My GI Tract Will be Scoped

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I will also be looking at downsizing my huge tracts of land. I just tried on a 2x shirt I ordered and could barely get it over the girls. This is untenable.

Back to my GI appointment. I was a bit nervous because it was through the EDS clinic, and I met that awful doctor the first time, but these doctors were probably the best I have ever met. They had a fellowship student do the intake. She listened so carefully and asked such good questions. She really led the appointment and I didn’t feel like I had to explain myself or guess what may have happened to me. By this, I mean my guesses about my birth trauma are just suppositions. That’s when the pain started and it makes sense, but it’s really a guess.

I was examined, found to be full of gas, you can play my gut like a drum. The doctor came in, she confirmed everything and we went through the listing of about 6 scopes I will be going through. Timeline will be about six months. We will check my motility, scope up and down with a camera, I have to swallow rings and be xrayed the next day. Lots of things to check my motility. I won’t be enjoying those scopes, but I will like to poop more than once every 10 days.

Going to the EDS clinic is great, because there is an administrator there who is made out of sunshine. She is just the coolest person, and she talks with me and husband before our appointment AND takes care of stuff. I always feel like a real person again. I always look forward to seeing her. There is another woman who works there who used to work at my old pain clinic. I couldn’t recognize her face, but when I listened to her voice for a while, I realized it was because I always sent my husband up with my cards to register. I recognize her voice, but I didn’t see her much! I hope I see her soon to tell her! She’s sweet!

My husband does research, that’s his ‘thing’. So he looked up the lead doctor at the clinic. Not only is he handsome, he has a pretty darn good reputation for research. He may not have the reputation my pain clinic doctor has, but he has headed some large and important studies. He has the potential to be just amazing and well-known. My husband told me he is only 43. I am not comfortable with doctors being so much younger than me! (Not really)

I have sent letters to the patient relations department of the hospitals. One, being that my first appointment didn’t go well. I do not qualify for hEDS under the new qualifications, however it’s because I scored 4/9 on Beighton. Now this was January, and I told the doctor I could push further, I was in pain, but if he wanted to see something specific, please tell me. He was silent. The Patient relations person is amazing, and they aren’t taking away my diagnosis, but I am nervous. We are discussing. I can repeat the test fine during summer months, so we shall see.

The other letter is to the other hospital regarding the pain clinic and how I am not being heard. I am still in incredible pain. I’m not sleeping in any kind of pattern. 3 hours here, 2 there. I’m exhausted.

My husband and I have been discussing my presentation around doctors. I don’t know if I am doing something wrong or not. Am I not deferential enough? Too aggressive? I am running on pure adrenaline usually.

I have a whole new butt-load of medication to try. I know being more active will help, too. Sigh. I have also gained back 40 of the 120 I lost. I will cop to 15 lbs of that. When I eat oatmeal for breakfast and a couple of oatmeal bars for lunch, no dinner, how am I gaining weight? Besides not pooping? Honestly.

I also realized, I sound just like my grandmother. She was gassy, burpy, constipated, had awful heartburn, as well. I don’t know if she actually coughs up her food like I do. Gross. It’s like a cud. My grandmother had so much work on the farm and looking after grandpa, I don’t know if she actually had proper treatment.

That’s me up til now.

Will keep you updated if something fun happens.

Love to all.

🦓

 

Mercury in Retrograde

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Mercury is supposed to be in retrograde the last two weeks of August, which is why I’ve had this horrible feeling of dread. Or so I’m telling myself.

I was so restless last night, I just could not settle. I was tossing and turning. I had to strip off my nightclothes, as they were getting all twisted up. I tried to make myself a nice pillow fort, but it didn’t work. Mostly, I kept swallowing air and having to sit up and clear it. Very uncomfortable. Not so ladylike, either.

I did fall asleep around 2:00 PM, though, and sleep until 9:00 PM. I usually have no trouble going back to sleep. I’ve been just exhausted, especially after getting outside to see the eclipse! (I will post about that soon!) .  At one point in our history, people used to go to bed around 7:00 PM, sleep until 11, be awake from 11 until 1 and then sleep from 1 to 5 or 6. I could live like that quite happily.

