Drained.

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I’m going to take a couple of weeks off. I have nothing left. I’m completely empty of anything valuable. ย I’m not coping well, and I need to reevaluate some shit.

I need to rest. I need to get over this flu. I need to get warm. I need to reinvigorate myself. I feel like I’m sitting around whining. This is not who I usually am, nor who am I happy being. I need to take some time to reflect.

Things have been really complicated here for the past couple of weeks, and I need all my resources to refocus our family. I act as main cheerleader, and my distraction lately has resulted in a lot of problems with school.

I’m not happy now. I need to find out what might actually make me happy. It may be as simple as shaking the funk that accompanies flu. It may involve serious house reorganizing.

Will keep you posted.

Before December 1 if I am able.

Feel free to email if you wish.

โค

Sickie!

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Although I think I’m done with the cat puking phase… ๐Ÿ˜‚. It’s terrible when you have two kids in school, and a husband who is in different offices. He has to work in different spaces sometimes. Not to mention the amount of doctors offices and hospitals we hang out in. I feel like im not catching things as often as I was, and I’m getting over them more quickly, so there’s that.

So I’ve been curled up in warm blankets, shivering. My husband was even with me on Monday, but I wasn’t too bad then. Tuesday I slept, and Wednesday, I alternately slept and expelled kittens.

I was going to try and do some things today, but i asked my husband for some warm clothes, and he laughed at me and handed me the cold medicine. The nighttime stuff. I suppose he’s right. I’m so achy and cold I will probably need today just to warm up.

It’s not THAT bad a flu, though. Might as well coddle myself, since I have the opportunity! Warm blankets… my shoulders are really sore, though. Incredibly sore. They go along with the rest of the body aches, but I’ve never had anything target my shoulders before. Strange.

Oh, and our neighbors are having work done on their house this week and it echoes right into our bedroom. Good thing I can sleep through almost anything. Daughter brought me noise cancelling headphones and i slept through my alarm. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Ok. Time for rest. ย We’re all getting flu shots when healthy. I insist. I’m not doing this all winter. I’ll be down to my birthweight.

โค

Good News! I’m alive!

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Well, I suppose that depends on your perspective, but I’m happy I’m starting to feel human again. ๐Ÿคฃ I believe sleeping so much yesterday helped a lot. Usually sleeping so much doesn’t do much to tackle the exhaustion. Things are different when we are dealing with the flu.

It’s funny to me it takes so long to figure out when I have a flu bug or something. I get to feeling worse and worse, and my brain gets less able to figure out what is going on. Being nauseated and tired all the time is nothing new. Dizziness is standard. Flare-up happen. Headaches are constant. At least now I feel like I have one flu instead of two. And why do I get sores on my tongue every time I get sick now? Do not like. (When my daughter was a baby she used to say “Do not like it -push” ๐Ÿ˜‚ she’s so funny).

Two weeks to neurologist appointment. I’m hanging in there. I’m hanging a lot on this. I know this is very dangerous, but it’s all I’ve got.

I am going to shop for some supplies. I am going to look for some aromatherapy supplies. I still have horrific menstrual cramps. Year’s ago a combination of bergamot and ylang ylang in oil massaged on my abdomen used to help. If you try this, it is not safe for pregnant women, because it can cause uterine cramping. I want to find some support pillows, and something to help me apply lotion when my husband and chief lotion-spreader isnt around. ย Or is sleeping. ๐Ÿ˜Š

I have new boxes to get organized, so I’m going to do just a tiny bit of that while I have the spoons and need to lie down again. Ten minutes? ย I love making my nest cozy. Then I’m going to watch episode 2 of AHS:Cult. I’m so afraid of clowns! ๐Ÿคก Even before it was trendy! Maybe this week I can catch up on OITNB and Kimmy Schmidt, too. I’m even thinking of picking up a book. I feel centred enough to try.

I hope you’re doing well!

