Things Aren’t Happy

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This gif reminds me there is no one missing from our family. Things aren’t quite so dire. There are always people who are more in need than we are. We should remember them, at this time, and at all times. Drop someone a note. It really will make their day.

However, on to my tale of woe! ๐Ÿคฃ The past few days I have been sleeping. Waking occaionally to vomit. Yesterday, I was well enough to watch tv with my daughter, and had to use the washroom. Oy! Pardon the grossness, but I pooped a Christmas tree! I was vomiting, thank goodness my husband was working from home, I had my daughter rescue him from a conference call – I honestly thought it was hospital time. Now, I used to have problems with constipation. ย So bad that I would have to take an injection to reverse the opiods so I could go. I was going everyday this week! I didn’t eat, though, much. So strange. I feel horrible still. I am hoping things improve. It sounds like the flu, right? Nah, just more intense version of my everyday. I’m cold, hot and I can’t stop shaking.

As for Christmas gifts, we celebrate Christmas, I have been ordering things, but I don’t remember what I bought for who or what. I haven’t maxed out my card, so we seem to be okay, but the boxes that are arriving? There’s a lot! What have I done? What do I need to wrap? Oh God help me. Next week will be brutal.

I have managed to escape the in-laws Christmas dinner. My husband has finally gotten across I’m too ill. My MIL understands, apparently, because we share symptoms. No, it doesnt bother me she’s 85. ๐Ÿ™„ However, she used to scream at my husband for helping me in any way. It’s best if I sit it out. It’s an hour each way. I can’t do it. My mother asked me if I was coming for Christmas. Even after I explained. They live an hour and 20 away. I wish people got this, ya know. LISTEN!

I wish I could stop obsessing about where my friends have disappeared to. I realize it’s the holidays, and I don’t expect to hear from people now, but… yeah. It’s pretty lonely here. I wish I was much more of an introvert. I need to work on this. I bought some therapy journals, and I hope they provide some distraction.

I’m working on getting some doctors working on these issues. Well, my husband is. It is not going well. I was rejected by one doctor because I have not been diagnosed with Chrohn’s disease. So new GI, go through the waiting list. I’m burping almost constantly, even water is painful to drink, and I have a huge pain the size of my fist on the right side that hurts when food moves around that bend. I’ve had it checked out gynecologically six ways, so we are confident it’s a GI thing.

This weekend, I think we try to put up the tree. I hope the minions can get it done. My kids are stuggling pretty hard with school. But they deserve privacy.

My husband actually showed them my Christmas tree poop yesterday! Part biology lesson, part ‘yes Mommy really is sick, this is evidence’ not that they doubted, but he’s so matter of fact, he just carries on! ๐Ÿ˜† They are 15 and 13, so it wasn’t torture and they could have told him to take a flying leap. I wondered about it, but seriously, what if they were home alone with me one day and I had a fecal accident. It hasn’t happened yet, but it might. They will be a lot more prepared, and just thankful it is a normal colour!

That’s probably enough rambling from me today. Make sure you reach out to someone you love today. December can be cold and lonely.

โค

 

Hang Head, Feel Shame.

I have been so neglectful of keeping you updated, I really should be ashamed of myself. However, I have experienced a very disruptive two weeks, and I am merely catching up now.

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Firstly, today is my 47th birthday. (Cheers, applause) I take birthdays pretty darn seriously. I always have. Partly, because it gives me an excuse for self-care, which is not something I allow myself on a regular basis, although I am getting much better. I tend to celebrate myself for a week or a month. Depending. I have never celebrated my birthday with a party as an adult. I only had a couple of parties as a kid, then we had the family parties where we celebrated everyone’s birthday that month. In my 20s, we were too poor and I was always working, then babies and now I’m eating so funny, and I can never get anyone together. The banking industry has its year-end on October 31, so most of my friends were really busy these past two weeks to a month. Including my husband. I hope he starts coming to bed before I’m on my last leg now!

