Rough Night.

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I have been having horrible abdominal cramps the past couple of weeks. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis in 1989. It was originally thought to be the source of my pain. I have been fine since I had my kids, mostly due to the Mirena. I’m on number 3, and am on year 2 I believe, so nothing should be wrong. I haven’t had any spotting. In fact, it had been working miraculously in helping me with cramps.

Over the past week, I’ve had discharge as if I was ovulating, (that’s one thing about chronic illness, being really in tune with your body. I knew exactly when I was ovulating, which made pregnancy a snap). The cramps were slightly menstrual-like, but more sustained ovulation-like. Mittelsmertz, if you will. Yesterday I was so distracted I even forgot my medication all day!

I went to bed early, I was generally uncomfortable. My head is hurting at the back. Around midnight I woke up screaming with intense abdominal cramping. Did I have a cyst burst? It was just on the right side. The pain lasted almost 20 minutes with me just babble scream-moaning for that time. It eventually subsided, but I’m aching intensely this morning. It could be that I caught my ovary or twisted it a bit. Or a bit of adhesions ripping. It could be anything. Well, not anything. I don’t think it’s actually a hedgehog on a rampage. It just feels like it.

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This was under the gifs for Endometriosis.  I thought it completely appropriate.

I had a horrible time trying to sleep last night. I just couldn’t. I took extra meds, but it didn’t help. I read some junk on my tablet.

I have my makeup in stacked bins beside my bed. At 10:51 pm. The past two nights, a whole row has fallen over. 😮 spooky! I know my family has been in rough shape because we’ve all been in bed before 9:30 both nights.

I’m curled up in a ball, trying to amuse myself. I’m focusing on taking my meds, having some fun, and taking things a bit easy. I don’t know quite how this will play out. My gynecologist is part of the pain clinic, for the endo part anyway. I don’t have one for other stuff.

The BOTOX shots help a ton with any cramping or discomfort. I had forgotten how much pain this can cause.

My husband might just swaddle me and leave me at the emergency room. 🤣 Like he was giving up a newborn. What should the note say? Tag you’re It? She’s your problem now?  😈

My husband had no idea what to do, so he did nothing. I’m not exactly thrilled. We should probably have a discussion.

Another issue with my doctor being absent is he made a lovely compound for me, well, ordered, and I’m now gingerly using it. I don’t know if I can get it again. It has gabapentin and ketamine in it, it’s a lotion, and it’s unbelievable. It fixed my abdomen earlier. I don’t have another doctor for this.

It was upsetting when I mentioned my doctor situation on Facebook, people started speculating he was ‘up on charges’ that is such dangerous speculation. I took the post down. I wasn’t strong enough at the time. I’m still worried about his health.

Anyway, I need to rest. More soon.

Oh! I’m down to 188. This was the 20 lbs I was keeping for emergencies, remember? Heh. Oh well. Eating is hard. Nausea is pervasive. Heartburn is so often. Even though I’m on the max dose of medicine for it. I just rechecked the BMI charts, and I need to lose 15 more lbs and I’m normal weight. That blows my mind. I was certain I’d never lose this weight. I suppose I like being slim. I’m not so certain I like the attention from men. Wait. I like the respectful attention. I don’t like the disrespectful attention.

Ok, bit of rest now. 😊.

Misery Inventory 😭

giphy1Please laugh at my misery. 😁 I am having a pretty lousy day.

It actually started last night. I did my makeup for a friend’s birthday, (once again, just ask) and I was just tuckered. I fell asleep at 5? And asked husband to wake me at 8-ish. He claims he couldn’t wake me. This could be true, as once I was in hospital, and the doctor actually picked me up and shook me, I could feel her do that, I felt myself trying to wake up, but I couldn’t. So I sleep deeply. I have CPAP, don’t worry.

So I woke up this morning, just barely, and my head hurrrrrts. My neck is just aching. I can’t follow a thing. I’ve tried four documentaries and they make no sense. I have to write everything down or it’s gone. I did buy a bunch of journals over the weekend this was so much fun, though.

My stomach is killing me too, though. I have heartburn, unusual. I’m so careful, and have been not cheating. I guess the chips are out. Lightly salted, too spicy. 😐 I am so very nauseated and yet am hungry. Plus my stomach hurts. Just the actual physical area of my stomach hurts. I was wearing a bralettes and it hurt, so I had to take it off. Another day where I can’t wear clothes, they are too much pressure. Physical pressure. My nightgowns are too close around my throat, though I know they aren’t. Any seam hurts. My fuzzy blanket is all I can handle. We’ve had honest discussions with the kids why mommy doesn’t wear clothes sometimes, and why that is a problem in society and we have to give her privacy.

Anyway, my stomach is acting up, but I did have a BM today, which is fantastic! 😀 I used to have to have shots that would reverse the opioids I was on so I could go. It was not a fun time.

