Hellooo Nurse!

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Finally, after being in pain all week, one of my friends on here (I don’t know if she wants recognition or not) convinced me to convince husband it was time to get me checked out.

Now we haven’t done nothing, I know my husband put in an urgent call to my regular gynecologist on Monday morning.  We still haven’t heard back. My GP is on holiday the last few weeks of August, with no cover. We would have called telehealth, but they always tell you to go to the hospital.

WARNING: I WILL GET GRAPHIC ABOUT LADYBITS 

I don’t entirely blame my husband, although he sure blames himself. If I had said the pain was bad, we need to go, we would have gone. However, I have a cold as well, with that sore throat. All I want to do is sleep. So I really minimized the pain, as I hoped it would go away.

At first, because I had spotting, I didn’t worry. Then it got heavier, and heavier, with the pain, our theory was my Mirena IUD had started burrowing its way to freedom.

I arrived at the hospital. The one I go to for pain management,  and the ER was fairly quiet. Score! I sat down with one of the nurses,  Matthew, he was a sweetie, even though he couldn’t spell Ehlers Danlos. He thought ahead and put me somewhere where I didn’t have to get up and down. My husband asked right away if there was a place I could lie down and I was able to lie on a stretcher the waiting room. It made such a difference!

I was transferred to a room, like an ER bay, because you know the pelvic exam is coming…

The doctor came in and did a preliminary outward examination of me. When he got to my back, I screamed. I didn’t know that. Well, I guess that hurts.

Apparently, on my chart, it has huge notes all over saying DO NOT DO A PELVIC EXAM UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! This is because pelvic exams hurt me. Very badly. The doctor, realizing this and seeing the preliminary exam, orders 6 mg? Of morphine before we go any further. What a sane and sensible man!

Later, he comes back to do the pelvic exam, and can’t find anything too dramatic. Takes swabs.

Next is a pelvic ultrasound. I have done this a billion times. The technician is awesome. It hurts much less than it has in the past. In the past, I’m not on morphine.

We arrived around 10:30, it is now around 3:30, husband decides to grab some food because we have a lull. This is where everything happens.

The doctor comes in while husband is gone and informs me that the ultrasound shows my Mirena is in the right place, no problems there.

The doc comes back 3 minutes later to tell me there is no indication this is anything but an endometriosis flare up. However, because there was discharge and bleeding there is a small chance there is an infection. They have the culture, but it takes 48 hours to grow, they will call me and we will prescribe something then. Otherwise, many women still get their period with Mirena, (all of a sudden, after 13 years?) that’s what this may be, go home. Follow up with your doctor, you need more pain medicine.

So, fine, we were getting up to go and wending our way through the maze of stretchers and some bitch sitting on her boyfriends stretcher had seen us coming out of the room and stretched her foot out to kick me as I went past. Nice. Bitches in this city.

So, anyway, I’m frustrated. I feel like I’m back at the drawing board. I thought I had this sorted, and it’s reared its ugly head. I need to meet with my doctor, but she’s near impossible to get an appointment with.  So, I’m going to need to consider another doctor. That’s first up.

I don’t think I want a hysterectomy. All advice to date has indicated I’m in pseudo-menopause now. Having my organs removed won’t make a difference to the pain, but will for other things. Will have to discuss with the doctor I end up with.

In terms of diet, I am on FODMAP, and can’t really change that. It’s been suggested I go vegetarian, or fish-based, but I’m allergic to fish, I’m allergic to legumes, which screws up vegetarianism. But I am also allergic to soy. So I’m very picky about my food. I only eat about two dozen items, and most are well vetted for proper growing technique.

Once again, spending the long weekend resting up. I suppose we tackle this new adventure on Tuesday.

I’m going to rest. So tired.

💜

Dizziness

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I am so freaking dizzy! I can’t close my eyes anymore, I just can’t. I should be sleeping.

I fell in the bath today. I was crouching to get in, and I saw blackness, then splash! And then my back and shoulder on the left side started hurting. Which is annoying, because my back was doing pretty all right, considering I should have my shots tomorrow, Tuesday, if this is Monday, already. It’s 2:30 am.

I actually feel as if I am getting a period. This is weird. I have a Mirena, have had no problems, just treated for a yeast infection, have incredibly sore boobs, cramps, sore back, and twinges. Definitely not pregnant. I guess I have to trek to the doc. I wonder if weight loss has something to do with it. I’ve never used Mirena at this weight. Does it need time to adjust?

