Drained.

giphy1

I’m going to take a couple of weeks off. I have nothing left. I’m completely empty of anything valuable.  I’m not coping well, and I need to reevaluate some shit.

I need to rest. I need to get over this flu. I need to get warm. I need to reinvigorate myself. I feel like I’m sitting around whining. This is not who I usually am, nor who am I happy being. I need to take some time to reflect.

Things have been really complicated here for the past couple of weeks, and I need all my resources to refocus our family. I act as main cheerleader, and my distraction lately has resulted in a lot of problems with school.

I’m not happy now. I need to find out what might actually make me happy. It may be as simple as shaking the funk that accompanies flu. It may involve serious house reorganizing.

Will keep you posted.

Before December 1 if I am able.

Feel free to email if you wish.

Luxury and Resting Up

20170725_132155

I discovered these bath salts at my favourite online shop. I’m not certain they do much actually, in terms of healing, but are they that different from Epsom salts? They are certainly lovely to lay in a bath with.

I’ve been both busy and boring. My lipstick from a big launch came in, so I played with that, but other than that, I’m not certain I have many spoons left. My body is giving signals it’s unhappy.

  • I’m exhausted most of the time, which is not unusual, but is getting worse.
  • I’m getting sores on my tongue
  • I’m craving chocolate all the time. I suspect my body is looking for quick energy.
  • My minor body aches are becoming bigger. Often I will have simple body aches that aren’t even noticeable, but lately my body is sore almost as if I have the flu or worked out too hard.
  • I’m very jumpy. Every time something falls or touches me, I jump a mile.
  • Open sores. I’m developing sores, like a line along my bust that feels like a bedsore and isn’t healing well.

So I expect to be resting this week.

I got my hair done yesterday. I will post a pic tomorrow when I’m up to it. It’s straight for now because we do a keratin treatment to help with tangles. It lasts longer if you leave it straight and don’t wet it for a bit.

I also bought a bunch of braces. Will show!

 

 

If it’s Good Enough For Drake…

giphy3

I had to hobble to my Cannabis doctor yesterday. My husband came with me, naturally, because I don’t get around so well, but this was a nightmare.

At this point, I can walk maybe 50 feet comfortably, without struggling. My knees pop out like nobody’s business, and I’m having a hell of a time right now. I’m not certain what to do. We’re debating buying the damn wheelchair, as it’s not like I’m going to suddenly be able to walk long distances. However, should I be investing in a walker, as I’m hoping the EDS clinic can come up with some sort of bracing or physio to help strengthen things.

We caught a cab to my doctor, which is at one of the busiest intersections in the city, and if you know anything about Toronto,  that old joke about the city having two seasons: winter and construction is not far off. The cab couldn’t drop us off in front of the building, because the front was walled off for construction! We had to drive two blocks to get to the end of the wall. Guess who had to walk two blocks to her doctor? Yes! Me!

Of course, my knee subluxed, and I was hitch-sobbing in the elevator, limping into the office, crying most of the way through the appointment. The doctor didn’t seem to mind. He has a reputation for being a real jerk, but by the comments, it seems maybe he doesn’t like fakers. The appointment went well, considering, and I even learned I have been vaping wrong for the past 5 years.

My original doc gave me a prescription and told me to ask my friends for help. It’s so absurd, he kept treating me like a drug-seeker, but I so was not. Of all people! I’ve learned so much from my last two appointments with new doctors!

After the appointment, we usually walk out to the taxi stand, but that was gone, so I found a place to sit, while this guy followed my husband around telling him the lead singer of the Verve died, and since he looks like him, he can have a new job! Ugh. My head is killing me, my knee is killing me, I feel like I’m going to hurl… please let me go home.

So husband is trying to find a cab, but the curb lanes are blocked and no one will pull in, so he walks the half block to the line and promises to pay the fine if the guy gets caught. It works, and the cab has a.c.!

I have to get used to the idea of a wheelchair.

I haven’t even considered if I can handle something motorized or not.

