Not-so-Brief Update

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I should be sleeping. People on TV aren’t really making sense anymore, and husband is snoring beside me. But I’m awake and my back hurts and my head feels as if a small Lego person is wielding a pickaxe and slamming it into the back of my head, right where it joins my neck. It’s wrapping around to my face, and I only feel good when I’m lightly biting on my mouth guard.

I spoke with my dietician today, and it looks like I’m down a bit more food. She is not qualified, of course, but she did confirm that it sort of sounds kind of like I’m tending towards gastroparesis, and I should see a gastroenterologist asap to get the tests.

  • Fatty foods are bothering me. Consistent with gastroparesis
  • Eat and drink alternately. I’m struggling, it’s cutting down on my food.
  • The pain I’m having is in my upper area, in my stomach, not bloating or flatulence.  Paired with nausea and vomiting, consistent with gastroparesis,

We spoke in depth, and until my stomach gets checked out, we are going to try garlic and onion just a miniscule bit. I am stopping anything fatty. I had some chips and oven baked hash browns make me sick.

I have tons of allergies, and damage to my throat due to acid damage, I’m very picky. So, it’s my fault really, I’m not eating such a varied diet.

I do have a Neurologist appointment for the beginning of October ❤ I just have to survive.

We put in the request for the gastroenterologist at the same time, so I am hoping it should appear shortly.  I’m such an optimist!

I went to bed at 2 pm yesterday and woke up at 7:30 This morning, for this appointment.  I woke up disoriented and started yelling. I didn’t expect to sleep so long. Husband took it personally. 😭 I felt awful. We need to work this out. He wants to go to our marriage counsellor,  but the person we were seeing I saw personally. Last I emailed her she answered really strangely. She took my words and quoted them, saying she was sorry I was feeling “awful”. This was right after my head pain, when it was really new and really bad. I was put off and not excited to deal with her again. I don’t know exactly why I was offended so much, but it almost feels like mocking. The mature person would ask about it. The mature person has more energy than I do, I think. I honestly think, she’s moved to a new office, under new rules and the rules may be stricter. But I’m really put off. If it is really important to him, I will suck it up, but it will be mentioned.

Speaking of which, husband paid me a strange yet flattering compliment via our son this weekend. Our son will be diagnosed with Autism when he returns to school in the fall, and he is currently seeing various therapists to assist with organization, motor control, etc. One therapist is leaving to move to a different facility and he had the choice to move with her or stay and work with another therapist. We expected him to make his dad do the talking, but he marched in (he’s 13, he usually goes into the session alone, but he’s not ready to travel alone. Not there, to school, yes. He’s about 11 in maturity, anyway) and essentially fired her. Did all the talking for the hour when he’s usually mute. My husband said that’s like me. I’m good at having the difficult conversations.

Like the time I had a pregnancy scare with my ex-husband? I found him at some stupid place he conned a friend into renting so they could play “office”. I pulled him outside saying “I need to talk to you!” Before I could say one word he said, “I know, you have AIDS.” I only wish I knew then that when people accuse you of something, they are always talking about themselves. I can’t believe how many more years I was in that stupid marriage, too. Definitely not pregnant. HIV-free too. Only 1 STD, and that wasn’t exactly consensual, KWIM. But it was the most easily cleared up thank goodness, no lasting effects. Phew! I wonder what risky behaviour he’d been up to? 🤔

I’m so tired I watched tv today. Just watched tv. Tired isn’t right. Uh. I don’t know the word.

If you’re bored, Naked on Netflix is hysterical. It stars Marlon Wayans Ass, I watched Leah Remini Scientology Series. My god her makeup is Divine! The Scott Petersen documentary about him killing his wife, where I’m supposed to think he’s innocent.  Pfft.

Ugh, I’m starting to have these brief, sharp pains in my upper right ribcage, under my boob when I take a really deep breath. I had it this morning, I thought I could find a good position, I don’t know. I should probably just zone out until I can see a doctor, have people keep checking on me and wipe me down every once in a while.

I am having such a tough time eating, too. I had to miss dinner because of the nausea. I had oatmeal, a half lunch plate of nachos (lactose-free cheese and corn based tortilla chips) the rest at 3:30, and water plus unsweetened iced tea. I’m nervous about this pattern and how long this will sustain me. Losing another 15 lbs would be so cool, but it’s gotta stop somewhere. It’s really not normal to have this metabolism at my age.

Ok. Midnight. I’m going to turn into a pumpkin.

But hey, I did two blog posts! If you are interested in beauty, check out my beauty blog, Squidge’s Beauty Haul this post is on The Ordinary skincare line.

 

Gastroparesis Awareness

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Lovely, I was just reading a post on Twitter from the EDS Association reminding us it was Gastroparesis Awareness month. I replied I was pretty sure I had this, was awaiting diagnosis. Someone snarkily replied it was dangerous to diagnose yourself from the internet, and did I have tests scheduled. I replied I was trying, I had other priorities, which got, if you’re so sick, you should have your priorities in order. My retort was about needing my energy to bug my pain doc about my neurologist at the moment, but under normal circumstances, definitely.

It’s such a shame there are so many scammers out there we have to be suspicious of everyone. That really sucks.

I got partway into my makeup and just ran out of steam. I couldn’t go on. I’m dead. I hate using that analogy, but my lips are pale and I’m drained. I feel awful.