This dizziness is something else. I even THINK about looking up? Makes me sick. I hate people who post photos from planes or videos of skydiving? I start shaking. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.  Or from space? I want to vomit. I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow (no, wait. We decided it was today, right?) today. Someone is going to want me to look up at something…

I just tried to roll on my back facing up and I couldn’t. It makes the room spin. It’s so weird.

I was thinking again the other day… so dangerous, 😄 a couple of appointments ago I was trying to get a concept across to my mmj doctor. I was asking her about a stronger dose or another strain, although my distributor doesn’t do that, that would help me… and I couldn’t quite put my finger on the concept.

Relax.

Relax my muscles an perhaps let some of the tension in my body go. You cannot even fathom how rigid I hold my body. Even when I’m relaxing. I can’t drink, we can’t get massages, every time I do relax I get a fucking migraine, I can’t eat anything good, hot bath? How long does that last? I’m cooking to death in this room already, no heat for me. I hate cold, I snuggle up and watch comedians on Netflix. I’m still tense as fuck.

I can’t close my eyes, it makes me dizzy.

I’ve been trying for an hour to sleep.

Anyway, now I target each part of my body starting from the top or bottom, and relax each bit. It’s an exercise. Deep breathing, all that jazz.

My little corner of the universe is becoming quite becoming. I’m finding a lot of joy here. My makeup stash to my skincare stash, (PS, if you spend more than $100 on Korean skincare and masks, it is too much, and you will spend the next six years giving it to everyone who walks by. ) it’s all becoming accessible and organized and joyful. My clothes are slowly getting organized… that’s my daughter’s project, though, and she is taking forever!

Anyway, I need to try for 3 hours, and my elbow hurts! 😢

💜

Wonderful Things

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My family has been treating me so wonderfully the past couple of weeks. Let’s enumerate the wonderful things they’ve done for me:

My husband:

  • Has gone to the post office to retrieve numerous packages for me
  • Has found the money to allow me to shop my brains out, since it’s just about the only thing I have time and patience for. Plus Zebra outfits!
  • He brought home French Fries for me even though they were out of his way and it was late at night and he was tired
  • He got out of the warm shower to grab me a barf bucket
  • He watched an episode of South Park just because I asked
  • He has run so many errands for me, I can’t even count them!

 

My Daughter, 15

  • She has been filling my water bottles regularly
  • Listening to my exciting stories even when she’s bored
  • Checking up on me to make sure I have everything
  • Bringing me breakfast during the week

 

My Son, 13 in 6 days!

  • He has been keeping my water bottles full
  • He has been spending time with me, like the two hours last night where he snuggled and watched TV and chatted
  • Remembering not to hug me without asking, because I’m so sore
  • Bringing my coffee in the morning on weekends

 

My family has been awesome. Except for:

 

Husband:

  • Forgetting about me in the bathtub and nobody hearing me yelling about getting the shower head down, so I had to wash my hair under the tap. It was a bit uncomfortable, but not the end of the world. I did have fun teasing him about it, though! 😄

I prefer to get help in and out of the tub as I’ve been so shaky lately.  I don’t need that much assistance, just someone to ‘catch’ me, really, if I start to go over. Or call 9-1-1 if I pass out. I’m still so weak from whatever is going on with me.

I hope you enjoyed my glimpse into my family. Are you interested in my Sephora Haul? I can either show a photo here, or link my Beauty Blog post. Let me know.

 

Stay healthy Zebras! 😘

 

 

Worn Out – Part Two

I wanted to add some things to my earlier post. Some caveats, per se.

It’s certainly not everyone who contacts me on Facebook messenger or interacts with me that has been a problem or has been selling to me, let me be clear. I have made a number of new friends with people I have in common with others, and it’s been a lot of fun getting to know people. I’ve had several message me and want to chat, and I welcome that. Approximately 75% have been respectful. 5% have been perverts. 5% have been ‘you need to do this…’ types, and 15% are sales.

I do not mind being approached by people I have known for even a few months. They are generally nice, they converse, they continue to speak to me.

But when I’m added to a Facebook group about healthy weight loss through diet and exercise, or the best entertaining recipes..it’s like you don’t even know me. I’ve been added to seven Lula roe groups and I don’t think those things fit me. They are not pajamas or people clothes. Nix.

