Muddling Through

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All in all, I’m not feeling too awful. I hadn’t had a great time sleeping, but once I’d figured out my feet haven’t been warm since… I can’t remember, it was time for some socks. I usually can’t sleep with socks on, but my feet liked this, and I slept like the proverbial log. I thought I should look online to see if I could find some slippers. Not an easy thing in August. I may stick with the socks with the trippy bottoms for now.

I was miserable last night. I had a couple of days where I had slept for 20 hours or so, and my meds were all screwed up. My knee kept popping out, my face and head hurt, my back hurt, I had cramps, I couldn’t remember anything, and I was lonely.  I was whining to my husband that I couldn’t get comfortable, and I was freezing. I wanted more pillows, and he got this happy look on his face. Apparently, he had purchased all these pillows and didn’t know what to do with them. So he immediately piled four pillows on me and produced three from under the bed. Such comfort!

My sheets are so gross and smelly. I’ve been so sick, husband hasn’t been able to get me out long enough to change them. This weekend. I am so excited! The kids’ bedding is changed every week, but I’m always asking him to leave it just one more week, we will be fine! Ugh.

I am so tired these days. The heat, the pain, not moving, the stress. It adds up. I’m usually better after my shots, but I haven’t heard from the clinic yet. I’m not eating as much, either. I get weighed on the weekend, usually, too.

Today it’s mostly my head, my back, and my pubic bone giving me trouble. My knees are acting up when I get up to use the washroom. I try to straighten them and they pop and crack, quite painfully, as you see the patella slide around, or it knocks sideways before sliding into place. God, it hurts.  I’m trying to rehydrate. Last night I had the worst case of dry mouth. It’s probably from all that time asleep. I should have taken in some water. Thunder storms and rain today. The big stick that pokes my wounds.

My boy is a grouchy today. His sister is being sweet to me. I was thinking just yesterday how I will missthem when school starts. Check that. Not the fighting. Sigh.

As long as my feet are warm, I’m sleepy. So it’s naptime. I’m nodding off.

Not-so-Brief Update

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I should be sleeping. People on TV aren’t really making sense anymore, and husband is snoring beside me. But I’m awake and my back hurts and my head feels as if a small Lego person is wielding a pickaxe and slamming it into the back of my head, right where it joins my neck. It’s wrapping around to my face, and I only feel good when I’m lightly biting on my mouth guard.

I spoke with my dietician today, and it looks like I’m down a bit more food. She is not qualified, of course, but she did confirm that it sort of sounds kind of like I’m tending towards gastroparesis, and I should see a gastroenterologist asap to get the tests.

  • Fatty foods are bothering me. Consistent with gastroparesis
  • Eat and drink alternately. I’m struggling, it’s cutting down on my food.
  • The pain I’m having is in my upper area, in my stomach, not bloating or flatulence.  Paired with nausea and vomiting, consistent with gastroparesis,

We spoke in depth, and until my stomach gets checked out, we are going to try garlic and onion just a miniscule bit. I am stopping anything fatty. I had some chips and oven baked hash browns make me sick.

I have tons of allergies, and damage to my throat due to acid damage, I’m very picky. So, it’s my fault really, I’m not eating such a varied diet.

I do have a Neurologist appointment for the beginning of October ❤ I just have to survive.

We put in the request for the gastroenterologist at the same time, so I am hoping it should appear shortly.  I’m such an optimist!

I went to bed at 2 pm yesterday and woke up at 7:30 This morning, for this appointment.  I woke up disoriented and started yelling. I didn’t expect to sleep so long. Husband took it personally. 😭 I felt awful. We need to work this out. He wants to go to our marriage counsellor,  but the person we were seeing I saw personally. Last I emailed her she answered really strangely. She took my words and quoted them, saying she was sorry I was feeling “awful”. This was right after my head pain, when it was really new and really bad. I was put off and not excited to deal with her again. I don’t know exactly why I was offended so much, but it almost feels like mocking. The mature person would ask about it. The mature person has more energy than I do, I think. I honestly think, she’s moved to a new office, under new rules and the rules may be stricter. But I’m really put off. If it is really important to him, I will suck it up, but it will be mentioned.