But in addition to this, I’m having endometriosis-related cramps, and I can’t figure out why. I don’t know if my body is adjusting to the weight loss, which seems to be stable for now, around 195. Everything hurts for now, and I can never remember what I’m supposed to do.

I finally got it straight with husband. I’m supposed to take marijuana oil and then vape, but I don’t have the strength to vape. I don’t know if I’m just being lazy? Oh, hell no. I am not a lazy person. I really can’t. I don’t think it will do what I need it to do for my neck, anyway. I would really love a bath, but I can’t muster myself to get in there.

The kids are well amused. Daughter is downstairs doing whatever it is she does, and boy is playing the new Nintendo Switch we bought for Husband’s birthday next month. We thought we should get it early and have some time to play it. It arrived Friday, so the boys rushed through their chores, and husband and I had a long discussion about whether he really did ask me to order Zelda or not. I swear he didn’t. I am clear as day on this, but is it just my memory? But I would have no memory of the incident altogether, right? And he forgets to give me the phone every morning so I have to go crawl for it and hurt myself.

So, husband is calling the hospital every couple of days with no response. This is what you get with top doctors. Arrogance.

I have a ton of shopping due to arrive today. At least that should distract. And once I get that bath!

Creeping up on Feeling Better

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Yesterday, as I lay in bed, I actually could move around a bit without being in incredible pain. I was a very responsible person and slept the afternoon away. Of course, I missed my medication times, so I don’t know if that’s why I’m a bit screwed today. I woke up with mild pain. Enough that I knew it was there, enough that I’m afraid to do too much activity.

 

Today will  be another relaxing one. I was hoping to get

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Actual Photo of my right ovary.

something actually done, but that will not be happening.  I’ve already taken breakthrough medication,  so I’m not happy about that. There is the matter of the post office. Apparently, all the shopping I’ve done in the past 4 weeks has come to roost. I think there are 5 or 6 packages there to be picked up. They usually leave them, but I guess with so many, they just took them to be safe. It’s mostly Old Navy clothes. I bought a bunch of tanks and sleep shorts because I’m so chuffed I’m now an XL in regular sizes and not in plus. And a dress for wearing to the doctor, because it’s easy to change in and out of and has no waistband. Clever!

 

giphy3Today I’m also going to try to take a bath. I’ve got the Ola plex sitting on my hair. I haven’t really washed my hair in two weeks, or had a submerged bath in the same. Ugh. Bird baths just don’t quite do it, but I haven’t been able to move without pain. At least I don’t smell.

 

I’m hoping giving myself another day of rest will let me play a bit tomorrow.  I’m kind of bored, but have no energy.

My abdomen feels like a suitcase. Where the zipper along the sides is burning. If you can follow me for a second here, my daughter was a fairly traumatic c-section. They let me push for a long time, they let me sit for a long time, trying to get me to 37 weeks, she was stuck in my pelvis, there was pulling.

Anyway, I know what I feel like happened is not what happened, because my husband is 6’5″ and saw over the drape. What my abdomen feels like is a wheelie suitcase on its side with a zipper all around the bottom, right side and top, and was peeled back with burning pain. It makes no sense.

Then I have deep pain toward my right ovary, running through my back. This is connected. It is likely literally connected, because of the Endometriosis. I have adhesions connections and lashing the organs of my pelvis together. This is probably why it hurts when I move. Or sometimes just for fun! I have a Mirena, so I don’t know what’s up.

Then there’s my regular EDS discomfort that I deal with. That’s nothing to write home about. IBS, carpal tunnel, sore wrists and hands. Knee pain. The usual stuff. Migraines. Gastroparesis. The usual suspects.

Hope you’re having a good day, Zebra pals! 😘

O-Vary Nice to See You!

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Today has already started out scarily awful. This was a long weekend in Canada. Our washing machine broke. It did only cost $250 to fix. I didn’t get my sheets changed. Our kids do theirs each week. I couldn’t move.

My two kids, who both have Autism, have been struggling with anxiety this past month. My daughter (15) has been sick off and on and struggled to make it to school other days, just the past two months. My husband has been walking her to school last week.

My son, 13 in 2 weeks, has struggled since February, maybe longer, so my husband walked him to school for two weeks, then met him at school for two weeks, and today was the day he was going to let our boy fly free!

Except the girl was struggling. So he was going to hang around the neighborhood, visiting various Starbucks until our children were ensconced in school.

Only the boy woke up still with that cold he had all long weekend. He’s missed so much school we have to send him unless he is actively vomiting or has a fever, the Principal will dismiss him.

My husband came to talk to me about the chaos when pain exploded in the right side of my abdomen. I began screaming. 30 seconds or a minute passed. The pain abated. The screaming turned into a moan. Husband continued his sentence as he crossed the room and grabbed my pill case. He handed my my breakthrough meds and said “ovarian cyst, take one every hour until you’re comfortable. Stop at 3. Vape when you need to. Rest.” He then popped the pill in my mouth as if he were offering me communion and held my water bottle to my lips. I lay back and waited for some pain relief.