I suppose it’s just added to my long week that every second day someone was asking for something. Thursday, I think, some lady I had just recently friended was asking how many wraps or shakes I wanted. Since I’ve been subsisting on cookies and almonds this week, none, thanks! 😢😢😢 I had never spoken to her before, I didn’t answer and she hasn’t been back. What I think bothers me is there doesn’t seem to be any interest in pursuing any other relationship. I’m slightly put off by that. Of course, I’m deleting and blocking so they can’t re-add me, but, it’s so…defeating.

It’s not as many people as it feels like, it’s just been a few in a week. And when they disappear because I’m not a customer, before I get rid of them, I feel rejected. There have been a lot of friends who do check in and stick around and I do know this. I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time all week.

I often play into that goofy, ditzy, on-her-meds stereotype because it’s easier than calling people out on their bullshit.

I put a care package together for my Mom, and I was so excited, it took a lot to collect everything and mail it. It got to her, and I was so busy with the kids I didn’t get to call. Finally I did, and it was all complaints. The package had sat in the box for a week. The chocolate almonds I sent were stale. (I had some, I thought they were good) then she said she probably doesn’t like chocolate. Oh, hey! Have I heard from my sister? 😔 I don’t expect everybody to be happy all of the time. But every single person this week seemed to be having a bad day. And I was so disappointed I had let her down. I had ripped apart the bedroom to find the kids’ school pictures, sourced a special wash cloth for her, and when my friend’s son was selling chocolate almonds, grabbed an extra two boxes and didn’t even eat them! I know, it had nothing to do with that. I know that in my head. She doesn’t have an easy life. And when I tried to do something good, I fail.

Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m okay to treat however because they assume I don’t have any real responsibilities. 

I’m so sorry I’m so cranky. My neck is really sore. My pain was down around a 5 all last week and now it’s at a 8.5. My knees are clicking, my elbows. I can’t get warm. Husband has the children all week, so I can hide from the world. I’ve been shopping. Ugh. I’m over my budget, and I’m finding things I ‘need’. The only thing I think I could do for extra money is cam girl. I know I have a limit to my earnings. I’d be surprised if I could drum up enough interest in…I don’t know what I’d do? Blog? Put on makeup live? Yay? Is there a Fetish…oh rule 34…let perverts watch me sleep? 😐 maybe I will cut down on shopping…. yes I think that is the better decision all around.

I am aching so much right now. I am going to start the breakthrough medication I’m prescribed tomorrow, I think. I will have to order my cannabis in the morning. On a whim, I decided to check to see if I could order, and I can. No email as promised. I am ticked. I was spoken to like I was asking to get my new teapot a day early, and was firmly told Monday, be patient and I would get an email, but here it is Sunday, no email, I’m too tired and on meds to do it right, and here it is. How long has it been there?

I have a headache that feels under my scalp, my neck hurts, I can’t warm up. My joints are so achy. My wrists and elbows. My jaw. My pubic bone my right abdominal side, any movement means I want to cry out. This week is about rejuvenation and healing and rest. And trying to eat more than cookies. And almonds. No other food wants to stay down. We order our pizza on Sundays, gluten-free, lactose free, and I enjoyed it. But i had to lie down for an hour. Everything I ate, every bite today, I needed to lie down. So, I will be having fun with that. Plus, online shopping to a minimum. Or none at all. Except for the Urban Decay launch on the 23rd.

I’m going to try to keep my voice from sounding simply snarky and give a reason for that anger, if that makes sense?  I’m a bit reflective these days. In the morning when I’m up and medicated, it may help as well. I may have some time to relax and zen. ☺ It’s difficult to convey your true inner self when you’re in pain. Maslow’s hierarchy and all that.

I’m crying from pain and frustration, but going to try to sleep.

Goal for tomorrow is painting my toenails! 😄

Have a gorgeous moment today, Zebras. Just one. 😘

 

Happily Dragging my Behind

I have been so tired the past couple of days, but no rest for the giphywicked! I ended up sleeping most of Thursday afternoon. By the time I settled in, it was close to 1:00 and my husband woke me when he and the boy returned from physical therapy at 7:00. It felt so good! I had no trouble sleeping except I was excited for makeup the next day.

I’m finding this problem with sleeping pills. Either they are not strong enough, where they don’t help me sleep, then the next one up is good, but I need a nap the next day, and I can fall asleep on a dime. There is nothing in between.