I don’t know if you believe in numerology, I tend not to, but this year my age is divisible by 7, and those do tend to be big years where I re-invent myself. I feel different this year. I have a new outlook. 😊

I bought yet another elbow brace. Size XXL.  Now, I’m not that big anymore, why do I need an XXL? Otherwise I’m ripping them off in agony in the middle of the night, only after a few hours. This one lasted seven. I do feel better, but woah, it’s sore. My hands are sore, too. I’ve been trying to rest them, but you really need your hands! XXL is pretty tough to find. I’m actually using sleeves, not braces. I will save braces until I’m fitted by pros.

Yesterday was supposed to be my BOTOX injections.  I haven’t heard anything from the clinic, but I’m doing amazingly well, considering. I’m not having that much head pain at the moment, but it does ramp up quickly as the day goes on. I’m having a ton of abdominal cramps. I am wondering if my cpap is contributing to my swallowed air. I need another sleep test. I’m to have them for every 20 lbs I gain or lose and I’ve lost 115 lbs without any follow up. It’s straight up due to my mobility. And, the pain therein.

And of course, just the stress. I feel stressed. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s the start of school again. I worry about my kids. My boy didn’t have a great year last year. Grade 7 sucks, though. I need to focus on being relaxed today. My breathing. Relaxing. Perhaps some organization if I can. I love that.

My corner of the bedroom is bringing me joy. I am organizing things so they are easily found and accessible. I have a bunch of trinkets and items to make me happy. Netflix on the television, my makeup organized and close by. Masks and makeup products. Some cool magnifying and fisheye lenses, a zebra striped cuddle blanket. Enough braces to brace an army. Iced tea and lip gloss.

Life is good.

💜

Dizziness

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I am so freaking dizzy! I can’t close my eyes anymore, I just can’t. I should be sleeping.

I fell in the bath today. I was crouching to get in, and I saw blackness, then splash! And then my back and shoulder on the left side started hurting. Which is annoying, because my back was doing pretty all right, considering I should have my shots tomorrow, Tuesday, if this is Monday, already. It’s 2:30 am.

I actually feel as if I am getting a period. This is weird. I have a Mirena, have had no problems, just treated for a yeast infection, have incredibly sore boobs, cramps, sore back, and twinges. Definitely not pregnant. I guess I have to trek to the doc. I wonder if weight loss has something to do with it. I’ve never used Mirena at this weight. Does it need time to adjust?

This dizziness is something else. I even THINK about looking up? Makes me sick. I hate people who post photos from planes or videos of skydiving? I start shaking. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.  Or from space? I want to vomit. I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow (no, wait. We decided it was today, right?) today. Someone is going to want me to look up at something…

I just tried to roll on my back facing up and I couldn’t. It makes the room spin. It’s so weird.

I was thinking again the other day… so dangerous, 😄 a couple of appointments ago I was trying to get a concept across to my mmj doctor. I was asking her about a stronger dose or another strain, although my distributor doesn’t do that, that would help me… and I couldn’t quite put my finger on the concept.

Relax.

Relax my muscles an perhaps let some of the tension in my body go. You cannot even fathom how rigid I hold my body. Even when I’m relaxing. I can’t drink, we can’t get massages, every time I do relax I get a fucking migraine, I can’t eat anything good, hot bath? How long does that last? I’m cooking to death in this room already, no heat for me. I hate cold, I snuggle up and watch comedians on Netflix. I’m still tense as fuck.

I can’t close my eyes, it makes me dizzy.

I’ve been trying for an hour to sleep.

Anyway, now I target each part of my body starting from the top or bottom, and relax each bit. It’s an exercise. Deep breathing, all that jazz.

My little corner of the universe is becoming quite becoming. I’m finding a lot of joy here. My makeup stash to my skincare stash, (PS, if you spend more than $100 on Korean skincare and masks, it is too much, and you will spend the next six years giving it to everyone who walks by. ) it’s all becoming accessible and organized and joyful. My clothes are slowly getting organized… that’s my daughter’s project, though, and she is taking forever!

Anyway, I need to try for 3 hours, and my elbow hurts! 😢

💜

Not-so-Brief Update

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I should be sleeping. People on TV aren’t really making sense anymore, and husband is snoring beside me. But I’m awake and my back hurts and my head feels as if a small Lego person is wielding a pickaxe and slamming it into the back of my head, right where it joins my neck. It’s wrapping around to my face, and I only feel good when I’m lightly biting on my mouth guard.

