Rough Time

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We ended up, finally, with a couple of inches of snow this morning. My kids, or maybe one was my husband? Were kind enough to send me photos.

I’m in agony. I was whiny yesterday? Ha ha! I tried to stay moving so I wouldn’t stiffen up. Today, I am like Frankenstein’s monster. I have nearly no fine motor skills. I crash around like a huge boar.

Something strange happened this morning. I took my medicine, the marijuana oil, and a while later I felt better. I had been lying still, but I felt dramatically better, and just a bit loopy and nauseated. Did I accidentally take my medicine twice? I feel really good. Just sick. Oops! Then I was ill, which happens so often we keep kidney bowls nearby. I just coughed up some bile. I had to use the washroom. As soon as I went to stand- oh, yes! I had the correct dose. It is very strange for me to do things out of order. But if I had doubled my dose, I could not be in THAT much pain, I am fine. So I hobbled back into bed, and finished a couple of errands I needed to do.

On days that are not so intense, I can keep moving, even if I don’t walk around much. This means my back doesn’t hurt nearly as much. On days when the pain is head to toe, though, there is just no way to deal, except to get through it and recover and piece myself together on the other side.

I am so glad my family is understanding.

My lovely cousin was stuck in town at the airport this morning, when I was at the peak of my stoned-ness, (?) Or whatever was going on there: trying to relax and not cry. She messaged me, I know she could tell I wasn’t myself. I hope I didn’t scare her!

I’m sure it will alarm at least a couple of family members to see me. Over the last three years I’ve lost 120 lbs. Mostly due to gastroparesis, but I know this will be universally ‘positive’ however losing as much as 40 lbs in 3 weeks due to vomiting is not the right way. My body just rejected food. It was horrid. I’m straightening my lovely curly hair because I lie down so much the curls just get crushed and become difficult to manage. That wheelchair we will be investing in. I’m falling so often from my knees giving out, and don’t forget that damn exhaustion!

Ah, well.  Speaking of exhaustion, I am going to have a nap, as I haven’t been sleeping well. I just got a new onesie from Torrid, it has Hello Kitty on it! Just some sleep and when the weather breaks, I need to wrap some gifts. I do this every year. I shop, forget what I buy, my husband hides everything, and when it’s wrapping time, there is a mountain of things!  Ah, its usually small stuff. My daughter’s usually a good helper.

Okay! Gotta nap this out! My lower back, oh wow! Can they do transplants yet?

I should nap…

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I don’t feel good. I don’t really feel sick, either. I’m cold and tired, uncomfortable, and out of sorts. I’m nauseated, and was sick to my stomach yesterday. My son was home sick on Tuesday, but he felt vaguely unwell. Up and around after a few hours.

So, could be the flu, or it could be a regular thing that happens where my digestive system gets wonky for a couple of days. Weird.

I’m going to isolate myself and probably nap until I feel better – likely sometime tomorrow. I will probably be less cranky. I am only cranky because I’m not going to sleep like a silly.

Anyway, I will go do that, catch you in a bit.

Muddling Through

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All in all, I’m not feeling too awful. I hadn’t had a great time sleeping, but once I’d figured out my feet haven’t been warm since… I can’t remember, it was time for some socks. I usually can’t sleep with socks on, but my feet liked this, and I slept like the proverbial log. I thought I should look online to see if I could find some slippers. Not an easy thing in August. I may stick with the socks with the trippy bottoms for now.

I was miserable last night. I had a couple of days where I had slept for 20 hours or so, and my meds were all screwed up. My knee kept popping out, my face and head hurt, my back hurt, I had cramps, I couldn’t remember anything, and I was lonely.  I was whining to my husband that I couldn’t get comfortable, and I was freezing. I wanted more pillows, and he got this happy look on his face. Apparently, he had purchased all these pillows and didn’t know what to do with them. So he immediately piled four pillows on me and produced three from under the bed. Such comfort!

My sheets are so gross and smelly. I’ve been so sick, husband hasn’t been able to get me out long enough to change them. This weekend. I am so excited! The kids’ bedding is changed every week, but I’m always asking him to leave it just one more week, we will be fine! Ugh.

I am so tired these days. The heat, the pain, not moving, the stress. It adds up. I’m usually better after my shots, but I haven’t heard from the clinic yet. I’m not eating as much, either. I get weighed on the weekend, usually, too.

Today it’s mostly my head, my back, and my pubic bone giving me trouble. My knees are acting up when I get up to use the washroom. I try to straighten them and they pop and crack, quite painfully, as you see the patella slide around, or it knocks sideways before sliding into place. God, it hurts.  I’m trying to rehydrate. Last night I had the worst case of dry mouth. It’s probably from all that time asleep. I should have taken in some water. Thunder storms and rain today. The big stick that pokes my wounds.

