Woke Up Like This

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This is me just after I woke up and took out my mouth guard and took off my CPAP machine and pulled off my sleep cap.  This is because my friends on Facebook were teasing me about looking pretty awesome even though it was hot and sticky and I felt awful. I thought this would be a good ‘Me at my worst’ photo.

There is actually a reason for my youthful facial appearance, and it has to do with EDS. Because of our faulty collagen, some of us do maintain quite a youthful appearance.  I’m not certain of the mechanics of it. But it’s a thing. Also, I’ve essentially been in a darkened room for 15 years, wear that damn sunscreen! And I look after my skin as a hobby.

There are some things I am not happy with, of course. I have a wattle under my chin. That may be from the 120 lb weight loss however. I’m exercising my face to try to lose that. I have a pronounced line around my neck that I dislike. My arms are a bit flabby, my boobs are really saggy, I would like a major reduction. My stomach is often bloated from gastroparesis, which I haven’t been officially diagnosed with, but I have. I would like my hair to stop thinning. And the really dry skin that cracks, if that would stop, that would be cool.

I acknowledge these things are nitpicky and minor, and I would only have necessary surgery to correct anything, such as breast reduction, as that may help my back pain or my constant rashes. If I need intestinal surgery, it likely won’t help my gastroparesis. I’m probably stuck with that.

 

We decided to buy my husband a Nintendo Switch for his birthday, only a month early so the kids could play this summer. It was supposed to be here Monday, but it showed on Friday instead. Everybody is rushing through their chores. 😂

 

I think I finally figured out what I was trying to say about jealousy so I can finally drop it. You can’t pick and choose what aspects of my life you want to be jealous of if you’re going to revile me. If you are going to call me a monster or a saint, it isn’t fair to analyze a microscopic part of my life. I’ve made mistakes, some big ones. But if you’re ignoring the big picture, you’re missing everything. And I think that’s what fascinates me about people. Why I dwell on things like this. It’s a puzzle to me.  Because I know if people took into account my whole life they would not be jealous.

(Jealous of ME? I’m nothing! This must be getting like bragging, but I’m sincerely not understanding, I’m so unimportant, I don’t know why anyone would bother, maybe they don’t, though and I have too much time on my hands. This is my conclusion. People often bring this up to me. 🤐)

 

Anyway. I’m spending my weekend relaxing. I have a birthday makeup thing to do for someone! I need to see my kids, my husband. Have a bath.

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😊

Enjoy!

If you want me to do makeup in your favorite colour, or your favorite style, let me know! I’d be happy to try! 😘

Adventures at Generation Beauty Toronto 2017 – Plus advice requested!

This is a cross post, or series of crossposts, from my blog, Squidges Beauty Haul.

Generation Beauty Toronto 2017 – The View From my Wheelchair

Generation Beauty Toronto 2017 – What I Bought

Generation Beauty Toronto 2017 – The Vendor Handouts

The post about the Goody bag is due, that will be up soon and I will add it and publish it.

Here it is:

Generation Beauty Toronto 2017 – The Goody Bag

I found out from reading some other blogs that one booth I know for certain was untruthful with us. We were there on day 1 and asked what was going on, and they said they just gave out their items. Day 2 I came back with my other friend (early) and asked what they had for sale and the same lady said they had “oh skincare and sprays” well another blogger purchased a lot of things they  don’t sell here in my country, and they were giving away full eye shadows if you sat for a sprinkle of highlighter! I’m angry. And hurt. Was I too much trouble? I reached out to the coordinator I was dealing with, but I don’t know if I should let the company know, too. Where is the line?

There was another company that day who, when my friend and I rolled up to the empty booth, the four workers grabbed my wheelchair pusher and left me sitting there. They thoroughly ignored me for a good three minutes. It felt like longer, but giving someone the stink eye for two full minutes should render a reaction.

I do understand mistakes happen. There could be a simple explanation. I can’t seem to come up with one. Especially since this blogger had her loot arranged by day and it was close to the end of day 2 that she went. I don’t want to go in ranting either, my style is a quick explanation with how it makes me feel, and why this was a problematic interaction.

What would you do?

Should I leave it with the coordinator or say something? Are the situations different?

 

And goddamn, if another person puts their hands on their knees to squat down and talk to me all cutesy, I may not be able to contain myself. 😨

I should be sleeping.

Goodnight!

 

Remember Me?

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Hey everyone! I’ve spent the last two weeks freaking out over this past weekend’s beauty convention! It went over very well, and I’m hoping to soon have a cross-post up between my two blogs about my experience.

