So Grouchy

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I have been thinking about posting all week, I have just been so grouchy, I didn’t think it wise. Everything seems to be irritating me. I don’t like this at all. Isn’t it just like me to be irritated about being irritated? 😆

My head is sore. It hurts almost constantly. It’s bearable when I am lying down. My neck has this sharp kink where it feels as if something is sharply out of place.

I have about three to maybe four hours in the morning, where, if I’m very careful, I can sit up. I need to lie down periodically, but I can get a few things done. I can’t screw around, and when it’s time to quit, if I delay I may have to rest tomorrow, too. It’s tough, because I’m easily distracted and really clumsy.

And oh, so tired. I’m thinking it was the three hour appointment, but we are ten days past that now, I should have my strength back. But I can’t accomplish anything much.

I’m reorganizing everything I can get my hands on, which does tell how stressed I actually am.

I am trying to learn to relax, although I have no experience in it. Doctors orders. I’m also trying to watch positive shows, humour, and be generally happy. It’s helping. I mean, I know I am irrationally irritable. I’m trying to keep it to myself and not inflict it on anyone.

This pain. I do occasionally have better times. Resting is my lesson.

On the plus side, I really enjoyed Friends and Arrested Development. I was working so much when they were on, I didn’t see them. I’m not certain what’s next… Archer?

Hope you had a Happy Valentine’s day!

Current Mood: Exasperated

Over the weekend, I managed to get a lot of rest in and my abdominal pain is resolving. This makes me question the cyst

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Current Mood in Action

theory, although, I did have a major bout of nausea last night, which is what I was looking for. It just sseems very short. These used to last a week or so, and this was a good two to three days shorter. Now, I haven’t had one in a few years. I am getting older, that may be a factor. My Mom was 11 years older before menopause really started, she said, so I guess it’s time for peri-menopause at the least. I should likely have my hormones checked. I’m interested in what my thyroid is doing. I’m pretty sure my GP has his eye on it. This is the major problem with having illnesses. Routine, important maintenance gets pushed to the side, often with the assumption ‘someone else’ is looking after it. I have so many things I’m chasing right now it isn’t funny!

 

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Not all, of course! Ha!

Anyway, my ovary whatever seems to have resolved itself, so I’m not being attacked from the inside, but my abdominal muscles, the whole of my abdomen feels like it was removed. Remember that doll, Skipper, that was pregnant? You could take her abdomen off? That part is burning fiercely.

It feels like someone has taken a blowtorch and actually removed that part of my stomach. I have no idea why. The surgeries I’ve had in the area are gallbladder and appendix, are they enough to cause that pain? Oh and two c-sections.

Once again, I’m back to eight days from my shots. Botox for migraines and EDS. So my back is aching. My low level

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Chris O’Dowd looks so much like my husband. Back in the day. He’s neater now. 😄

headache is ramping up, and my neck is really sore. I’m back to the nausea and headache and dizziness problems I had before. When I was in so much pain and couldn’t move, I wasn’t thinking about how ill I felt. Now that I’m on less medication and am upright and have peeled away a layer of pain I can feel it. The problem is, it’s not bad enough to be debilitating,  but it sure is bad enough to make me grouchy. I’m trying to be kind, but I don’t like myself on days like this. 😦 I’m watching some comedy and staying isolated to try to help.

Almost there!

It’s supposed to rain off and on this week, and that never helps. I’m going to play with some Maybelline makeup  #igotitfree through @chickadvisor. Pretty awesome. Then, a nap!

I am not going to have the strength to talk to people I think. I won’t be able to censor myself. I snapped at my son yesterday for no reason. It’s not fair. I’m too worn out. I’m trying to catch up on blogs, but it’s all I can do to press like sometimes. I don’t get there, some days.

No, wait. I did have a reason to snap at my son. But it still wasnt fair. I asked him not to come into my area while I was trying to fix a problem and he did anyway because he is autistic, and I am in pain but trying anyway. I made a mistake and apologized. He made a mistake and apologized. Better.

Okay. Need to conserve spoons.

Stay strong, Zebra pals! 😘

Worn Out – Part Two

I wanted to add some things to my earlier post. Some caveats, per se.

It’s certainly not everyone who contacts me on Facebook messenger or interacts with me that has been a problem or has been selling to me, let me be clear. I have made a number of new friends with people I have in common with others, and it’s been a lot of fun getting to know people. I’ve had several message me and want to chat, and I welcome that. Approximately 75% have been respectful. 5% have been perverts. 5% have been ‘you need to do this…’ types, and 15% are sales.