I spoke with my dietician today, and it looks like I’m down a bit more food. She is not qualified, of course, but she did confirm that it sort of sounds kind of like I’m tending towards gastroparesis, and I should see a gastroenterologist asap to get the tests.

  • Fatty foods are bothering me. Consistent with gastroparesis
  • Eat and drink alternately. I’m struggling, it’s cutting down on my food.
  • The pain I’m having is in my upper area, in my stomach, not bloating or flatulence.  Paired with nausea and vomiting, consistent with gastroparesis,

We spoke in depth, and until my stomach gets checked out, we are going to try garlic and onion just a miniscule bit. I am stopping anything fatty. I had some chips and oven baked hash browns make me sick.

I have tons of allergies, and damage to my throat due to acid damage, I’m very picky. So, it’s my fault really, I’m not eating such a varied diet.

I do have a Neurologist appointment for the beginning of October ❤ I just have to survive.

We put in the request for the gastroenterologist at the same time, so I am hoping it should appear shortly.  I’m such an optimist!

I went to bed at 2 pm yesterday and woke up at 7:30 This morning, for this appointment.  I woke up disoriented and started yelling. I didn’t expect to sleep so long. Husband took it personally. 😭 I felt awful. We need to work this out. He wants to go to our marriage counsellor,  but the person we were seeing I saw personally. Last I emailed her she answered really strangely. She took my words and quoted them, saying she was sorry I was feeling “awful”. This was right after my head pain, when it was really new and really bad. I was put off and not excited to deal with her again. I don’t know exactly why I was offended so much, but it almost feels like mocking. The mature person would ask about it. The mature person has more energy than I do, I think. I honestly think, she’s moved to a new office, under new rules and the rules may be stricter. But I’m really put off. If it is really important to him, I will suck it up, but it will be mentioned.

Speaking of which, husband paid me a strange yet flattering compliment via our son this weekend. Our son will be diagnosed with Autism when he returns to school in the fall, and he is currently seeing various therapists to assist with organization, motor control, etc. One therapist is leaving to move to a different facility and he had the choice to move with her or stay and work with another therapist. We expected him to make his dad do the talking, but he marched in (he’s 13, he usually goes into the session alone, but he’s not ready to travel alone. Not there, to school, yes. He’s about 11 in maturity, anyway) and essentially fired her. Did all the talking for the hour when he’s usually mute. My husband said that’s like me. I’m good at having the difficult conversations.

Like the time I had a pregnancy scare with my ex-husband? I found him at some stupid place he conned a friend into renting so they could play “office”. I pulled him outside saying “I need to talk to you!” Before I could say one word he said, “I know, you have AIDS.” I only wish I knew then that when people accuse you of something, they are always talking about themselves. I can’t believe how many more years I was in that stupid marriage, too. Definitely not pregnant. HIV-free too. Only 1 STD, and that wasn’t exactly consensual, KWIM. But it was the most easily cleared up thank goodness, no lasting effects. Phew! I wonder what risky behaviour he’d been up to? 🤔

I’m so tired I watched tv today. Just watched tv. Tired isn’t right. Uh. I don’t know the word.

If you’re bored, Naked on Netflix is hysterical. It stars Marlon Wayans Ass, I watched Leah Remini Scientology Series. My god her makeup is Divine! The Scott Petersen documentary about him killing his wife, where I’m supposed to think he’s innocent.  Pfft.

Ugh, I’m starting to have these brief, sharp pains in my upper right ribcage, under my boob when I take a really deep breath. I had it this morning, I thought I could find a good position, I don’t know. I should probably just zone out until I can see a doctor, have people keep checking on me and wipe me down every once in a while.

I am having such a tough time eating, too. I had to miss dinner because of the nausea. I had oatmeal, a half lunch plate of nachos (lactose-free cheese and corn based tortilla chips) the rest at 3:30, and water plus unsweetened iced tea. I’m nervous about this pattern and how long this will sustain me. Losing another 15 lbs would be so cool, but it’s gotta stop somewhere. It’s really not normal to have this metabolism at my age.

Ok. Midnight. I’m going to turn into a pumpkin.

But hey, I did two blog posts! If you are interested in beauty, check out my beauty blog, Squidge’s Beauty Haul this post is on The Ordinary skincare line.

 

Progress!