Anyway, back to gastroparesis. I have almost all the symptoms. It involves very slow digestion. I will eat at lunch, still be full at dinner. If you overeat, sometimes you vomit the remainder up. I am not doing this much anymore. I have a very small appetite, am constantly, well mostly, nauseated. My stomach is often bloated. Constipation, cramps, constant heartburn. I can’t think of much else.

My current diet consists of:

  • My morning coffee
  • Oatmeal for breakfast (the bad kind)
  • Homemade nachos with corn tortilla chips, melted lactose free cheese and low fat sour cream
  • glucose-fructose free iced tea
  • gluten free pizza
  • Chicken Tacos
  • Chicka Chicka Boom popcorn
  • Rice Crackers
  • Homemade hamburgers
  • Homemade hash browns
  • Chocolate (This is not necessarily FODMAP friendly)
  • Chocolate chip pancakes with syrup

 

  • I have been munching on lightly salted chips the past couple of days, as it quells the nausea. It worked during my pregnancies, my first one I lost 30 lbs! I was still 30 lbs heavier than now! 😮

This is all the food I would eat in a normal week. Other things we have in the house I can have are:

  • Lactose free ice cream
  • sorbet
  • Rice pasta with garlic and onion free sauce (gag)
  • Husband has a mini storeroom of chocolate in the basement, apparently.  For me.

I love my chocolate and popcorn, but I don’t miss my food. Since I started feeling better for the most part while on FODMAP, I don’t miss eating tons of things. I’m not often craving foods the way I used to, though I sometimes do get hungry. It takes a long time, though.

I hope I can get a gastroenterologist soon. I’m trying to think, and there just aren’t any other foods I eat. 🤔 Nope.

 

Drowning in Exhaustion

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My migraine finally broke last night, but it’s been flirting around the edges of my brain, threatening to return with one wrong move.

Every day I start out happy and full of promise. With pain, of course, but I have plans for things to do, and stuff I want to accomplish! Soon, though, I’m worn out and wondering how much I can still push through. Trouble is, when I’m trying to take photos of the makeup I’ve accomplished, you can see the pain in my face if I push it too much. I suppose it’s a way of keeping me from too much.

I finally had a full bath today, instead of a sponge bath. It’s been tough to get in there, I’m so cold all the time. I feel better now. It took me ten minutes just to get warm. My lovely daughter babysat. I need help running the bath, and I like someone to stay on the second floor with me, so when I get out, in case I slip they can help. I’ve got such great kids. They don’t complain much.

My husband has been so exhausted lately. I miss him. I could barely speak when he came to bed last night. There are so many things I want to do with him (that too) but I’d like to start with a hug, or putting my head on his chest. I can’t get close enough to him yet. I’m too sore. He’s too stressed. The other day my daughter noticed a pair of my underwear that must have fallen when my husband went to put laundry away. It was kind of near the bed, not really obvious. She handed them to me, to which I cheekily replied, “oh, there those are! Wild night last night!” She’s 15, our bedroom doesn’t have a door and is right next to her bedroom. She gave me the ‘yeah, right’ face. 😂

Okay, trying to catch up with everyone. I’m thinking of you!

Have a wonderful evening, Zebras! 😘

 

 

Stumbling Around in the Light

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Good God I’m tired. I woke up this morning feeling well. I had energy. I made plans! I finished my vaping and decided to call my Mom as I hadn’t called her in ages. Halfway through the call, I lost all my energy. It just disappeared. I was so disappointed.  I had planned to do some fun makeup things, prep for Instagram and my Beauty Blog. It was not meant to be. I ended up trying to cry, but I was too tired to produce tears.

I had another three hour nap this afternoon. I put on some golf to listen to, and was out.

So I’m currently sitting amongst makeup detritus, waiting for my husband to come to bed so we can snuggle and I can go to sleep again.

I picked up a phone message yesterday and it seems my gastroenterologist from hell retired at the end of March. Everyone knew this but me, apparently, I guess I was trying too hard to stay upright I didn’t see the signs posted in the office, and husband didn’t mention it. I’m annoyed and relieved. It explains why he gave no fucks. Likely why he wasn’t interested in a long term patient. Let’s start over, shall we? Sounds like fun.

I have so much to do, so much to say, stuff to do, and zero energy. Ugh.

Is there such a thing as like medicinal energy drinks? Medicinal meth? In my day it was cocaine I guess. I was thinking, what speeds you up? Speed?  Lol. I’m soo into drug culture, can you tell? I had a friend who used to show up with pot in high school. Perfect with the pain of my menstrual cramps, we now know I have endometriosis, but that’s all the unprescribed drugs I took. I can feel crappy all on my own.

One Facebook friend? had a status today that read 90% of illness is emotionally related. 😂😂😂

I read one of those anecdote collection of medical stories, and it told of this one student who was sitting behind another student who pulled out a bottle of Tylenol and counted out 8 pills and went to swallow them before he stopped her and asked what she was doing. She said her pain was at an 8, so she was taking 8 tablets. That’s why doctors ask you to rate your pain out of 10, right? 😮 Scary.

Okay. I’m worn out. My hands are feeling good from all the rest, they’re just cold! 🙂

Have a lovely evening, my Zebras! 😘