Good News! I’m alive!

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Well, I suppose that depends on your perspective, but I’m happy I’m starting to feel human again. 🤣 I believe sleeping so much yesterday helped a lot. Usually sleeping so much doesn’t do much to tackle the exhaustion. Things are different when we are dealing with the flu.

It’s funny to me it takes so long to figure out when I have a flu bug or something. I get to feeling worse and worse, and my brain gets less able to figure out what is going on. Being nauseated and tired all the time is nothing new. Dizziness is standard. Flare-up happen. Headaches are constant. At least now I feel like I have one flu instead of two. And why do I get sores on my tongue every time I get sick now? Do not like. (When my daughter was a baby she used to say “Do not like it -push” 😂 she’s so funny).

Two weeks to neurologist appointment. I’m hanging in there. I’m hanging a lot on this. I know this is very dangerous, but it’s all I’ve got.

I am going to shop for some supplies. I am going to look for some aromatherapy supplies. I still have horrific menstrual cramps. Year’s ago a combination of bergamot and ylang ylang in oil massaged on my abdomen used to help. If you try this, it is not safe for pregnant women, because it can cause uterine cramping. I want to find some support pillows, and something to help me apply lotion when my husband and chief lotion-spreader isnt around.  Or is sleeping. 😊

I have new boxes to get organized, so I’m going to do just a tiny bit of that while I have the spoons and need to lie down again. Ten minutes?  I love making my nest cozy. Then I’m going to watch episode 2 of AHS:Cult. I’m so afraid of clowns! 🤡 Even before it was trendy! Maybe this week I can catch up on OITNB and Kimmy Schmidt, too. I’m even thinking of picking up a book. I feel centred enough to try.

I hope you’re doing well!

💜

PS, I felt like a real Zebra the other day! I was doing something where I put my arms out or something, and my son freaked out and asked if I was turning my arm upside down because it looked freaky. My arms are pretty normal, as Zebra arms go, but it made me laugh. 😄

Why do People Gotta be so Mean?

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WARNING: MAY BE A BIT RAMBLY AND DISJOINTED. STILL NOT AT 100% MAKING SENSE. STILL FLUISH.

It’s Monday afternoon and I’m on my way to feeling human once again.  Somewhat. I am fairly sure it will take a few weeks before I am completely back and feeling whole, as it sometimes does with colds. It’s funny, it’s not always the really heavy colds, either. This one I had a light sore throat, but I was so tired, and those sores on my tongue came back. They seem to come back now the second I get run down. They are terrible. I can’t have more barriers to eating!

Yesterday was my husband’s 49th birthday. He looks much younger. He was asked last fall to join an under 30 kickboxing club. 😂 He declined.  The family finally got me to move at about 4 in the afternoon. I was still very weak, but I hung out, still in bed, because I’m always in bed, tried to be a good sport, and tried some food. My husband had made some FODMAP friendly brownies, so I had a couple. He eventually made me a smoothie, which I spilled all over myself. Yay! I’m just waiting to take a bath.

My head is really hurting today. It never ends. It’s nice my brain decided to ease up while the rest was acting up. Or I didn’t notice it.

The hospital hasn’t called back, and it’s long past 48 hours, so I assume we aren’t dealing with an infection. So, it looks like I have to face facts and will likely have to find a new GYN. I love mine, but she isn’t available enough to me, and did not return my husband’s call. Can’t work with that. I don’t have the energy.

So, I can’t remember if I mentioned this, but I’m too weak to check, as we were leaving the exam room, we walked by the patient at the nurses station on a stretcher. Obviously, I was in a room because of the examination that needed to be done. The patients partner was sitting crossways across the bed and my husband walks past, holding my hand, I’m clutching my stomach, and she stretches her legs out and tries to kick me in the knee. She just barely makes contact, though, short-legs-having-bitch. Why?