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Finally, some good news! After another hellish treatment with Botox, (actually it’s not the needles that hurt, it’s feeling around for the trigger points to inject, because even gentle pressure on areas of my body really hurts). And I need to tell you the story of my day, still, because it was funny, but I’m still worn out.

My doctor gave me a cream for my head pain and said I can actually use it anywhere. It’s a bizarre mixture of ketamine, gabapentin, and other stuff. So far it’s helping to a certain degree. It may take time, though. I tried it first on Wednesday, and was immediately sick. But then the pain subsided slowly.

I tried it on my stomach last night and this morning. This morning, I was immediately ill. I may need to ramp up even slower. I don’t know quite how, except one part at a time. You only use a half a pea size amount per small area. My entire abdomen takes 1.5 pea sized amounts.

So, I guess this stuff is pretty strong? Or I’m just sick by coincidence, which is possible, because I hurt to be touched and my husband was rubbing some of the sorest spots on my body. Gently, but, sore nonetheless.

Just a bit about my doctor appointment from Tuesday: after we did the treatment, we had a chance to talk, and my doctor is concerned about my head and neck pain. He is sending me to a neurologist, even though he is one himself, he doesn’t have time to deal with this, his hands are full. The neurologist will consider a nerve block, likely, but will investigate the source of the pain.

My husband asked him what we should do in future with pain like this, and he shrugged without shrugging. It very much depends on my health, the danger, circumstances, everything, really. Am I in pain? What do I need? What am I looking for? So I asked if I should have gone for my head. He told me he won’t know until they find out what’s wrong. There ya go.

Last bit of gossip is we discussed my gastroenterology problem. I am now down close to 120 lbs. There is no way at nearly 47 years old I should be bedridden and losing two lbs a week. It makes no sense, metabolically. At about 193 lbs now, I’m only 25 lbs overweight. That blows my mind. I’m glad I’m getting something out of this. Um. I hope it stops somewhere. Anyway, my doctor agreed, and said this should be another priority. I then looked at him and said, this isn’t making sense. This doesn’t sound like just EDS. Something else is going on here. He was silent. He went back to writing scripts. He then said, I think you’re right. I haven’t seen anything like this, it’s progressing too fast to be just EDS.

Sleeping is easier.

Have a stellar day, Zebras! 😘

Needle Day

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The past couple of days I’ve been in just incredible pain. It feels as if someone has been standing on my shoulder trying to chop my head off. It has been incredibly painful. Fortunately,  I had my Botox treatments yesterday, and they help immensely. I’m waiting for the juice to kick in, but they mix it with lidocaine, which helps.

He got my jaw and pubic bone good this time, I screamed at the pubic bone shot. He felt for the trigger point, I’ve known this doc for years, or it may have been my husband, they work together now. It’s sweet. I love the way my husband gives the doctor advice and he actually takes it. Aspergers isn’t all bad, also, being white, 6’5″ highly intelligent, male, and used to people listening to you helps. I’m usually in too much pain to do much more than grunt or squeak.  Husband translates. 😂

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The end of the session. My doctor ran out of there. I don’t think he likes my screaming. It is kind of intense. Not fun for me, either. You know how they say beauty is pain? So is walking.

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Since I only go out for doctor’s appointments, we commemorated the occasion of being fully dressed with a photo! This was before I learned the horrible news. Here’s my dilemma. My home scale says I’m 200.0 lbs exactly. It measures Andrew to what we’ve found is the proper weight on almost every scale. I went to the doctor’s office and was in a room I’m in only maybe 1/4 of the time. That scale weighed me at 210.0 lbs. Which one do I go by? The one I have access to? Or the one shoved in a corner that had files on it that I don’t even know is in use? 🤔 puzzled. (If this is my largest problem? Thank the Lord! Right!?!?)

My doctor is sending me to the EDS clinic at another hospital, which is confusing, because I thought he was starting an EDS clinic. Either that fell through, or we will have two? We can’t have two. He said the wait list wouldn’t be long, so that’s reassuring. I am starting to enjoy things and pains is getting in the way.

I enjoyed nesting this weekend. It was very enjoyable. I rested yesterday. I was hoping to come home and do some things, but no. That was too much.

My son came and cuddled with me. It was nice. I need more of that. 😊😊😊

Have a lovely day, Zebra friends!