Speaking of which, husband paid me a strange yet flattering compliment via our son this weekend. Our son will be diagnosed with Autism when he returns to school in the fall, and he is currently seeing various therapists to assist with organization, motor control, etc. One therapist is leaving to move to a different facility and he had the choice to move with her or stay and work with another therapist. We expected him to make his dad do the talking, but he marched in (he’s 13, he usually goes into the session alone, but he’s not ready to travel alone. Not there, to school, yes. He’s about 11 in maturity, anyway) and essentially fired her. Did all the talking for the hour when he’s usually mute. My husband said that’s like me. I’m good at having the difficult conversations.

Like the time I had a pregnancy scare with my ex-husband? I found him at some stupid place he conned a friend into renting so they could play “office”. I pulled him outside saying “I need to talk to you!” Before I could say one word he said, “I know, you have AIDS.” I only wish I knew then that when people accuse you of something, they are always talking about themselves. I can’t believe how many more years I was in that stupid marriage, too. Definitely not pregnant. HIV-free too. Only 1 STD, and that wasn’t exactly consensual, KWIM. But it was the most easily cleared up thank goodness, no lasting effects. Phew! I wonder what risky behaviour he’d been up to? 🤔

I’m so tired I watched tv today. Just watched tv. Tired isn’t right. Uh. I don’t know the word.

If you’re bored, Naked on Netflix is hysterical. It stars Marlon Wayans Ass, I watched Leah Remini Scientology Series. My god her makeup is Divine! The Scott Petersen documentary about him killing his wife, where I’m supposed to think he’s innocent.  Pfft.

Ugh, I’m starting to have these brief, sharp pains in my upper right ribcage, under my boob when I take a really deep breath. I had it this morning, I thought I could find a good position, I don’t know. I should probably just zone out until I can see a doctor, have people keep checking on me and wipe me down every once in a while.

I am having such a tough time eating, too. I had to miss dinner because of the nausea. I had oatmeal, a half lunch plate of nachos (lactose-free cheese and corn based tortilla chips) the rest at 3:30, and water plus unsweetened iced tea. I’m nervous about this pattern and how long this will sustain me. Losing another 15 lbs would be so cool, but it’s gotta stop somewhere. It’s really not normal to have this metabolism at my age.

Ok. Midnight. I’m going to turn into a pumpkin.

But hey, I did two blog posts! If you are interested in beauty, check out my beauty blog, Squidge’s Beauty Haul this post is on The Ordinary skincare line.

 

Rough Night.

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I have been having horrible abdominal cramps the past couple of weeks. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis in 1989. It was originally thought to be the source of my pain. I have been fine since I had my kids, mostly due to the Mirena. I’m on number 3, and am on year 2 I believe, so nothing should be wrong. I haven’t had any spotting. In fact, it had been working miraculously in helping me with cramps.

Over the past week, I’ve had discharge as if I was ovulating, (that’s one thing about chronic illness, being really in tune with your body. I knew exactly when I was ovulating, which made pregnancy a snap). The cramps were slightly menstrual-like, but more sustained ovulation-like. Mittelsmertz, if you will. Yesterday I was so distracted I even forgot my medication all day!

I went to bed early, I was generally uncomfortable. My head is hurting at the back. Around midnight I woke up screaming with intense abdominal cramping. Did I have a cyst burst? It was just on the right side. The pain lasted almost 20 minutes with me just babble scream-moaning for that time. It eventually subsided, but I’m aching intensely this morning. It could be that I caught my ovary or twisted it a bit. Or a bit of adhesions ripping. It could be anything. Well, not anything. I don’t think it’s actually a hedgehog on a rampage. It just feels like it.

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This was under the gifs for Endometriosis.  I thought it completely appropriate.

I had a horrible time trying to sleep last night. I just couldn’t. I took extra meds, but it didn’t help. I read some junk on my tablet.

I have my makeup in stacked bins beside my bed. At 10:51 pm. The past two nights, a whole row has fallen over. 😮 spooky! I know my family has been in rough shape because we’ve all been in bed before 9:30 both nights.

I’m curled up in a ball, trying to amuse myself. I’m focusing on taking my meds, having some fun, and taking things a bit easy. I don’t know quite how this will play out. My gynecologist is part of the pain clinic, for the endo part anyway. I don’t have one for other stuff.