Enough of that whining, Sephora started their Rouge Sale this morning, so I saved up for ages! Bought tons of goodies! Yay! Toys!

It seems my Botox kicked in on Monday sometime. So I’m feeling much better. I need to be very careful and ensure I lie down, avoid stress, eat properly, relax, rest, but as long as I take care I have a lot of improvement. I’m excited for Christmas!

It seems our son may not have autism. He was evaluated with the school psychologist, and while he presents as autistic, he is very anxious and has some serious learning disabilities we are trying to negotiate. They involve information processing and executive function. Once these are rectified, he may do just fine, and the autistic appearance will hopefully fall away. If it doesn’t, then he is autistic and we have more to work on.

Still having trouble with daughter attending school regularly. Her anxiety is just overwhelming.

So that’s what has been occupying my day to day. Both kids have needed more time from me, so I’ve been there for them. I’m tired today. Mellow. This afternoon cries for a nap.

I did have some fun with Halloween costumes.

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Beware the Rainbow Kitty!

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Who’s the cutest zebra you’ve ever seen? ๐Ÿ˜›

Hope you had a great Halloween!!!

Here’s hoping things get back to ‘normal’ lol!

๐Ÿ’œ

 

Drowning in Exhaustion

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My migraine finally broke last night, but it’s been flirting around the edges of my brain, threatening to return with one wrong move.

Every day I start out happy and full of promise. With pain, of course, but I have plans for things to do, and stuff I want to accomplish! Soon, though, I’m worn out and wondering how much I can still push through. Trouble is, when I’m trying to take photos of the makeup I’ve accomplished, you can see the pain in my face if I push it too much. I suppose it’s a way of keeping me from too much.

I finally had a full bath today, instead of a sponge bath. It’s been tough to get in there, I’m so cold all the time. I feel better now. It took me ten minutes just to get warm. My lovely daughter babysat. I need help running the bath, and I like someone to stay on the second floor with me, so when I get out, in case I slip they can help. I’ve got such great kids. They don’t complain much.

My husband has been so exhausted lately. I miss him. I could barely speak when he came to bed last night. There are so many things I want to do with him (that too) but I’d like to start with a hug, or putting my head on his chest. I can’t get close enough to him yet. I’m too sore. He’s too stressed. The other day my daughter noticed a pair of my underwear that must have fallen when my husband went to put laundry away. It was kind of near the bed, not really obvious. She handed them to me, to which I cheekily replied, “oh, there those are! Wild night last night!” She’s 15, our bedroom doesn’t have a door and is right next to her bedroom. She gave me the ‘yeah, right’ face. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Okay, trying to catch up with everyone. I’m thinking of you!

Have a wonderful evening, Zebras! ๐Ÿ˜˜

 

 

The Fog Lifts

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I have no idea what this gif is about, but I thought it was adorable.

I woke up this morning to more energy. I had to be careful to not go overboard and try to do everything, but I did get an impressive amount done, including a look for tomorrow’s Instagram, a Facebook live, which I’ve never done before, that was fun, and some organization stuff I wanted to do. I chatted on Facebook for a bit, nice to talk to people. I’m feeling more comfortable, not as picked at, I must be feeling better.

I called my Mom, to tell her about a nail polish I’d found by Smith and Cult called Birdie Num Num. If you’ve seen the movie The Party starring Peter Sellers, you’ll get the reference. I laughed so hard! I love that movie! It’s a family favorite, a good memory, as my Dad was well-ish at the time. He could at least laugh. It was before depression really took his personality. ย I’ve so overspent this month Mom offered to buy it for me! So sweet! The brand doesn’t ship here, it’s tough to get, but I found it, so…yay!