Then I get out to the waiting room, I had to make sure I didn’t hallucinate this one. This woman was sitting in the waiting room, and it was about half full. My husband found the closest chair and dumped me on it, and this woman was sitting across from me. Husband goes to get a cab, and she goes “Ha ha” and I assume she’s looking at her phone, but she’s staring me down. I just put my head in my hands. She may have taken a photo, because she had her camera out and in position, but that didn’t occur to me until later. 6 mg of morphine, remember. I did not fall asleep! But I did get somewhat stupid. I remembered what happened, but it took me a while to parse it. She looked so normal! Then this guy came out that ahe was with, and he did not look, uh, well. I appreciate a man who works with his hands, but this man looked like he worked with his face! Wow! I don’t know the relationship, but the age difference looked huge! I’m biased, because my ex was older and it was bad. Strange people everywhere.

I don’t understand deliberately trying to hurt someone. And on that note, a big shout out to twiggyjen44 whom I may have been inadvertently ornery with in my cold/pain/drug induced haze. I am very sorry if I was snarky. Thank you for your help and advice! 💜

Over this next week I’m going to work on recovering my strength before making any decisions. I seem to have had one round of bleeding that has stopped. Perhaps my lining had just built up enough that it needed to slough. We have moved my cranberry pill to the morning, so that should help with any chronic yeast problems.

Oh! Yes! When the nurse was inserting the iv into my hand, she really crammed it into the back of my hand. I heard it pop when it entered my vein. That has never happened before.  But I have the teeniest of yellow bruises. I am one Zebra who doesn’t bruise! And another thing, my body should be stretched out from being fat, but it snapped back! Reverse elasticity? 🤣 I think my skin just isn’t very involved.

Another thing at the hospital, while I had my blood drawn, this woman came in, she was in her large 60s, she approached the triage nurse. Patient explained she was at the ER and the doctor wanted her to come back for a follow up test. Triage nurse explained patient had to go to her GP. Patient claims the doctor told her to come back here. Triage nurse tried not to roll her eyes and started to ask the patient questions. Which start to go in circles. We go through this whole routine three times, at which point the patient decides she wants to come back tomorrow, and tries to book an appointment. All the nurses were listening in by the end, trying not to either laugh in sympathy or strangle the patient.

When I was still waiting in the hall, one lady jumped up because her partner was getting worse, they were worried about his heart. She bashed into my stretcher, which hurt so much, and surprised me, I felt so bad for calling out, but I couldn’t help it. She apologised, but her mind was elsewhere, of course. Goodness. I’m such a jerk when I don’t mean to be. It’s good I don’t go out much! 🙊

I must admit, though, even though I had to spell Ehlers Danlos for them, I did get treated awesomely. Adequate pain management, no drug seeking questioning (it does help to go to the hospital that does administrate my pain management), thinking ahead so I didn’t have to move too much, all in all, the staff was very considerate.

Okay, I’m going to go find someone to monitor my bath. I fell a couple of weeks ago, and I like to have someone keep an ear out for giant splashes or thuds.

💜

Muddling Through

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All in all, I’m not feeling too awful. I hadn’t had a great time sleeping, but once I’d figured out my feet haven’t been warm since… I can’t remember, it was time for some socks. I usually can’t sleep with socks on, but my feet liked this, and I slept like the proverbial log. I thought I should look online to see if I could find some slippers. Not an easy thing in August. I may stick with the socks with the trippy bottoms for now.

I was miserable last night. I had a couple of days where I had slept for 20 hours or so, and my meds were all screwed up. My knee kept popping out, my face and head hurt, my back hurt, I had cramps, I couldn’t remember anything, and I was lonely.  I was whining to my husband that I couldn’t get comfortable, and I was freezing. I wanted more pillows, and he got this happy look on his face. Apparently, he had purchased all these pillows and didn’t know what to do with them. So he immediately piled four pillows on me and produced three from under the bed. Such comfort!