๐Ÿ’œ

PS, I felt like a real Zebra the other day! I was doing something where I put my arms out or something, and my son freaked out and asked if I was turning my arm upside down because it looked freaky. My arms are pretty normal, as Zebra arms go, but it made me laugh. ๐Ÿ˜„

Remember Me?

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Hey everyone! I’ve spent the last two weeks freaking out over this past weekend’s beauty convention! It went over very well, and I’m hoping to soon have a cross-post up between my two blogs about my experience.

I was very nervous about this weekend because I purchased the tickets for me and three friends in March when I felt fairly well. With the head and neck pain I’ve been having, I wasn’t certain I could endure the entire weekend.

Add to this, I had my BOTOX injections and broke a crown on my tooth and had to have dental work done. Ugh.

Oh, I missed this story, so on the day of my BOTOX injections, there is a volunteer in who isn’t the usual. She comes in the lobby and calls for Diana. I ignore her, that not being my name. She then calls Diana with my last name. I figure it out. I stagger over, followed by my husband. I apologize for not answering to the wrong name before, being the Canadian that I am, and educate her on the correct pronunciation of my name. DAH-nuh to rhyme with banana. She gets all put out. She goes to the file and starts whining “Well, it’s just that we have four names here for you!” My husband goes over and asks what they are. She’s referring to my first, middle, maiden, and last. The only one I don’t use is my middle. And there’s a short form of my first name I use. So she lightens up a bit. ย Then she comes back and want to know if she needs to fill all the serum, if we use all six vials. I told her yes. As we’ve been doing this for three years now? Maybe two and a half. She then says, I don’t know, it’s kind of a lot… And then looks to my husband for validation. ๐Ÿ˜  She comes back after with another administrator, and thusly begins calling me Dayna for a good five minutes. I won’t even mention her mocking my husband when he went to get me up when he thought the doctor was ready for me but he wasn’t. I will send a note, though, to patient relations. Yikes!

Back to the convention, so after my BOTOX, I had my tooth fixed, went home, rested up and was really anxiety and pain ridden, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was angsty and stressed and such a mess. But then, as soon as the event was over, as my friend got in her car and drove away….

My throat began to hurt….my tongue began to swell…my lymph nodes are swollen and sore. I couldn’t sleep my tongue hurt so much last night. I’m glad it waited, that was kind. I do need to have my husband book off work to take me to the doctor. I can’t go alone. I get really upset and stressed when I’m sick. Sometimes even before I know I’m sick. It started in my 30s. It’s almost as if I am afraid to be vulnerable. I remember one day being so ill I could hardly walk I had such a cold, but I had decided I had missed four days of work and that was it, I was going in. It didn’t matter it was 8:30 at night, I was needed! My husband talked some sense into me, but I get so irrational.

A couple of conclusions: last time I went out socially was last August. This isn’t acceptable. I need to get out more, as does our daughter, so we do not have this much anxiety.

The world certainly treats you differently when you are thin..ner. I’m not quite thin, but I’m thinner. I’m about 60 less than last year? Wow. Last year someone asked if I was my friends’ mother. That’s the one who spoke to me. This year? Compliments and chats and nobody speaking to my carer (pusher? ๐Ÿ˜) first…well, mostly…. but that’s a story for later!

There were actually moments when I didn’t notice my pain. I feel miles better today, spiritually, anyway. My mouth hurts. I’m thinking strep. All that turning of my neck may have worked out some kinks. Now, I’m far from sprinting a race. Much of this is because of a good medication balance. I did have two pretty scary incidents where my knees just buckled under me. My friend who is a nurse thought that was pretty cool, I think, except one was on stairs. It’s that with no meniscus, it feels like one bone goes one way and the other, well… I also had my fingers go out yuck. But in the grand scheme, I will take it.

I will try to get that post about my experience together, and I will let you know!

๐Ÿ˜˜

Still Flu-ish

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Still not feeling quite so amazing this morning. I’m feeling weak, like everything takes effort. I’m kind of hungry, so I tried some crackers, but they tasted like ashes, and upset my stomach. Why would a few crackers give me gas pains? I have no idea.

