I’m a 10 out of 10

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You know you’re gearing up for a migraine when you lecture a stranger in your dream for wearing too much perfume. I even gave her the speech on the proper distance you should be from someone before you first detect it. I was quite thorough. The proper distance, by the way, is conversational distance. That is where you should first detect someone else’s fragrance. ย None of this where they walk into the establishment and you can taste it before you even see the person nonsense.

Anyway, I tried to play with makeup yesterday, but the migraine started creeping up. I continued, because it had been over a week! I played for a bit, then finally had a nap. Slept from 1 pm until 8:30 pm when my husband came to bed. I was so restless and uncomfortable. ย I couldn’t settle my stomach. I didn’t have anything solid yesterday except for oatmeal for breakfast.

I couldn’t sleep last night, I was just awake, restless. I keep trying. I’d dissolve into tears every once in a while, the pain was so bad, and then it would dissipate. Then ramp up. Ugh. I would lie there, just trying to be still, trying to distract myself. Reading cat memes. Reading long form news stories.

I was supposed to have Botox injections for migraine and for pain management on August 22-ish. ย Since then the migraines are back, I’ve had my first period in fourteen years, (Mirena) and I’m wracked with pain.

I have not heard back from the pain clinic. Realistically, it’s been 3 weeks? I think? It feels like an eternity. I feel like most of the pain right now is in the back of my head, whatever we are dealing with there. One month until my neurologist appointment.

It’s also been close enough to a month that I believe it is time to start harassing the EDS clinic again. I think we shall do those things, see where that leads us.

I’m interested to see if I have a period next month. The question: was the Botox contributing to my lack of menses? How? Dunno. Correlation does not equal causation yeah yeah. We will see.

Let’s tackle one thing at a time. I will certainly bring it up at the EDS clinic, I don’t know if they have a GYN on staff, but I will ask for a referral straight away, as well as for a gastroenterologist, as that doesn’t seem to be happening either.

Happily, however, my stomach seems to have settled and I no longer feel like throwing up my toenails. Yay Gravol!

Short term, I don’t seem to be sleepy. Or I am already dead. I occasionally find a comfy spot and all is happy for a while, so things aren’t terrible. I’m going to focus on medicating myself today, listening to podcasts, and maybe tv if I can. Tonight I’m definitely taking a sleeping pill, and back to that if I need to.

I was thinking of a warm bath, but moving…

I can do a month! Right?

And however long the EDS clinic takes…

๐Ÿ’œ

 

 

Stumbling Around in the Light

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Good God I’m tired. I woke up this morning feeling well. I had energy. I made plans! I finished my vaping and decided to call my Mom as I hadn’t called her in ages. Halfway through the call, I lost all my energy. It just disappeared. I was so disappointed. ย I had planned to do some fun makeup things, prep for Instagram and my Beauty Blog. It was not meant to be. I ended up trying to cry, but I was too tired to produce tears.

I had another three hour nap this afternoon. I put on some golf to listen to, and was out.

So I’m currently sitting amongst makeup detritus, waiting for my husband to come to bed so we can snuggle and I can go to sleep again.

I picked up a phone message yesterday and it seems my gastroenterologist from hell retired at the end of March. Everyone knew this but me, apparently, I guess I was trying too hard to stay upright I didn’t see the signs posted in the office, and husband didn’t mention it. I’m annoyed and relieved. It explains why he gave no fucks. Likely why he wasn’t interested in a long term patient. Let’s start over, shall we? Sounds like fun.

I have so much to do, so much to say, stuff to do, and zero energy. Ugh.

Is there such a thing as like medicinal energy drinks? Medicinal meth? In my day it was cocaine I guess. I was thinking, what speeds you up? Speed? ย Lol. I’m soo into drug culture, can you tell? I had a friend who used to show up with pot in high school. Perfect with the pain of my menstrual cramps, we now know I have endometriosis, but that’s all the unprescribed drugs I took. I can feel crappy all on my own.