Head Pain

giphy7

Aaagh My head! My head and neck are really sore. I’m just in so much pain. The back of my head really hurts. I fractured my skull in 1992 after a fall down some stairs. Like, a flight and a half. I saw my boots silhouetted against the sky. And I remember nothing. I woke up 10? Minutes later. I was taken to the hospital when fluid was leaking out of my ears later that day. I had some bladder incontinence for a day, but then was better and they sent me home, no follow up. But that’s where it hurts.  I’m also quite nauseated.

I rubbed Voltaren on my neck last night. Oh! Heaven! 😍! My neck is so much better. It may be why my head hurts, as I tend to have migraines when I relax. I want to be put in a harness and hanged by my neck so I can straighten everything out. My husband suggested he crack me like a whip to put everything into place!

I’m in a happy mood, my makeup guru drops a makeup collection today! I’m so excited! My friend made my week the other day. She went blonde, and said I had inspired her, because I have so much fun on my Instagram and beauty blog with different lipsticks and makeup. Wait until she sees my new lashes! Also, she’s quite a beauty. I’m flattered to have inspired someone so fabulous!

I have an appointment with my therapist today, and I’m slightly displeased. Mildly miffed? They have a 48 hour cancellation policy, as one does, and I understand it’s to keep those reluctant or anxious from canceling at the last minute every time. However, I don’t know when I’m going to be hit with blinding pain every time. This is not a therapy avoidance tactic, and although my therapist is kind enough to meet with me by phone, I am not exactly getting my $200 worth that I am paying out of pocket. Anyway.

I’m in tears from pain now. Still happy, though. You zebras know what I mean! Just vaped. Lol! 😂

Have a good day Zebra friends!

PS. To whom it may concern: I didn’t see any owls on my Facebook. If you go to my WordPress page, the icons at the top? Should take you directly to me. My avatar shows half my face. Also on my WordPress site is a contact form to email me so you can send me your name, I can look out for you!

My head is mushy and um… sorry. I am intelligent.

Reality

Via Buzzfeed

Awww,  wasn’t that cute? My previous post.

Now let’s talk actual fact.

I haven’t bathed in at least a week.  Washed my hair in almost two. (Don’t worry, I’m a curly girl, some of us wash once a week, it’s not quite as bad as it sounds.) Sink baths, meh.

I haven’t bathed because it hurts so much to get over there, get to the tub, have it run, get in, wash, get out (never mind the hair) dry? Throw on a robe, and fall into bed. Even if I get someone to run the tub, it won’t be right, and, frankly, sitting up is kind of a challenge right now. My back seizes up every few minutes and I have to lie back again.  It’s exhausting. And I have other things I want to do and no place to go, so I will cover it with sink baths and deodorant  (I don’t do sink baths and deodorant, too much work to walk to bathroom). Tomorrow. I need to do it tomorrow,  this is ridiculous. But should it take my energy for a half day to wash my hair and bathe?

I’m laying here (or am I lying here? Lieing? Oh jeez, this could go for days, more tomorrow) at 1 am because I’m in pain. Or is it that adrenaline spike? Or was it that 2 hour nap I had, when I just couldn’t stay awake? The medication I’m on should take care of my being awake right now, anyway.

My back hurts, one of the treatments isn’t working as well anymore and I’m nervous.  My knees hurt.  My elbows hurt. My fingers hurt to the point where every keystroke is agony, but I have to try. It’s distracting. I can’t just lie here and think about it.

I know the worst thing to do for a bad back is to stay horizontal,  my knees are killing me.  They also feel better when I move around, so the secret was to never have gotten into this mess. How did that happen? Oh, right! That darn chronic fatigue!

I used to be able to pull all nighters at work! Now I’m down to maybe 3 hours on a good day, and if we bring the wheelchair.  (Which we rent, I’m not at buying stage yet-denial) trying to embrace the bright side of always being available for my kids, living a simpler life, having more time to read, not having to travel, um…help me out here! 😊