I did some ambien shopping last night. I get dozy and shop and don’t remember in the morning. It does come back to me. My husband was complicit, I remember him helping. I bought a bunch of cheap eyelashes to test the quality. They should be fun to play with. I spent about $35. Then there was early in the day when I overspent at Beautylish. I was trying to buy the Jeffree Star Manny/ย MUA collaboration, but I wasn’t sure what the total would be, and I had to be over $100 for expedited shipping. However, my son had a crisis as I was trying to put everything into my cart, and I forgot to take extra things out, so I bought more than I planned. We will survive, I just can’t get away with this excuse every month. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Other than that, it’s been a good day. I took my migraines medicine finally. I think that was smart. I am having incredible neck pain, and I think it may have something to do with the bralettes I’ve been wearing this week. I had husband pick up a couple of sports bras, they are slightly big so they don’t irritate my stomach, but my neck aches. I’m very large busted. My breasts have been sore, so I want them controlled, but anything I wear hurts my neck. I’m at a loss. Ace bandage? ๐Ÿ˜ƒ I will bring this forward at the EDS clinic.

I’m glad I don’t feel quite as bone-weary as I did yesterday. That’s an absolutely frightening feeling.

Have a great evening, Zebra loves! ๐Ÿ˜˜

 

Stumbling Around in the Light

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Good God I’m tired. I woke up this morning feeling well. I had energy. I made plans! I finished my vaping and decided to call my Mom as I hadn’t called her in ages. Halfway through the call, I lost all my energy. It just disappeared. I was so disappointed. ย I had planned to do some fun makeup things, prep for Instagram and my Beauty Blog. It was not meant to be. I ended up trying to cry, but I was too tired to produce tears.

I had another three hour nap this afternoon. I put on some golf to listen to, and was out.

So I’m currently sitting amongst makeup detritus, waiting for my husband to come to bed so we can snuggle and I can go to sleep again.

I picked up a phone message yesterday and it seems my gastroenterologist from hell retired at the end of March. Everyone knew this but me, apparently, I guess I was trying too hard to stay upright I didn’t see the signs posted in the office, and husband didn’t mention it. I’m annoyed and relieved. It explains why he gave no fucks. Likely why he wasn’t interested in a long term patient. Let’s start over, shall we? Sounds like fun.

I have so much to do, so much to say, stuff to do, and zero energy. Ugh.

Is there such a thing as like medicinal energy drinks? Medicinal meth? In my day it was cocaine I guess. I was thinking, what speeds you up? Speed? ย Lol. I’m soo into drug culture, can you tell? I had a friend who used to show up with pot in high school. Perfect with the pain of my menstrual cramps, we now know I have endometriosis, but that’s all the unprescribed drugs I took. I can feel crappy all on my own.

One Facebook friend? had a status today that read 90% of illness is emotionally related. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

I read one of those anecdote collection of medical stories, and it told of this one student who was sitting behind another student who pulled out a bottle of Tylenol and counted out 8 pills and went to swallow them before he stopped her and asked what she was doing. She said her pain was at an 8, so she was taking 8 tablets. That’s why doctors ask you to rate your pain out of 10, right? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Scary.

Okay. I’m worn out. My hands are feeling good from all the rest, they’re just cold! ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a lovely evening, my Zebras! ๐Ÿ˜˜

 

I Need a Reboot

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I was feeling pretty okay today, considering it’s just less than a week before my Botox, and traditionally I’m feeling rough the week to ten days before that appointment. Usually I’m as I was at the beginning of the week, exhausted, unable to move much, napping a lot. Just generally miserable and in pain. It seems the mmj adjustment is helping. I felt a lot better today, and was able to distract myself with the makeup blog and some looks. I didn’t even exhaust myself. My neck was very sore, and my head hurt, but I didn’t think about it.

One thing that disturbs me is in took some photos for Instagram the other day, and I was very tired. When I looked at the photos, my eyes were the aligned. I looked at more photos and you can see the more tired I am, the worker my eyes are. These were bad, though. I will bring it up to my eye doctor when I see him in a couple of weeks.

