Oh! No! More Fuckery!

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Remember how I said I clench my jaw when in pain? Ha! Ha! I woke up yesterday with a chunk missing from one of my crowns. It hurts like hell when I eat and misfire.

Hubby called my dentist right away (he’s on call) and we giphy9decided I could hang in until Tuesday after my shots. Combination of convenience of everyone, me getting some lidocaine in my jaw before lying there with my mouth open for hours, and the probability of me getting up the stairs. The dentist asked me if I needed pain relief. I laughed. He called me back in the afternoon to check up on me, he wanted to make certain I could make it to Tuesday, still. Also his best tech is on then. It makes things go quickly. See why I’m so reluctant to leave? He also mentioned it is a medium sized cavern, now that he’d checked the records. It’s work we had done about 10 years ago. Ten years? With my grinding? Woah.

I’m also being fitted for a mouth guard. I asked for two, fully intending to pay, because it’s worth the number of times I drop it and can’t reach it and then can’t nap until my husband gets home, or drop it and can’t rinse it. My dentist was all excited about this new tougher guard, so my husband will have to try to explain. I don’t think he even heard me.

 

Today is my son’s 13th birthday! I am the mother of teenagers now! Woah, I’m old. Ha ha! When I was young, I never imagined myself this old. I just didn’t! So weird…

I can’t wait for cake!

 

Have a wonderful day Zebras! 😘

Improvements in this Crisis

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I had a very good day yesterday, considering. I feel like I’m getting the hang of this, even though I really would rather it go away entirely.

I even had the chance to play with makeup. It isn’t a huge deal, but I had a good time. Took some nice photos. The Becca x Β Chrissy Teigen palette is really great!

It seems I have a good few hours in the morning, from when I get up at 6 until 9, and then I need to rest, preferably lying on my side, and then I have a bit more time, after my vape. But then I need to nap. On my left side for sure for at least three or four hours. Then I can semi sit up for a couple more, the rest of the evening is spent alternating between lying on my side and trying to sit up or be propped up on pillows. I get somewhat dizzy being propped up, but I don’t want to give in too easily, I want to heal, yes, but I want to develop tolerance as well.

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I still am quite nauseated, but it’s diminishing. The back of my head is very tender. It makes me think this is more to do with my skull fracture of 1992. I just have a feeling. I don’t have the headache I did, but I have a lot of pressure that builds along my jaw around the back of my head that builds where a headache would be. It’s very strange.

The good news is, I’m more comfortable, at any rate. I’m still not certain what will come of this, if this continues, I will just hang on until I see my pain guy next month. My short-term memory is shit, but I will just lay fairly low until then. Try to not embarrass myself. Too badly.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, Zebras! 😘

Thinking About Stuff

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I’ve been thinking of my post of yesterday, since I’m lying here with a bout of painsomnia, and while I wrote that while vaping, I think I need to make some amendments.

I didn’t mean to sound joyful that I have no friends, because I do have friends. I am just recognizing some old patterns of people beginning to move on. It is a relief in some ways right now, as I don’t have the spoons to deal with much of anything, however, I know I will be lonely in a couple of weeks when I’m feeling a bit better. What can you do, though.

The signs? The calls drop off, they start to pick fights with you over nothing. They have time for others but not you. They don’t leave you messages like they used to, they ignore your messages. They attack you on Facebook. It’s not pretty sometimes. If it gets really nasty, their friends join in, but that hasn’t happened to me, thank goodness.

I guess I’m happy that I don’t have to put out the energy at the moment. I just had my treatment, and I’m more exhausted than usual. I can’t even joke with my husband. It’s too much.

I need to cut back my existence, and I’m cutting it to where I want it. Talking about what I want to, eating what I want, being what I want. It’s a revelation. I don’t have the energy for more. I don’t expect this to continue forever, or past the weekend. But people ask how I feel and if I need things and listen. It’s shocking.

On the other side, there are lulls in every friendship. If this is one, so be it. Is my health setback teaching me my limitations? Where I need to draw the line?

I have asked several of my friends to read my blog. Some have refused, saying we can talk about these issues. Yet we never seem to. I’m sure some have and do read it. I appreciate everyone who takes a minute to read my words and take this journey with me. I can’t think of a higher compliment.

I’m feeling very confused right now. Please don’t confuse this with unhappiness. I feel like I am doing a lot of growing. Shedding a skin, gaining a new confidence. It’s so strange as I need to retreat further into shelter of bed and medicine I feel more confident, but I do. I feel more settled. It’s almost like I was scared to be alone, and I found out I’m okay! (That’s so strange but it’s 1:40 am)

I’ve been wondering if it’s just Canada that people don’t reach out assuming you’re bothering someone or prying. Except for one or two people I have to contact everyone, and I don’t have the energy even on a good run.

That’s not to say people won’t be welcomed back if their schedule lightens up. Providing I’m not an international supermodel by then. Β πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I have one friend who habitually reminds me I’m not her #1 friend, I get it.

Speaking of modeling and #1 friends… 😈 I put this photo up on Instagram the other day, no big.

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No big deal, it’s me wearing a Kate Sommerville anti acne mask. (Try to keep it together you know who you are! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚) Well, Kate Sommerville PR, sees this and asks to use it. Which cracks my friend up no end. 😍😍😍 I’m glad I could bring her joy. All that makeup expertise, and I slap on a mask, the crowd goes wild.

I slept most of the afternoon again yesterday. It helped. I want to sleep now, but husband is snoring, it’s raining, and I’m aching. I dislocated my jaw again. My daughter brought me a cold hamburger from the fridge and I was so hungry I tried it. Dumb. I just had the damn shots, too. Idiot.

I’m still nauseated. So it kind of doesn’t matter, anyway. I had a Mars bar. I’m still under my calorie count.

What do you think they might do to my pubic bone to make it not hurt? Duct tape? Let’s start around my hips and get more intimate if we have to.

OK, Β it’s almost 2 am. I’d better try to sleep!

‘Night Zebras! 😘