My sheets are so gross and smelly. I’ve been so sick, husband hasn’t been able to get me out long enough to change them. This weekend. I am so excited! The kids’ bedding is changed every week, but I’m always asking him to leave it just one more week, we will be fine! Ugh.

I am so tired these days. The heat, the pain, not moving, the stress. It adds up. I’m usually better after my shots, but I haven’t heard from the clinic yet. I’m not eating as much, either. I get weighed on the weekend, usually, too.

Today it’s mostly my head, my back, and my pubic bone giving me trouble. My knees are acting up when I get up to use the washroom. I try to straighten them and they pop and crack, quite painfully, as you see the patella slide around, or it knocks sideways before sliding into place. God, it hurts.  I’m trying to rehydrate. Last night I had the worst case of dry mouth. It’s probably from all that time asleep. I should have taken in some water. Thunder storms and rain today. The big stick that pokes my wounds.

My boy is a grouchy today. His sister is being sweet to me. I was thinking just yesterday how I will missthem when school starts. Check that. Not the fighting. Sigh.

As long as my feet are warm, I’m sleepy. So it’s naptime. I’m nodding off.

Luxury and Resting Up

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I discovered these bath salts at my favourite online shop. I’m not certain they do much actually, in terms of healing, but are they that different from Epsom salts? They are certainly lovely to lay in a bath with.

I’ve been both busy and boring. My lipstick from a big launch came in, so I played with that, but other than that, I’m not certain I have many spoons left. My body is giving signals it’s unhappy.

  • I’m exhausted most of the time, which is not unusual, but is getting worse.
  • I’m getting sores on my tongue
  • I’m craving chocolate all the time. I suspect my body is looking for quick energy.
  • My minor body aches are becoming bigger. Often I will have simple body aches that aren’t even noticeable, but lately my body is sore almost as if I have the flu or worked out too hard.
  • I’m very jumpy. Every time something falls or touches me, I jump a mile.
  • Open sores. I’m developing sores, like a line along my bust that feels like a bedsore and isn’t healing well.

So I expect to be resting this week.

I got my hair done yesterday. I will post a pic tomorrow when I’m up to it. It’s straight for now because we do a keratin treatment to help with tangles. It lasts longer if you leave it straight and don’t wet it for a bit.

I also bought a bunch of braces. Will show!

 

 

Frustration

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There is so much truth to the old adage that says your life can’t be running well in more than one place at a time. So while my body isn’t in pure agony, all my relationships are in relationship hell. Well not all of them, but most of them, and some are actually just in relationship purgatory. At any rate, I sure am feeling low today. I’m just going to muddle through as best I can and see what happens. 8m just not certain what else to do anymore.

For the record, I don’t think everything happens to me. In fact, I’m pretty certain we are all blessed fairly equally in life, if we look at things. We don’t all have money or friends or health or brains to fall back on, but over a lifetime, I think most of us get lucky in a couple of places. We get a good spouse, or we meet a good friend, or we have luck with money, or we are lucky with our careers, or we have good health. I think we get pretty even in the end.

Since I’ve graduated high school,  I haven’t had a good friend who has had time for me, and I don’t mean every minute of every day, but once a week for fifteen minutes, and a genuine desire for my friendship, not seeing me as the crippled friend collectible. I’ve started a few friendships, they’ve fizzled, usually because I can’t get out, or had to cancel plans too many times, or things just fizzled. There are the friendships with men, where they always wanted something more. I have one friend now, everything I post something that triggers her on Facebook, she posts about how privileged I am. Lots of friends post about how we need to make the world more accessible, but not a single message asking how I’m doing. Disabled in the abstract is fine, but do you really want to deal with them one on one?