So I lay around this morning and looked at catmemes. I am downloadfiletrying to convince myself to go back to sleep, but I am pretty bored with that idea. I’m pretty bored with doing nothing but sleeping. There are a ton of books I have lined up here. I have new makeup on its way, and gorgeous lashes to try. I have my Beauty Blog post to do for tomorrow. But… I can barely move. I think the only solution, since I’ve been trying to get it together enough to turn the TV on for an hour and a half now is, to give in. Sleep, and when I wake up it will be time then to reevaluate. ย I know I’m bored as hell, but what else can I do now?

Hope you are having more fun, Zebra friends! ๐Ÿ˜ท

I’m Sick

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I guess I’m sick, I think. It’s tough to tell anymore. Last night the nausea got so intense I couldn’t even take my medication. ย I just swallowed some Gravol and eventually went to sleep. I only refunded a little bit. I’ve been sitting around watching lame TV, as I can’t be arsed to find something great. Actually, Family Guy and John Tucker Must Die isn’t bad. I watched it yesterday.

I just popped two more Gravol, as my husband came to check on me, he hand fed me. How pathetic am I? Today is even chocolate chip pancakes day.

My neck and back are incredibly sore. I want to vape, but I’m too nauseated, I feel if I move an inch, I will be in big trouble. We keep an old cooking pot as a barf bucket, so it doesn’t matter if I can’t move fast. But I hate it. I should be used to it. Not only am I a puker in general, I have a past rife with bulimia.

I’ve been shopping. I’m bored and hungry and feeling sorry for myself. I just bought some Unicorn Snot! ๐Ÿ˜„ it’s glitter gel for face, body and hair, but also a lip gloss formula. I’m excited. That will be fun to play with. I bought some loose pigment and mixing medium from MAC, I don’t shop there much, and an eyeliner from Sephora. ย I purchased a couple of cute boxes from Amazon, too. I have great toys to play with, now I just need the energy to play.

My husband has been on the phone most of the weekend in meetings. He’s working so hard.

I am scared because my nausea has been fluctuating with my neck and head pain. I had a weird experience this morning where I was asleep, I think, but I experienced these bright flashes of light, excruciating pain and a sound like an explosion, and then the pain would subside. It happened twice, maybe three times? And I either fell asleep or into a deeper sleep. It was horrible. But was it a dream?

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t think the hospital is the right place. I don’t think they can take the time to figure this out. Although the can ensure its not an urgent issue, I suppose. My GP would send me somewhere, and ask me for suggestions, so he’s really not much good. My pain doctor I’m seeing in a month, so I just need to hang on. The Clinic is supposed to be on the radar, but I haven’t heard from them. My options I’m considering are calling Tele health and asking for advice, although they usually send you to hospital. ย Then, I could call my pain doctor or the evil social worker and ask for advice. I could at least have assurance I’ve been referred.

I should have a bath, although I just don’t feel like it. I can’t now.

Be well, Zebras! ๐Ÿ˜ท

I’m Gorgeous! (Not)

I had a super painful boutique of painsomnia last night. As I was u6hjv9jgygs4orolling over to my left side to go to sleep, my left knee subluxed and I was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t quite settle it into place, and lay aching from 10:30 until I gave up at 2:00 am.

At 2:00 am, I gave up and picked up my tablet, started playing on the internet. I had to dim the light way down, because my eyes really hurt. I was able to chat with my sister in Beijing around 6:00 which is a nice treat. I haven’t spoken to her in a while. She was on vacation in Indonesia recently, and didn’t even load photos up anywhere! But Saturday is her busy day, and she told me this hilarious story about one of her 4-year-old students punching her in the face. I’m pretty sure the hilarity was in the telling.

After we chatted, I fell into a restless sleep, and woke up to my alarm at 10:00 am. Damn me for deciding to be productive on weekends. I hit the snooze for an hour and got up to use the washroom. I got back into bed, and decided to survey the damage of my face.