I was very nervous about this weekend because I purchased the tickets for me and three friends in March when I felt fairly well. With the head and neck pain I’ve been having, I wasn’t certain I could endure the entire weekend.

Add to this, I had my BOTOX injections and broke a crown on my tooth and had to have dental work done. Ugh.

Oh, I missed this story, so on the day of my BOTOX injections, there is a volunteer in who isn’t the usual. She comes in the lobby and calls for Diana. I ignore her, that not being my name. She then calls Diana with my last name. I figure it out. I stagger over, followed by my husband. I apologize for not answering to the wrong name before, being the Canadian that I am, and educate her on the correct pronunciation of my name. DAH-nuh to rhyme with banana. She gets all put out. She goes to the file and starts whining “Well, it’s just that we have four names here for you!” My husband goes over and asks what they are. She’s referring to my first, middle, maiden, and last. The only one I don’t use is my middle. And there’s a short form of my first name I use. So she lightens up a bit.  Then she comes back and want to know if she needs to fill all the serum, if we use all six vials. I told her yes. As we’ve been doing this for three years now? Maybe two and a half. She then says, I don’t know, it’s kind of a lot… And then looks to my husband for validation. 😠 She comes back after with another administrator, and thusly begins calling me Dayna for a good five minutes. I won’t even mention her mocking my husband when he went to get me up when he thought the doctor was ready for me but he wasn’t. I will send a note, though, to patient relations. Yikes!

Back to the convention, so after my BOTOX, I had my tooth fixed, went home, rested up and was really anxiety and pain ridden, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was angsty and stressed and such a mess. But then, as soon as the event was over, as my friend got in her car and drove away….

My throat began to hurt….my tongue began to swell…my lymph nodes are swollen and sore. I couldn’t sleep my tongue hurt so much last night. I’m glad it waited, that was kind. I do need to have my husband book off work to take me to the doctor. I can’t go alone. I get really upset and stressed when I’m sick. Sometimes even before I know I’m sick. It started in my 30s. It’s almost as if I am afraid to be vulnerable. I remember one day being so ill I could hardly walk I had such a cold, but I had decided I had missed four days of work and that was it, I was going in. It didn’t matter it was 8:30 at night, I was needed! My husband talked some sense into me, but I get so irrational.

A couple of conclusions: last time I went out socially was last August. This isn’t acceptable. I need to get out more, as does our daughter, so we do not have this much anxiety.

The world certainly treats you differently when you are thin..ner. I’m not quite thin, but I’m thinner. I’m about 60 less than last year? Wow. Last year someone asked if I was my friends’ mother. That’s the one who spoke to me. This year? Compliments and chats and nobody speaking to my carer (pusher? 😁) first…well, mostly…. but that’s a story for later!

There were actually moments when I didn’t notice my pain. I feel miles better today, spiritually, anyway. My mouth hurts. I’m thinking strep. All that turning of my neck may have worked out some kinks. Now, I’m far from sprinting a race. Much of this is because of a good medication balance. I did have two pretty scary incidents where my knees just buckled under me. My friend who is a nurse thought that was pretty cool, I think, except one was on stairs. It’s that with no meniscus, it feels like one bone goes one way and the other, well… I also had my fingers go out yuck. But in the grand scheme, I will take it.

I will try to get that post about my experience together, and I will let you know!

😘

Family Time

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Yesterday was Mother’s day, and I woke up to my alarm going off at 9:00. I usually sleep until 10 on Sundays, but have been enjoying getting up slightly earlier lately. Plus, my makeup look didn’t work out on Saturday, I wanted to try to squeeze in two looks as well.

I texted the kids, and was greeted with my usual Sunday fare of chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. My son carried those, and my daughter held a huge bag from Pandora! First to come from the bag was a gorgeous fuschia matte lipstick from Urban Decay called Menace that my son picked out. Apparently, he sat in the store with my photo and the lipstick samples and tried to match them. He will be 13 next month. He’s quite diligent. He was deciding among Menace, Alpha and EZ. He told me, even though I’m an Alpha, the colour wasn’t quite right. And he doesn’t think I’m EZ. Menace didn’t fit, but the colour is gorgeous!

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The cigarette holder in the middle is actually the Finger Brush. 

My daughter, 15, gave me a lovely glass box engraved with ‘Always my Mother, forever my friend’. So sweet. My husband gave me a bangle from Pandora, and of course we have the Finger Brush from Saturday. It’s called a finger brush because it’s supposed to mimic the action of your finger, in brush form.