Because the kids were not to know their dad was lurking in the neighborhood, he left at his usual time of 7:00. The kids continued on and I tried to keep comfortable. Around 7:30 I started to vape, as the kids were ready to go, they just needed to leave.

The boy finally left around 8:05, a bit late, but made his way to school.

The girl was supposed to leave at 8:20, but we hadn’t heard anything by 8:30, there’d been a problem. My daughter comes running up the stairs with the doorknob in her hand! The thing broke! We are actually in the process of replacing all our doors, too! She is in a panic because she can’t fix it, and she can’t just leave it, because she’s afraid I will get hurt. So I have to shine the dad-signal.

Dad comes running, of course. Daughter wasn’t happy, but he fixed the door. He walked her to school.

Does it end there? No…

My son is now home. They sent him home because of that cold, but he did get homework. My daughter is not able to stay at school, but she made it, so she’ll be back soon. I’m pretty sure she will be upset for not reaching her goals, so I am bracing for a day. But she could be fine.

I am two weeks away from my Botox treatment shots. The old ones are wearing off. I have excruciating back pain, my neck hurts, my head hurts, all my muscles hurt, I have abdominal menstrual-like cramps. I want a bath but I can’t move.

Two days after that I see my doctor again but we can talk about my head!

Have a fun day, fellow Zebras! 😘 I’m going to be relaxing.

 

Drowning in Exhaustion

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My migraine finally broke last night, but it’s been flirting around the edges of my brain, threatening to return with one wrong move.

Every day I start out happy and full of promise. With pain, of course, but I have plans for things to do, and stuff I want to accomplish! Soon, though, I’m worn out and wondering how much I can still push through. Trouble is, when I’m trying to take photos of the makeup I’ve accomplished, you can see the pain in my face if I push it too much. I suppose it’s a way of keeping me from too much.

I finally had a full bath today, instead of a sponge bath. It’s been tough to get in there, I’m so cold all the time. I feel better now. It took me ten minutes just to get warm. My lovely daughter babysat. I need help running the bath, and I like someone to stay on the second floor with me, so when I get out, in case I slip they can help. I’ve got such great kids. They don’t complain much.

My husband has been so exhausted lately. I miss him. I could barely speak when he came to bed last night. There are so many things I want to do with him (that too) but I’d like to start with a hug, or putting my head on his chest. I can’t get close enough to him yet. I’m too sore. He’s too stressed. The other day my daughter noticed a pair of my underwear that must have fallen when my husband went to put laundry away. It was kind of near the bed, not really obvious. She handed them to me, to which I cheekily replied, “oh, there those are! Wild night last night!” She’s 15, our bedroom doesn’t have a door and is right next to her bedroom. She gave me the ‘yeah, right’ face. 😂

Okay, trying to catch up with everyone. I’m thinking of you!

Have a wonderful evening, Zebras! 😘

 

 

Army Day…March Fourth

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Ha ha! I told you I like wordplay. Today is going to be a quick post because I am feeling better than usual, and I want to play with my new makeup.

Something disturbing happened last night. My daughter had stayed home yesterday due to feeling unwell. She has been battling a flu for the past ten days or so, quite severe nausea. In fact, I wonder if some of the nausea I had been exacerbated by this bug. Anyway, she had approached me later that evening, after vomiting and confessed that she actually had severe menstrual pain and it was so severe it made her physically ill. She is very private, so she must have been suffering to share this with me. I am upset because I have a long history with Endometriosis, including five laparascopies, preparing for number six when I became pregnant the first time. There are a couple of arguments for this being a one-off on her side. She usually has only mild cramping, and her menses was delayed a week, likely due to the weight loss associated with the flu. She is very slight and had lost some weight, the stress could have delayed her, resulting in more cramps.

My own history includes Co workers finding me passed out under desks, curled up in break rooms and calling in from the ER. I had my appendix removed, as they were sure it was going to burst, as they couldn’t see it in the ultra sound. But no, my period started the next morning. That was the time I had the nurse who left me for two hours having to pee because I couldn’t get the bed rail down, and needed help walking then sneered at me “you’d better never need a c-section”. I shot back “I had a c-section last year and was up and around within hours, don’t give me that bullshit. It was at another hospital though, so…” yeah, I’ve never admitted that whole sentence before. I’m a bitch.

So, we wait for next month, hope she’s back to her normal and this was a one-off, and she doesn’t mind mummy blogging about her cramps. Heh. If not, we likely try the Naprosyn route, although her periods are not totally regular to the day, I am worried about her stomach. Another route is birth control pills.  She takes daily pills as it is, I don’t see why we shouldn’t add one. I started at the same age. And it’s  she has no interest in a relationship on any level, so it’s not like we’re saying go have sex. It’s ultimately up to her.

OK. Playtime!

Have a great day however you’re feeling, Zebra pals! 😘