel like most of the pain right now is in the back of my head, whatever we are dealing with there. One month until my neurologist appointment.

It’s also been close enough to a month that I believe it is time to start harassing the EDS clinic again. I think we shall do those things, see where that leads us.

I’m interested to see if I have a period next month. The question: was the Botox contributing to my lack of menses? How? Dunno. Correlation does not equal causation yeah yeah. We will see.

Let’s tackle one thing at a time. I will certainly bring it up at the EDS clinic, I don’t know if they have a GYN on staff, but I will ask for a referral straight away, as well as for a gastroenterologist, as that doesn’t seem to be happening either.

Happily, however, my stomach seems to have settled and I no longer feel like throwing up my toenails. Yay Gravol!

Short term, I don’t seem to be sleepy. Or I am already dead. I occasionally find a comfy spot and all is happy for a while, so things aren’t terrible. I’m going to focus on medicating myself today, listening to podcasts, and maybe tv if I can. Tonight I’m definitely taking a sleeping pill, and back to that if I need to.

I was thinking of a warm bath, but moving…

I can do a month! Right?

And however long the EDS clinic takes…

💜

 

 

Head Pain

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Aaagh My head! My head and neck are really sore. I’m just in so much pain. The back of my head really hurts. I fractured my skull in 1992 after a fall down some stairs. Like, a flight and a half. I saw my boots silhouetted against the sky. And I remember nothing. I woke up 10? Minutes later. I was taken to the hospital when fluid was leaking out of my ears later that day. I had some bladder incontinence for a day, but then was better and they sent me home, no follow up. But that’s where it hurts.  I’m also quite nauseated.

I rubbed Voltaren on my neck last night. Oh! Heaven! 😍! My neck is so much better. It may be why my head hurts, as I tend to have migraines when I relax. I want to be put in a harness and hanged by my neck so I can straighten everything out. My husband suggested he crack me like a whip to put everything into place!

I’m in a happy mood, my makeup guru drops a makeup collection today! I’m so excited! My friend made my week the other day. She went blonde, and said I had inspired her, because I have so much fun on my Instagram and beauty blog with different lipsticks and makeup. Wait until she sees my new lashes! Also, she’s quite a beauty. I’m flattered to have inspired someone so fabulous!

I have an appointment with my therapist today, and I’m slightly displeased. Mildly miffed? They have a 48 hour cancellation policy, as one does, and I understand it’s to keep those reluctant or anxious from canceling at the last minute every time. However, I don’t know when I’m going to be hit with blinding pain every time. This is not a therapy avoidance tactic, and although my therapist is kind enough to meet with me by phone, I am not exactly getting my $200 worth that I am paying out of pocket. Anyway.

I’m in tears from pain now. Still happy, though. You zebras know what I mean! Just vaped. Lol! 😂

Have a good day Zebra friends!

PS. To whom it may concern: I didn’t see any owls on my Facebook. If you go to my WordPress page, the icons at the top? Should take you directly to me. My avatar shows half my face. Also on my WordPress site is a contact form to email me so you can send me your name, I can look out for you!

My head is mushy and um… sorry. I am intelligent.

I Need a Reboot

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I was feeling pretty okay today, considering it’s just less than a week before my Botox, and traditionally I’m feeling rough the week to ten days before that appointment. Usually I’m as I was at the beginning of the week, exhausted, unable to move much, napping a lot. Just generally miserable and in pain. It seems the mmj adjustment is helping. I felt a lot better today, and was able to distract myself with the makeup blog and some looks. I didn’t even exhaust myself. My neck was very sore, and my head hurt, but I didn’t think about it.

One thing that disturbs me is in took some photos for Instagram the other day, and I was very tired. When I looked at the photos, my eyes were the aligned. I looked at more photos and you can see the more tired I am, the worker my eyes are. These were bad, though. I will bring it up to my eye doctor when I see him in a couple of weeks.

After I relaxed for today, my husband took our son to therapy. I had dinner, daughter is downstairs at her homework, when all of a sudden I had a cramp in my lower right quadrant that took my breath away. And then another. It’s like some invisible toddler is stabbing me. I have no idea what is happening, but it’s painful. Since my pot doctor said to vape, I’m vaping. The intensity of the pain might actually send me to the hospital if I thought they would know what to do with me. It’s not my appendix. I don’t have a fever, chances are good it’s not something acute, most likely something ripping. An adhesion? But things can change, so husband is aware.

Of course, since my husband had the winter tires taken off the car yesterday, we are in the midst of a spring blizzard. He was going to pick up the car tonight, but he may just come home. I want to snuggle.

I’m just going to flake for the evening and watch garbage TV.

I want to finish vaping, take my medication and go to sleep. Thank goodness my body likes sleeping. I’m very lucky.

Have a lovely day Zebra pals! 😘

 

PS. My predictive text is super aggressive and I just can’t fight with it today. Sometimes, yes. I do mean i, not in. Or it. Or I do mean the word I actually say. 🖕 I have been using this emotional and lot this week. Again. Emoji.  Yes, I know, I can choose the word in the bar above. My Lenovo never did this…

 

Missing Out

pbnvdadnhoya4 Today I had to miss my dentist appointment.  I haven’t been to the dentist in almost a year, and I really need to have my teeth cleaned. Plus I need to have a new bite guard. I’m terrible with grinding my teeth. But, I am just aching too much, and I can’t do the flight and a half of stairs to the office. When I first called to make my initial appointment, they told me they were accessible. They are so good, though. And they do wonderful things like hitch me on to my husband’s and son’s appointments, so if I need to cancel it isn’t a big deal. The dentist also knew about EDS, and has knowledge of current pain management techniques. He’s so good!

My wrist and elbow have been really been bothering me lately, and I finally put on my arm brace overnight. The big, heavy one made by the physiotherapist. The one that goes from fingertip to just before my elbow, and I feel so much better today! Some days are smarter than others. But sleeping in all that junk is tough. I don’t know if I could sleep in both of them.

Husband has some vacation time to use up, so he took today off. He usually uses his time to take us to appointments, so he was surprised by extra time. I feel awful that I slept all day. Poor guy was so bored! It’s good for him, though.

My marijuana doctor has decided to move to another area of care, so I have to start with another. I’m nervous. I can stay with the practice, but it is somewhat inconvenient to get to, and it has an air of being for-profit. But can we get away from that? I see my Pain Management doctor tomorrow, so we need to talk. Also, husband has mentioned that if I say Botox isn’t working in my back, they may discontinue it altogether. This would be disastrous. Right now I consider myself to be coming off the Botox. I can barely move. When I have some in me, I get at least 6 or 7 pretty good weeks. I’m not out dancing, but I can occasionally do stuff, more so in summer than winter. But to lose it would be devastating.

I will need to tread carefully.