My husband snapped at me last night. It was even more painful because I’m in so much emotional pain. I’m realizing people I thought had my back, don’t. (I don’t mean my husband) He is exhausted, his eyes hurt, he has a cold, our boy is being a sassy jerk. He’s almost 13. I said something he didn’t expect, I was right, but my tone was off, as I hadn’t spoken for a while, that happens to me sometimes. I have trouble regulating air, and just, well, sound weird. My son had said something, he snapped at my husband, something like “I can’t take this anymore! I’m going to bed” and my husband was like where does that come from, and I said our son was imitating husband, because husband says that almost every night. He apologized, but it still felt awful.

People don’t hear this stuff because when they talk to me, they don’t ask. They call and tell me their problems. They ask how I’m feeling. I give them a brief description of my pain, because they don’t care, and then I listen. Because I’m Yoda.

I’m whining about this because I don’t think this is unique to me. I think this is fairly common among my zebra friends, and is the reason most of my actual friends are other zebras.

I’m still bummed about my ex-brother-in-law dying. He was a decent guy. I have no one to discuss this with as my husband is not impressed. He can’t fathom a decent guy being brothers with The Weasel. I can’t talk to my ex. Don’t want to open that crate of worms. So, I just sit here. It will pass. He was only seven years older than I am. Five years older than my husband. Cancer. My ex said it was from steroids? I know he played football, but he does get things wrong.

I’m trying to get my son to school, but he’s still so anxious he won’t go unless someone walks him there. I’m so worried for this kid. He made it once this week. My therapist pointed out things could be solved if I could just walk him to school. She’s right. Although, I would probably be working if I could walk. And really, walking him would just be a panacea.

Today should be interesting. I had a glorious nap yesterday. May do it again, today. Makeup could be on the agenda, as I concentrate on it and get out of my head for a while, it’s something I can DO. Unlike colouring, reading, TV, Netflix, jogging, cleaning, writing (for too long) etc…

My husband is talking about coming home to help our son to school as it’s the last day before spring break, and he needs to pick up any home work assignments.

Will definitely be staying away from Facebook much of the day. I’m feeling far too sensitive to venture into those waters. I need to know my limits. Lots of people are closet bullies. I don’t know why they hate closets so much! 😀

Sorry to be such a bitch today, but I needed to vent. Thanks for listening! It’s very much appreciated.

Have a fantastic day, Zebras! 😘

A Day Without a Woman

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The organizers of the Women’s March has organized a Day Without A Woman for today, International Women’s Day.  It is meant to illustrate what life would be like without women in it.

My husband and I discussed my participation. It didn’t seem I could strike at work, since I don’t work, my unpaid work is my blogs, but those are passion projects. I was going to semi-strike in the area of home. How naive! Currently it’s 7:00 and my son has been battling his anxiety all day, keeping him home from school. I can’t walk out on him.

I can’t really do this to my husband, anyway. He lives with half a woman (figureatively) anyway. He has to leap into action at a moments’ notice at any time to pick up my slack. I don’t think he needs to know what it’s like to live without a woman. He already does. He does the ferrying of the children and the housework and the groceries and the cooking, he pays the bills and does a ton of other things too. Sound unfair? Most women carry this burden and nothing is said.

I wonder how many people could actually strike today, and was it meant literally? In all areas? Did they take a personal day or call in sick? What happened? Should be interesting.

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My pain is still not bad. I’m in bed, though. It’s odd. I’m calibrated, sort of, but I can’t actually do anything yet. So let’s say maybe we have stasis, but I’m stuck in my bed now. Where do we go from here? What do we do if I want to move?

Stuff I still can’t do:

  • Walk half a block
  • Open a bottle
  • Open a package
  • Bathe on my own
  • Shower
  • Make a meal
  • Go shopping
  • Go for a walk
  • Have a glass of wine
  • Read a book
  • Read a short story
  • Follow the plot of an hour long show

 

I’m certainly not complaining. I’m thrilled with this pain vacation, such as it is. Is it a vacation if it’s only at arm’s length? Because it’s there, it’s just quieter.

That’s the kind of day I’ve had. I’m pretty tired. I had some fun with makeup, and am just waiting for dinner.

Hope you have a great day, Zebras! 😙