After I relaxed for today, my husband took our son to therapy. I had dinner, daughter is downstairs at her homework, when all of a sudden I had a cramp in my lower right quadrant that took my breath away. And then another. It’s like some invisible toddler is stabbing me. I have no idea what is happening, but it’s painful. Since my pot doctor said to vape, I’m vaping. The intensity of the pain might actually send me to the hospital if I thought they would know what to do with me. It’s not my appendix. I don’t have a fever, chances are good it’s not something acute, most likely something ripping. An adhesion? But things can change, so husband is aware.

Of course, since my husband had the winter tires taken off the car yesterday, we are in the midst of a spring blizzard. He was going to pick up the car tonight, but he may just come home. I want to snuggle.

I’m just going to flake for the evening and watch garbage TV.

I want to finish vaping, take my medication and go to sleep. Thank goodness my body likes sleeping. I’m very lucky.

Have a lovely day Zebra pals! ๐Ÿ˜˜

 

PS. My predictive text is super aggressive and I just can’t fight with it today. Sometimes, yes. I do mean i, not in. Or it. Or I do mean the word I actually say. ๐Ÿ–• I have been using this emotional and lot this week. Again. Emoji. ย Yes, I know, I can choose the word in the bar above. My Lenovo never did this…

 

Gobsmacked!

giphy2OK! First off, let me start by saying the weather here is icky pants. It is +10C today and will be -5C tomorrow, so I am very achy and very medicated. I’m a bit jumbled in my wording, but not inaccurate, if that makes sense. My husband warned me about the weather this morning and told me even his hips were aching. ๐Ÿ˜”

OK. So, the other day I had mentioned how I was disappointed with the treatment I had received from the customer service at my marijuana distributor. Just to be absolutely clear, I wasn’t so much upset with the delay in getting the paperwork done, because I happened to peek online, and it was finished on Sunday night. But by the time I remembered to check, I’d had my sleeping pill, and it was kicking in. The issue I was upset with was the seeming lack of care the person had when I was speaking with her. What became a problem is I didn’t receive an email letting me know my order was ready to go, because if it was there Sunday evening, it was likely there since sometime Saturday, and I would have been further up the queue, however… I didn’t get to order until Monday evening because I needed my husband’s help, since I have trouble remembering what I am supposed to buy. This really is probably moot since they are pretty fast, though.

Anyway ๐Ÿ˜„ the impressive part is that one of the customer service team at Cannimed reached out to me after seeing my complaint on my blog and asked me about my experience, and I explained how I understand how professionals sometimes need to detach when dealing with chronic pain patients, but when we get that every day it feels like we are being blown off. That not receiving my email was a problem, I counted on that. He then returned my email and said he would follow up with the rep in a non disciplinary way (good!) and find out what their perspective is, which I think is awesome.

The reason this may sound innocuous as a customer service experience that I’m complaining about is because it’s not the standard I’m used to from them. Last week my husband needed the receipts for my expenditure for 2016, he didn’t even know if we could get them. I was sick, so he called. Boom! Less than 10 minutes, I had the email and a follow up call.

What other company Googles themselves so they can provide customer service? I received this email at 10 pm. EST. Maybe 7 or 8 their time? I can’t remember if they are…oh wait 9? They are in Saskatchewan, they shouldn’t have been in the office, anyway. I’m impressed all to heck. They have been super, so this, what seems normal from Walmart, is an aberration from them.

I think, if I can get it by Friday? I should have enough. But my doctor is saying vape at will! I don’t know how this will work.

Yesterday’s nap ended up being all that happened, but it was gorgeous and I loved it. Naps are only for very lucky people who deserve them very much. ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

My husband has arranged with work to start at 9:00 instead of 7:30 so he can walk our son to school. At least he is getting there. Prayers welcome.

Let’s see what today brings…

Have a gorgeous day, Zebras! ๐Ÿ˜˜