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My left eye is quite swollen. It looks hilarious. It’s not quite as weepy, but is tender. When my husband brings our son home from therapy, I think we should call Tele health and check. My eyeball isn’t infected, or I should say affected, I’m just sore around the eye, the left one, and I sleep on that side -so it’s drained into that sinus, we figure. I have taken Benadryl allergy complete, and am sitting propped up, but it’s not draining, really.

I don’t want to go to a walk-in clinic, especially while flu-ish because I don’t want to catch something worse. If it’s not urgent and can be managed, I’d rather hang on and go see my GP on Tuesday, because of course it’s a long weekend! I’m sick just about every long weekend, it’s a running joke. Our daughter is sick, too, poor sweetie.

To add to my grotesque appearance is a large pimple where my chin used to be. It’s scabbed over now and looks like a cold sore that got lost.

I need a bath so much. I am so sore, and my hair has been two weeks without a wash, and needs detangling. It would have been so good if I could have gotten to it even a day or so ago! I just do not have the spoons. I will have to tackle it first thing tomorrow. Put the family on notice. I feel so weak.

I had a neat conversation with a friend today. She is a nurse, and gets the flu shot because of being around immune compromised people like me, but she hadn’t noticed a difference herself. I explained how normally, a flu could keep me sick and essentially unconscious, because I’m sleeping to get better for six weeks or so to gain my strength. But when I have a flu shot, and they get them right, I recover much quicker. I’ve been sick nearly a week, but I’m not sleeping the whole time, and I have been keeping food down, etc. She didn’t realize it could be that bad. She’s so lovely. I’m sure she’s a great nurse!

pg2bvxtorfh32I went on a bit of a shopping spree last night. Urban Decay was offering triple points, and I’m determined to make top-tier, for some reason; and then I bought some lipstick. If I can’t put it on, at least I can buy it! I have to stop with these sprees, especially when I’m over budget. Our tax system is such that our payroll tax, I think it is, starts in January, and when your contribution is full, they stop collection, around July. This means my husband loses $1,000 out of his cheque for six months and then we forget the rest of the year. Every January it’s a new round of belt-tightening. What? Save money for the lean times! Pshaw!

There have just been so many escalating costs, too. Especially just around the first of this year. I think I’ve whined about this plenty. I won’t bore you more. It’s tough finding things to do when your concentration isn’t great, and your hands don’t work so well. Online shopping is so much fun, but that gets old too. It’s just stuff. I am enjoying playing with it when I can. I’m enjoying blogging here, too. I’ve met lovely people. Only lovely people.

I’ve offended people talking about my spending, but they may actually do things, outside, like in public. I don’t think they even realize there are months I don’t get to leave the house, so $300 on makeup isn’t horrid. What did you spend $300 on last month able person? Lattes? Taxis? Lunches? It adds up. I didn’t have those expenses, at all. But I do realize I have privilege. Many people don’t have the means. I married a smart, hard-working guy, and we have had some really lucky breaks along the way.

I’m aware I may be babbling. I’m in that hazy, cool, fun, dreamy, tired state.

I often resent that I had to stop my career, such as it was, to tend to my broken body. What could I have done if I had gotten proper support instead of being encouraged to go on LTD? Would I have been a better employee were I not in pain all the time? I don’t know. Life is this way now, and I’ve spent so much time getting to know myself, I wouldn’t trade with anyone now.

Our son is going on a class trip for four days next week and I’m stressed. ย He’s growing so fast! Ugh, these kids give me so much stress, and are my world, all at the same time. I didn’t realize parenting would be as much fun as it has been. I’ve laughed so much along the way! There have been lots of tears, too. But lots of laughs. I will be so relieved when he’s back home.

Probably should nap now. My eye hasn’t changed, but is getting tired.

Wash your hands, my zebra pals! ๐Ÿ˜˜