Lies I’ve Been Told…

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“Looks aren’t that important in life, it’s what’s inside a person that matters.” …

“I am your friend,”…

“That looks great on you!” …

“You’ll regret it!” …

“I’ll never tell anyone, I swear!” …

“You can count on me!”…

“This medication is non-addictive.”…

“I would never lie to you,”…

“I love you!” countless…

“If you lose weight you’ll feel better!” x infinity…

“Your doctor will call you back in three days…”.

“Your doctor will call you on Tuesday.”.

(Sigh)

Now, to be fair, it seems the clinic is moving floors. It essentially broke down earlier this year (at last check, admittedly a bit ago, only complaint with my doctor who ran clinic is about paperwork. Will keep you posted. Must have hubby do checking am too weak),  and it seems to have merged with another pain management service. My new doctor, who was only in this clinic once a week anyway, has not been in, due to the chaos. I have confirmed the scan is on my file. Now, I don’t even know if the doctor to administer the blood patch is still on staff. I caught a quick article up online for only a couple of hours that stated there are no doctors in my home city to treat chiari if it turns out to be. I will burn that bridge when I get to it, but I am pretty miserable here. I essentially lie in the dark most of the time. The straighter my neck the better. My vision is very bad. My tablet is turned way down, as is the tv. Very dark. I can’t stand noise. So it’s not always watchable or useable in the tablets case. Last week was great- I could sit horizontally and play with makeup for a little bit! Have a rest. Organize some items I had tossed aside when feeling terribler. So much better than lying on my side in the dark. I have incredible trouble sleeping, so I stare into black space for hours. It can be awful. And the facial pain. Ay-yi. And the back pain so bad you almost faint, but you don’t.  Because you’re home alone. On really good days I get to sit up for a while before the pain starts, the nausea and dizzy take over. On really really good days you can turn on a lamp.

The EDS Clinic said I could be in to the pain clinic there by the end of June, so hope oozes from every pore! No, I am grateful as I’ve been inappropriately medicated for a long time. I would like to sleep, maybe? Once a week? My former pain doctor had been planning to change my plans for medication for a while, as he suspected I might be causing myself pain with what I am on. (Apparently it’s a thing) Plus it has been a year since I have had proper migraine shots, so dealing with intermittent migraines, too. Fun! 😄

Oh, and a lady from Chiari Canada has been so lovely and supportive in corresponding with me, even though she is so busy. I appreciate it so much.

My rugrats gave me their flu or cold or whatever… I am not amused. I shall take my whiny butt back under the blanket.

I shall let you know.

 

 

Drained.

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I’m going to take a couple of weeks off. I have nothing left. I’m completely empty of anything valuable.  I’m not coping well, and I need to reevaluate some shit.

I need to rest. I need to get over this flu. I need to get warm. I need to reinvigorate myself. I feel like I’m sitting around whining. This is not who I usually am, nor who am I happy being. I need to take some time to reflect.

Things have been really complicated here for the past couple of weeks, and I need all my resources to refocus our family. I act as main cheerleader, and my distraction lately has resulted in a lot of problems with school.

I’m not happy now. I need to find out what might actually make me happy. It may be as simple as shaking the funk that accompanies flu. It may involve serious house reorganizing.

Will keep you posted.

Before December 1 if I am able.

Feel free to email if you wish.

Sickie!

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Although I think I’m done with the cat puking phase… 😂. It’s terrible when you have two kids in school, and a husband who is in different offices. He has to work in different spaces sometimes. Not to mention the amount of doctors offices and hospitals we hang out in. I feel like im not catching things as often as I was, and I’m getting over them more quickly, so there’s that.

So I’ve been curled up in warm blankets, shivering. My husband was even with me on Monday, but I wasn’t too bad then. Tuesday I slept, and Wednesday, I alternately slept and expelled kittens.

I was going to try and do some things today, but i asked my husband for some warm clothes, and he laughed at me and handed me the cold medicine. The nighttime stuff. I suppose he’s right. I’m so achy and cold I will probably need today just to warm up.

It’s not THAT bad a flu, though. Might as well coddle myself, since I have the opportunity! Warm blankets… my shoulders are really sore, though. Incredibly sore. They go along with the rest of the body aches, but I’ve never had anything target my shoulders before. Strange.