My boy is a grouchy today. His sister is being sweet to me. I was thinking just yesterday how I will missthem when school starts. Check that. Not the fighting. Sigh.

As long as my feet are warm, I’m sleepy. So it’s naptime. I’m nodding off.

Not Having Fun!

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Well this is a fine kettle of wax. Or ball of fish. My treatment appointment is actually on the 13th of June. I’m not pleased. My head is hurting again, as is my back. And it started about a week early, too. I kept saying I think it’s next week or the week after. I vaguely remembered it was after my boys birthday, which is on the 11th, and I was mildly upset I wouldn’t be feeling well on his birthday.

However, I see the same doctor on the 8th for a consultation. Perhaps it’s better I’m unmedicated by Botox. That way he can see what is really going on.  I will need to discuss with husband my goals and wishes for the appointment, because he will need to summarize and translate, likely. I’m in bad shape. If I spend any time not on my side – ie in any other position, I get a headache and nausea and back spasms. The headache isn’t bad, but the jaw pain is. I’m a grinder of teeth. I do wear a mouth guard when I sleep, but it needs replacing. I just have not been well enough.

It feels like there is a point at the back of my head, and when I’m lying on it, it’s wearing down or bruised? It hurts, but it’s the only way other parts are comfortable. I will roll over and nap soon. My husband thinks I should sleep all day. I haven’t been sleeping at night. I’ve been having good naps from 4:00 to 8:00.

When my neck gets all stiff and sore, and my head hurts and my skull hurts, my cognition gets totally screwed. I honestly giphycan’t reason, it’s such a bizarre feeling. On top of that, I can barely remember the words for most things. Yet, I lie down for a while, it has to be on my side and things get much better. If it’s raining, though, things are almost intolerable. The pain is always bad. Turning my head too quickly is a nightmare. The symptoms get worse the longer I am not on my side, too. I can feel the pain ramping, so I will be going to have that nap now.

My son’s birthday is coming up and I need to prep for my doctor appointment, so if I don’t touch base or check in, I’m rationing my time as much as I can. Know I’m thinking of you, I will be in touch when I can.

I was going to type something and it’s gone from my head. I hate this feeling. It’s not me at all. My husband said ‘it happens to lots of people!’ Not to me!

Oh yeah! It’s funny, my pain always seems to ramp up towards Friday. My Mom said I used to do this as a child, too – I would wait until the weekend to get sick. Hmmm…

Be well Zebra pals! 😘

Doubt, Pain and Uncertainty

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Yesterday went slightly better for me. Strange, because we started the day with the lower THC marijuana, so I had lower pain relief, and I was hurting slightly more. I wonder if I take better care of myself on these days? Something to think about. I made sure I took in proper nutrition, and had some crackers my husband had bought over the weekend with some cheese, and I felt less tired. Hey, now! If I can time this right, perhaps I can work around the nausea and try to have some better food and thus, better energy. I’m pretty good at timing my vitamins now. One thing at a time.

I had a chance to play with a new makeup collection – the Urban Decay x Basquiat Collection – and had a blast. I didn’t make too much of a mess. I was so pleased! I played with new lights, and was happily able to take care of some personal grooming such as shaving my legs, applying a face mask, and I was going to settle down to write a few words for this blog when… okay, I fell asleep. I thought it was just going to be a small two-hour nap, just until my husband came home. It was four o’clock, after all.

Eight o’clock and chicken tortillas in my face indicated this was not to be. I was in quite a lot of pain as well. My abdomen is really bothering me, as is my neck, although it’s eased some. I’m coping. I mean, derangedly, but I’m coping. I have huge acne sores. I’m stressed all to hell, but I’m coping. I just don’t know what else to do except put on makeup because it’s fun, take photos, because that was a lot of work, and the photos are fun, too. Distraction.

I’ve cut my Beauty Blog to three days per week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday now through the month of May. It’s heartbreaking, because it’s so much fun, but I had to give something up. Nobody would take my kids 😃 Likely because I didn’t offer them. My daughter is struggling a bit with her Autism and anxiety. Mama to the rescue! Poor kid. When Dad has Autism as well, it’s difficult because he wants to help, but he isn’t very adept at relating interpersonally. His approach is completely logical. Not necessarily what one needs in the moment. Fortunately he relates well to the hyper-logical boy.

Off to play for a bit!

Stay stripey, my Zebra loves! 😘