I do not mind being approached by people I have known for even a few months. They are generally nice, they converse, they continue to speak to me.

But when I’m added to a Facebook group about healthy weight loss through diet and exercise, or the best entertaining recipes..it’s like you don’t even know me. I’ve been added to seven Lula roe groups and I don’t think those things fit me. They are not pajamas or people clothes. Nix.

I suppose it’s just added to my long week that every second day someone was asking for something. Thursday, I think, some lady I had just recently friended was asking how many wraps or shakes I wanted. Since I’ve been subsisting on cookies and almonds this week, none, thanks! 😢😢😢 I had never spoken to her before, I didn’t answer and she hasn’t been back. What I think bothers me is there doesn’t seem to be any interest in pursuing any other relationship. I’m slightly put off by that. Of course, I’m deleting and blocking so they can’t re-add me, but, it’s so…defeating.

It’s not as many people as it feels like, it’s just been a few in a week. And when they disappear because I’m not a customer, before I get rid of them, I feel rejected. There have been a lot of friends who do check in and stick around and I do know this. I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time all week.

I often play into that goofy, ditzy, on-her-meds stereotype because it’s easier than calling people out on their bullshit.

I put a care package together for my Mom, and I was so excited, it took a lot to collect everything and mail it. It got to her, and I was so busy with the kids I didn’t get to call. Finally I did, and it was all complaints. The package had sat in the box for a week. The chocolate almonds I sent were stale. (I had some, I thought they were good) then she said she probably doesn’t like chocolate. Oh, hey! Have I heard from my sister? 😔 I don’t expect everybody to be happy all of the time. But every single person this week seemed to be having a bad day. And I was so disappointed I had let her down. I had ripped apart the bedroom to find the kids’ school pictures, sourced a special wash cloth for her, and when my friend’s son was selling chocolate almonds, grabbed an extra two boxes and didn’t even eat them! I know, it had nothing to do with that. I know that in my head. She doesn’t have an easy life. And when I tried to do something good, I fail.

Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m okay to treat however because they assume I don’t have any real responsibilities. 

I’m so sorry I’m so cranky. My neck is really sore. My pain was down around a 5 all last week and now it’s at a 8.5. My knees are clicking, my elbows. I can’t get warm. Husband has the children all week, so I can hide from the world. I’ve been shopping. Ugh. I’m over my budget, and I’m finding things I ‘need’. The only thing I think I could do for extra money is cam girl. I know I have a limit to my earnings. I’d be surprised if I could drum up enough interest in…I don’t know what I’d do? Blog? Put on makeup live? Yay? Is there a Fetish…oh rule 34…let perverts watch me sleep? 😐 maybe I will cut down on shopping…. yes I think that is the better decision all around.

I am aching so much right now. I am going to start the breakthrough medication I’m prescribed tomorrow, I think. I will have to order my cannabis in the morning. On a whim, I decided to check to see if I could order, and I can. No email as promised. I am ticked. I was spoken to like I was asking to get my new teapot a day early, and was firmly told Monday, be patient and I would get an email, but here it is Sunday, no email, I’m too tired and on meds to do it right, and here it is. How long has it been there?

I have a headache that feels under my scalp, my neck hurts, I can’t warm up. My joints are so achy. My wrists and elbows. My jaw. My pubic bone my right abdominal side, any movement means I want to cry out. This week is about rejuvenation and healing and rest. And trying to eat more than cookies. And almonds. No other food wants to stay down. We order our pizza on Sundays, gluten-free, lactose free, and I enjoyed it. But i had to lie down for an hour. Everything I ate, every bite today, I needed to lie down. So, I will be having fun with that. Plus, online shopping to a minimum. Or none at all. Except for the Urban Decay launch on the 23rd.

I’m going to try to keep my voice from sounding simply snarky and give a reason for that anger, if that makes sense?  I’m a bit reflective these days. In the morning when I’m up and medicated, it may help as well. I may have some time to relax and zen. ☺ It’s difficult to convey your true inner self when you’re in pain. Maslow’s hierarchy and all that.

I’m crying from pain and frustration, but going to try to sleep.

Goal for tomorrow is painting my toenails! 😄

Have a gorgeous moment today, Zebras. Just one. 😘