One Facebook friend? had a status today that read 90% of illness is emotionally related. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

I read one of those anecdote collection of medical stories, and it told of this one student who was sitting behind another student who pulled out a bottle of Tylenol and counted out 8 pills and went to swallow them before he stopped her and asked what she was doing. She said her pain was at an 8, so she was taking 8 tablets. That’s why doctors ask you to rate your pain out of 10, right? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Scary.

Okay. I’m worn out. My hands are feeling good from all the rest, they’re just cold! ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a lovely evening, my Zebras! ๐Ÿ˜˜

 

Thinking About Stuff

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I’ve been thinking of my post of yesterday, since I’m lying here with a bout of painsomnia, and while I wrote that while vaping, I think I need to make some amendments.

I didn’t mean to sound joyful that I have no friends, because I do have friends. I am just recognizing some old patterns of people beginning to move on. It is a relief in some ways right now, as I don’t have the spoons to deal with much of anything, however, I know I will be lonely in a couple of weeks when I’m feeling a bit better. What can you do, though.

The signs? The calls drop off, they start to pick fights with you over nothing. They have time for others but not you. They don’t leave you messages like they used to, they ignore your messages. They attack you on Facebook. It’s not pretty sometimes. If it gets really nasty, their friends join in, but that hasn’t happened to me, thank goodness.

I guess I’m happy that I don’t have to put out the energy at the moment. I just had my treatment, and I’m more exhausted than usual. I can’t even joke with my husband. It’s too much.

I need to cut back my existence, and I’m cutting it to where I want it. Talking about what I want to, eating what I want, being what I want. It’s a revelation. I don’t have the energy for more. I don’t expect this to continue forever, or past the weekend. But people ask how I feel and if I need things and listen. It’s shocking.

On the other side, there are lulls in every friendship. If this is one, so be it. Is my health setback teaching me my limitations? Where I need to draw the line?

I have asked several of my friends to read my blog. Some have refused, saying we can talk about these issues. Yet we never seem to. I’m sure some have and do read it. I appreciate everyone who takes a minute to read my words and take this journey with me. I can’t think of a higher compliment.

I’m feeling very confused right now. Please don’t confuse this with unhappiness. I feel like I am doing a lot of growing. Shedding a skin, gaining a new confidence. It’s so strange as I need to retreat further into shelter of bed and medicine I feel more confident, but I do. I feel more settled. It’s almost like I was scared to be alone, and I found out I’m okay! (That’s so strange but it’s 1:40 am)

I’ve been wondering if it’s just Canada that people don’t reach out assuming you’re bothering someone or prying. Except for one or two people I have to contact everyone, and I don’t have the energy even on a good run.

That’s not to say people won’t be welcomed back if their schedule lightens up. Providing I’m not an international supermodel by then. ย ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I have one friend who habitually reminds me I’m not her #1 friend, I get it.

Speaking of modeling and #1 friends… ๐Ÿ˜ˆ I put this photo up on Instagram the other day, no big.

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No big deal, it’s me wearing a Kate Sommerville anti acne mask. (Try to keep it together you know who you are! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚) Well, Kate Sommerville PR, sees this and asks to use it. Which cracks my friend up no end. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I’m glad I could bring her joy. All that makeup expertise, and I slap on a mask, the crowd goes wild.

I slept most of the afternoon again yesterday. It helped. I want to sleep now, but husband is snoring, it’s raining, and I’m aching. I dislocated my jaw again. My daughter brought me a cold hamburger from the fridge and I was so hungry I tried it. Dumb. I just had the damn shots, too. Idiot.

I’m still nauseated. So it kind of doesn’t matter, anyway. I had a Mars bar. I’m still under my calorie count.

What do you think they might do to my pubic bone to make it not hurt? Duct tape? Let’s start around my hips and get more intimate if we have to.

OK, ย it’s almost 2 am. I’d better try to sleep!

‘Night Zebras! ๐Ÿ˜˜