The BOTOX shots help a ton with any cramping or discomfort. I had forgotten how much pain this can cause.

My husband might just swaddle me and leave me at the emergency room. 🤣 Like he was giving up a newborn. What should the note say? Tag you’re It? She’s your problem now?  😈

My husband had no idea what to do, so he did nothing. I’m not exactly thrilled. We should probably have a discussion.

Another issue with my doctor being absent is he made a lovely compound for me, well, ordered, and I’m now gingerly using it. I don’t know if I can get it again. It has gabapentin and ketamine in it, it’s a lotion, and it’s unbelievable. It fixed my abdomen earlier. I don’t have another doctor for this.

It was upsetting when I mentioned my doctor situation on Facebook, people started speculating he was ‘up on charges’ that is such dangerous speculation. I took the post down. I wasn’t strong enough at the time. I’m still worried about his health.

Anyway, I need to rest. More soon.

Oh! I’m down to 188. This was the 20 lbs I was keeping for emergencies, remember? Heh. Oh well. Eating is hard. Nausea is pervasive. Heartburn is so often. Even though I’m on the max dose of medicine for it. I just rechecked the BMI charts, and I need to lose 15 more lbs and I’m normal weight. That blows my mind. I was certain I’d never lose this weight. I suppose I like being slim. I’m not so certain I like the attention from men. Wait. I like the respectful attention. I don’t like the disrespectful attention.

Ok, bit of rest now. 😊.

Netflix and Nausea

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My Zebra Strong tee arrived! Booster.com helps charities with fundraising, so they are a cool place to check out.

The past couple of days have been interesting. Yesterday morning I accomplished quite a bit. I cleaned a bit of my bed area and my outstanding computer files. I’m transitioning from a Yahoo address to a gmail, so I did some of that.

I napped all afternoon.

I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix. Mostly Documentaries, interspersed with Embarrassing Bodies, which mostly involves sexually harassing the male doctor, but I’m alone in my room, he can’t hear. ☺

My head hurts. I couldn’t keep down breakfast. I’m almost used to this pain now.

My memory gets really lousy as the day goes on. It’s awful. I did go on a journal spending spree and got some nice ones!

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There are some dotted pens. They are cute! I bought a proper Address Book. I won’t have to fire up the computer every time I need an address! There were three plain journals, and two holographic/iridescent journals. I’m in love with holographic or iridescent products. ❤

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Pretty! And, of course, you can see the reflection of the ring light.

It’s been thunderstorms like crazy here! 😮

I’m incredibly bored, so I’ve made Amazon my bitch, and it’s giving my husband heart palpitations. I’m terrible, I can never do just one thing at a time. The tv is on, but I have to be futzing on my tablet or organizing a drawer or writing a list… I need to Zen more. I should slow it down.

Although I felt awful today, I’m feeling better than I was this morning. My back doesn’t hurt as much, my head is okay. I might try a quick look.

It’s amazing how your pain can change. I know I’m delicate today, though. My abdomen is threatening cramps if I’m not careful. Is that the Endometriosis acting up?

Today will be quiet, with some masking, skincare, Netflix, naps, photos, and maybe a makeup look if I can.

Moving slowly, though. No need to rush!

Hope you have a great weekend!

 

 

Srsly.

giphy4This would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic. I woke up this morning, after a fairly decent sleep. Husband went out on Saturday, his friend was in town so I got twelve hours sleep in. Then last night I fell asleep around 10:00, woke up a few times, but 6:00 came round, as it does, and I woke up cheery!

Until I had to call my husband to grab the barf bucket.

So this is what’s going on today. I am weak and exhausted, which I was blaming on the cold, but I guess is a flu? And food is completely unappealing. I’ve taken some Gravol, and I think it’s time for pill 2.

I was looking forward to feeling better today, maybe playing with some makeup, but that isn’t going to happen, I don’t think. Looks like a quiet day napping. Sigh. Again.

I bought some of the cutest clothes at Old Navy! I had to revamp my wardrobe at my new size. They had a bunch of cute items with Zebras on them! I can’t wait until they get here and I’m well enough to show you! ☺

Have a restful day, Zebra friends! 😘 I’m taking a sign from the universe to rest.