My daughter wanted to watch some horror movies, but not really scary ones, just scary enough they were interesting, and not too scary she would have nightmares. So we watched one called #Horror, also known as Hashtag Horror or Slashtag about a group of 12 year old girls who bully each other and then start dying. It’s very strange. Stars Natasha Lyonne and Chloe Sevigny.

We then watched The Girls in the Photographs. This was not bad. Not great. Another weird one. Creepy. Kal Penn is a photographer, character is based on Terry Richardson. Yes I read IMDB! 😄

By that time, I’d had enough peopling, so I decided to do my wp-1489850277865.jpgnails for the first time in years! I found it surprisingly easy. Even though my hands were so very stiff. I had to move them into position for the photo! 😃 I love having painted nails. They give me a little thrill every time I look at them. It makes me smile. I have found a couple of brands that do not smell to odoriferous, so I stick to those, mostly. The more you keep them out of hot water, the better the polish stays, redo your top coat every second day or so, and basecoat are my tips to make your polish last. And don’t forget to lightly go over the end of the nail with your topcoat! It’s called ‘capping the end’ and it helps prevent wear.

I called my marijuana provider to find out when my paperwork was going to be finished so I can reorder. I’m supposed to order today, but my doctor appointment was just on Tuesday, paperwork isn’t done blah blah blah, still have shipping, blah, anyway, she said I’d get an email when it was finished.

Me: When will that be?

Rep: Soon.

Me: Are we talking hours or days?

Rep: By Monday.

Me: I need to order tomorrow.

Rep: Yeah, it’s all here, I’ll have it done by Monday.

Me: I’m going to run out!

Rep: Monday.

Lovely. I’ve never, ever been treated like that by CanniMed before. It makes me nervous when my new doctor says “vape when you need to” and my usually good distributor is shrugging. When my husband called to get receipts earlier this week they were great! I feel betrayed. I realize it isn’t that bad, but sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. I’m dependant on these drugs to be a human being with a life. There is also the shipping delay, and having to get these items to my house. They don’t teleport.

Today I got up early, at 8:00. I’m deep conditioning my hair, I’ve vaped, had breakfast, getting ready for my bath. My daughter wants to watch another movie this afternoon, but with the house quiet, she also wants time to herself. I’m not sure what will win out.

I’m so dehydrated my lips are cracking, so I need to focus on this. In fact, I feel really unfocused. I feel like I’m behind on reading blogs, answering email, I haven’t called my mom in ages. I generally feel like I’m running to catch up. I think having the monsters home at spring break has left me a bit peopled out for a bit. I’m used to more alone time.

I’m afraid now, every time someone contacts me on Facebook messenger, they are going to try to sell me something. 😔

Have a glorious day, Zebras!

 

 

Wednesday!

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Having a restful day relaxing and recovering from yesterday and my doctor appointment adventure. I’m awfully tired today. Very sore, but feeling good otherwise. My hands are unruly, though. It’s like trying to type with mannequin hands. They are so stiff, and kind of sore.

My son had to watch the documentary movie Supersize Me for school, so we watched it together. He has so much homework to do while on break, but I don’t think he’s touched much of it. I know he was supposed to have a bath today, and has ignored all requests to get in and do that. Dad will have to yell, I suppose.

My husband called about that ridiculous taxi driver who was so obnoxious yesterday, and it turns out he is suspended. The company apparently has been having problems with him, but they can’t really prevent him from getting into one of their cars and driving, he’s just not sanctioned. Nice to know, staying home forever now. 😂

I put up a photo of my new highlighter set and got a comment on my Instagram from said highlighter creator, and my favourite makeup guru Pat McGrath, so I am in seventh heaven today! I took some time to play and I had a good relaxing fun experience.

My television cable box  connection has been broken since yesterday. This isn’t enormous, but I get a ringing in my ears and I like some television noise to drown it out. Music is jarring to me, for some reason and that really upsets me. I miss it. I can only listen to things in a certain tone and if it gets too high-pitched, I just cringe. Also, at a certain point I flake. With no TV, I keep on going… not good.

My friend since high school sent me the most touching note. I’m just … I need a few days sometimes between when something happens and thanking someone. I need time to let my emotions settle. It was so beautiful. I’m going to keep that note forever. ❤

Today was a comfortable day, despite the pain. I don’t know if that even makes sense.

Have a lovely day, Zebra friends! 😙