Yesterday worked out well. I pottered and put on makeup, ND had very little pain and pressure. I was able to do two looks, no problem. Well, small problem. I was so tired by the end. I had to fight through.

Today I was battered, but I’ve managed. I played makeup today, I worked on an 80s look today that was fun. I was so tired and sore by the end. I needed a bath, too. I was going to bail, but I snuck up on myself. I almost dozed off inthe tub.  I was washing fast, before I fell asleep.

I’m fighting now to stay awake. I might get an hour before dinner. My back is killing me.  Gonna do it!

Hope your Mother’s day was great, Zebras! 😘

 

Friday!

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Why do I still get excited for Fridays? I haven’t been able to work in nearly fifteen years. You would think maybe my family hangs around more, but they really don’t. I bet it’s the chicken fajitas we have on Friday night and the snuggling and animated shows on Sunday night. The Simpsons and Bob’s Burgers! Oh! Chocolate chip pancakes on Sunday morning! Mmmmm.

My head is hurting less and less. I’m learning to live with this burden. I’ll have to name it. As long as I ensure I lay on my side every hour or so, for at least a half hour, don’t put too much pressure on my neck in general, so no actually holding my head up if I don’t need to, propping up with pillows is preferred. My memory is lousy. I can barely follow conversations, and television plots are very complicated to me. I was trying to find something at an online shop yesterday, and I could not find it. I looked this morning, right there, plain as day. I’m really overdoing things as I’m pretty bored. I don’t want to interact with people because it’s confusing, and I end up getting frustrated. I only want my nuclear family, they understand sort of.

It’s rather like being drunk. You get worse as the day wears on, more tired, more disoriented, dizzier. Napping helps, but it doesn’t quite fix things. You need a full reset for that.

I’m still sort of in hideout mode. It’s most comfortable.  I wish I could read, though. My eyes are wonky and I’m not retaining info. Plus that tiredness thing. Reading would be awesome.

Half of me wants to play with makeup, the other wants to nap all day…

Sigh.

What kind of life is this? I feel like once I get well, THEN my life can begin. But no, this is all there is. I’m sure there is meaning somewhere.

 

Have a lovely day, my Zebras! 😘

Exhaustion Takes Over

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I have been too tired for words lately. I feel like the exhaustion from my Botox treatments have passed, but I am the kind of tired from not sitting around doing nothing long enough or not sleeping well enough. My CPAP mask has been acting up, I just realized the other night I was spending an awful lot of time fiddling with it while I was supposed to be sleeping. My husband ordered a new one and it arrived today.

This month has been lousy with new makeup releases. I’ve been playing with makeup for so many days! My hands are sore, and I took  some photos today and noticed my eye was drooping in the photo, I was so tired. Yesterday, most of my photos were lousy. It’s hard to look good in a photo when you’re tired and sore. It’s possible, but, it doesn’t happen often.

I think the best thing is for me to put myself on vacation until Monday, April 24. If I feel inspired, I may post, but I’m hoping to sleep, rest my hands and wash my makeup brushes and rejuvenate. I have posts brewing in my head, but they will wait.

I’m getting jumpy. I should go.

Have a good weekend, my Zebra friends! 😘

Feeling Okay

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It’s strange to wake up a couple of days in a row and not feel like you had been locked in the trunk of a car overnight. My back is still sore and my breasts have been inexplicably tender for the past couple of weeks. The nausea is still present, but quite diminished, which is a treat! However, the pain is so much less. I feel normal?

I did add to my troubles yesterday when I had dinner. My husband feeds me a half a cheeseburger with bacon for dinner on Saturday. We have been discussing the size of patty for a year now. I told him he needs to make them thinner or remove the bun. He grudgingly removed the homemade bun, but it was back last night. Knowing he went to the effort, I tried it. Wham! As I opened my mouth, and then wider I could hear the creaking of my jaw and then felt the flash of pain. I felt the whole bottom part move over? Is that a thing? I don’t think my jaw opens smoothly, it opens partway, then moves to the side to open more. I could hear the grinding and clicking, and then a snag. But the pain! I will speak to my dentist when I get there. I had a pretty bad headache last night, but I’m just a bit sore today. Soft food.

I did get lots of stuff done yesterday! Played around with my makeup, got some shots for my Instagram, Beauty blog. My daughter harassed some people to ask why they aren’t following my blog, it was sweet. 💜 I must be dying 😂

Vaping is the activity of the moment, more makeup (lots of stuff dropped this week) and hopefully I don’t try to overdo it!

Wishing you some pain diminished moments, Zebras! 😙