Oh, and our neighbors are having work done on their house this week and it echoes right into our bedroom. Good thing I can sleep through almost anything. Daughter brought me noise cancelling headphones and i slept through my alarm. 😃

Ok. Time for rest.  We’re all getting flu shots when healthy. I insist. I’m not doing this all winter. I’ll be down to my birthweight.

Good News! I’m alive!

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Well, I suppose that depends on your perspective, but I’m happy I’m starting to feel human again. 🤣 I believe sleeping so much yesterday helped a lot. Usually sleeping so much doesn’t do much to tackle the exhaustion. Things are different when we are dealing with the flu.

It’s funny to me it takes so long to figure out when I have a flu bug or something. I get to feeling worse and worse, and my brain gets less able to figure out what is going on. Being nauseated and tired all the time is nothing new. Dizziness is standard. Flare-up happen. Headaches are constant. At least now I feel like I have one flu instead of two. And why do I get sores on my tongue every time I get sick now? Do not like. (When my daughter was a baby she used to say “Do not like it -push” 😂 she’s so funny).

Two weeks to neurologist appointment. I’m hanging in there. I’m hanging a lot on this. I know this is very dangerous, but it’s all I’ve got.

I am going to shop for some supplies. I am going to look for some aromatherapy supplies. I still have horrific menstrual cramps. Year’s ago a combination of bergamot and ylang ylang in oil massaged on my abdomen used to help. If you try this, it is not safe for pregnant women, because it can cause uterine cramping. I want to find some support pillows, and something to help me apply lotion when my husband and chief lotion-spreader isnt around.  Or is sleeping. 😊

I have new boxes to get organized, so I’m going to do just a tiny bit of that while I have the spoons and need to lie down again. Ten minutes?  I love making my nest cozy. Then I’m going to watch episode 2 of AHS:Cult. I’m so afraid of clowns! 🤡 Even before it was trendy! Maybe this week I can catch up on OITNB and Kimmy Schmidt, too. I’m even thinking of picking up a book. I feel centred enough to try.

I hope you’re doing well!

💜

PS, I felt like a real Zebra the other day! I was doing something where I put my arms out or something, and my son freaked out and asked if I was turning my arm upside down because it looked freaky. My arms are pretty normal, as Zebra arms go, but it made me laugh. 😄

Remember Me?

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Hey everyone! I’ve spent the last two weeks freaking out over this past weekend’s beauty convention! It went over very well, and I’m hoping to soon have a cross-post up between my two blogs about my experience.

I was very nervous about this weekend because I purchased the tickets for me and three friends in March when I felt fairly well. With the head and neck pain I’ve been having, I wasn’t certain I could endure the entire weekend.

Add to this, I had my BOTOX injections and broke a crown on my tooth and had to have dental work done. Ugh.

Oh, I missed this story, so on the day of my BOTOX injections, there is a volunteer in who isn’t the usual. She comes in the lobby and calls for Diana. I ignore her, that not being my name. She then calls Diana with my last name. I figure it out. I stagger over, followed by my husband. I apologize for not answering to the wrong name before, being the Canadian that I am, and educate her on the correct pronunciation of my name. DAH-nuh to rhyme with banana. She gets all put out. She goes to the file and starts whining “Well, it’s just that we have four names here for you!” My husband goes over and asks what they are. She’s referring to my first, middle, maiden, and last. The only one I don’t use is my middle. And there’s a short form of my first name I use. So she lightens up a bit.  Then she comes back and want to know if she needs to fill all the serum, if we use all six vials. I told her yes. As we’ve been doing this for three years now? Maybe two and a half. She then says, I don’t know, it’s kind of a lot… And then looks to my husband for validation. 😠 She comes back after with another administrator, and thusly begins calling me Dayna for a good five minutes. I won’t even mention her mocking my husband when he went to get me up when he thought the doctor was ready for me but he wasn’t. I will send a note, though, to patient relations. Yikes!

Back to the convention, so after my BOTOX, I had my tooth fixed, went home, rested up and was really anxiety and pain ridden, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was angsty and stressed and such a mess. But then, as soon as the event was over, as my friend got in her car and drove away….

My throat began to hurt….my tongue began to swell…my lymph nodes are swollen and sore. I couldn’t sleep my tongue hurt so much last night. I’m glad it waited, that was kind. I do need to have my husband book off work to take me to the doctor. I can’t go alone. I get really upset and stressed when I’m sick. Sometimes even before I know I’m sick. It started in my 30s. It’s almost as if I am afraid to be vulnerable. I remember one day being so ill I could hardly walk I had such a cold, but I had decided I had missed four days of work and that was it, I was going in. It didn’t matter it was 8:30 at night, I was needed! My husband talked some sense into me, but I get so irrational.

A couple of conclusions: last time I went out socially was last August. This isn’t acceptable. I need to get out more, as does our daughter, so we do not have this much anxiety.

The world certainly treats you differently when you are thin..ner. I’m not quite thin, but I’m thinner. I’m about 60 less than last year? Wow. Last year someone asked if I was my friends’ mother. That’s the one who spoke to me. This year? Compliments and chats and nobody speaking to my carer (pusher? 😁) first…well, mostly…. but that’s a story for later!

There were actually moments when I didn’t notice my pain. I feel miles better today, spiritually, anyway. My mouth hurts. I’m thinking strep. All that turning of my neck may have worked out some kinks. Now, I’m far from sprinting a race. Much of this is because of a good medication balance. I did have two pretty scary incidents where my knees just buckled under me. My friend who is a nurse thought that was pretty cool, I think, except one was on stairs. It’s that with no meniscus, it feels like one bone goes one way and the other, well… I also had my fingers go out yuck. But in the grand scheme, I will take it.

I will try to get that post about my experience together, and I will let you know!

😘

Still Flu-ish

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Still not feeling quite so amazing this morning. I’m feeling weak, like everything takes effort. I’m kind of hungry, so I tried some crackers, but they tasted like ashes, and upset my stomach. Why would a few crackers give me gas pains? I have no idea.

So I lay around this morning and looked at catmemes. I am downloadfiletrying to convince myself to go back to sleep, but I am pretty bored with that idea. I’m pretty bored with doing nothing but sleeping. There are a ton of books I have lined up here. I have new makeup on its way, and gorgeous lashes to try. I have my Beauty Blog post to do for tomorrow. But… I can barely move. I think the only solution, since I’ve been trying to get it together enough to turn the TV on for an hour and a half now is, to give in. Sleep, and when I wake up it will be time then to reevaluate.  I know I’m bored as hell, but what else can I do now?

Hope you are having more fun, Zebra friends! 😷

I’m Sick

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I guess I’m sick, I think. It’s tough to tell anymore. Last night the nausea got so intense I couldn’t even take my medication.  I just swallowed some Gravol and eventually went to sleep. I only refunded a little bit. I’ve been sitting around watching lame TV, as I can’t be arsed to find something great. Actually, Family Guy and John Tucker Must Die isn’t bad. I watched it yesterday.

I just popped two more Gravol, as my husband came to check on me, he hand fed me. How pathetic am I? Today is even chocolate chip pancakes day.

My neck and back are incredibly sore. I want to vape, but I’m too nauseated, I feel if I move an inch, I will be in big trouble. We keep an old cooking pot as a barf bucket, so it doesn’t matter if I can’t move fast. But I hate it. I should be used to it. Not only am I a puker in general, I have a past rife with bulimia.

I’ve been shopping. I’m bored and hungry and feeling sorry for myself. I just bought some Unicorn Snot! 😄 it’s glitter gel for face, body and hair, but also a lip gloss formula. I’m excited. That will be fun to play with. I bought some loose pigment and mixing medium from MAC, I don’t shop there much, and an eyeliner from Sephora.  I purchased a couple of cute boxes from Amazon, too. I have great toys to play with, now I just need the energy to play.

My husband has been on the phone most of the weekend in meetings. He’s working so hard.

I am scared because my nausea has been fluctuating with my neck and head pain. I had a weird experience this morning where I was asleep, I think, but I experienced these bright flashes of light, excruciating pain and a sound like an explosion, and then the pain would subside. It happened twice, maybe three times? And I either fell asleep or into a deeper sleep. It was horrible. But was it a dream?

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t think the hospital is the right place. I don’t think they can take the time to figure this out. Although the can ensure its not an urgent issue, I suppose. My GP would send me somewhere, and ask me for suggestions, so he’s really not much good. My pain doctor I’m seeing in a month, so I just need to hang on. The Clinic is supposed to be on the radar, but I haven’t heard from them. My options I’m considering are calling Tele health and asking for advice, although they usually send you to hospital.  Then, I could call my pain doctor or the evil social worker and ask for advice. I could at least have assurance I’ve been referred.

I should have a bath, although I just don’t feel like it. I can’t now.

Be well, Zebras! 😷