Good News! I’m alive!

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Well, I suppose that depends on your perspective, but I’m happy I’m starting to feel human again. 🤣 I believe sleeping so much yesterday helped a lot. Usually sleeping so much doesn’t do much to tackle the exhaustion. Things are different when we are dealing with the flu.

It’s funny to me it takes so long to figure out when I have a flu bug or something. I get to feeling worse and worse, and my brain gets less able to figure out what is going on. Being nauseated and tired all the time is nothing new. Dizziness is standard. Flare-up happen. Headaches are constant. At least now I feel like I have one flu instead of two. And why do I get sores on my tongue every time I get sick now? Do not like. (When my daughter was a baby she used to say “Do not like it -push” 😂 she’s so funny).

Two weeks to neurologist appointment. I’m hanging in there. I’m hanging a lot on this. I know this is very dangerous, but it’s all I’ve got.

I am going to shop for some supplies. I am going to look for some aromatherapy supplies. I still have horrific menstrual cramps. Year’s ago a combination of bergamot and ylang ylang in oil massaged on my abdomen used to help. If you try this, it is not safe for pregnant women, because it can cause uterine cramping. I want to find some support pillows, and something to help me apply lotion when my husband and chief lotion-spreader isnt around.  Or is sleeping. 😊

I have new boxes to get organized, so I’m going to do just a tiny bit of that while I have the spoons and need to lie down again. Ten minutes?  I love making my nest cozy. Then I’m going to watch episode 2 of AHS:Cult. I’m so afraid of clowns! 🤡 Even before it was trendy! Maybe this week I can catch up on OITNB and Kimmy Schmidt, too. I’m even thinking of picking up a book. I feel centred enough to try.

I hope you’re doing well!

💜

PS, I felt like a real Zebra the other day! I was doing something where I put my arms out or something, and my son freaked out and asked if I was turning my arm upside down because it looked freaky. My arms are pretty normal, as Zebra arms go, but it made me laugh. 😄

More Feelings

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Wasn’t it just three weeks ago I was all tearful and sobbing? Yeah it was. I checked the date, January 21, 2017. Here I am feeling like an idiot again. This is kind of hard to explain to people who don’t have chronic pain, and maybe this is something that is really unique to me, but let me try to explain how I feel. Firstly, my body feels like I was in a bar fight last night, with the Montreal Canadiens. And Tie Domi. I also feel like I may never ever stop feeling like this. I worry I’m starting to become a burden.

People tell me “don’t be silly, or don’t think so negatively!” I’d rather have evidence that I’m not a burden.

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Then, when I get onto social media and everyone is sniping, speaking condescendingly to me, missing obvious hyperbole, being obstinate for no purpose… I find myself ditched by people I had admired… my feelings are hurt, but not in a “whyyyy?” way, but in a “am I really this out of touch?” way. It makes you rethink people you had associated with and trusted. I continue to place my trust in the wrong places and be burned. I fight the urge to pull back because it is not going to be advantageous in the long run. Only if I continue to put myself out there, will I make valuable connections along the way. Some tears will be spilled. But if we’ve experienced no failures, it means we’ve taken no chances.

Maybe I’d be stronger on a better day. Today I feel like everybody thinks I’m an asshole. Which doesn’t mean they don’t like me, but that I’m really not that bright. I do get that a lot. Thinking about it now, it only bothers me from the few people who know me and think this anyway.

It’s as if makeup sucks the intelligence out of your head. Dare to show an interest in artistry, and God forbid a concrete thought enter your brain.

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I don’t know why people who have known me for years don’t ask me questions and instead get defensive. If I say something that comes off mean, I’ve probably missed a word! Or a sentence! I don’t think I’ve ever said anything deliberately mean to anyone. So why don’t people ask me? It’s not like something actually happened recently, it’s just this has been on my mind.

My Mom sent me an email around midnight last night saying her skin was itchy and flaky, so I called her today, and we went over some options. I think Husband needs to stop at the drug store to get some things and I will ship it to her since she can’t get out because of looking after my Dad. I have the nicest man in the world! I just talked with him and he was so accommodating!

My husband and son are out shopping for shoes for the kid and getting Panda Express for dinner. It’s off my diet, FODMAP, but what’s more pain? That orange chicken is worth it! I was in labour for 96 hours with that girl! Oh, this is my daughter’s birthday dinner. We are starting early and snacking all day.

It’s super snowy here today, so I know that’s making things worse. 😣 My pain gets bad in snow, and awful when temperature fluctuates.

I should go play with some makeup, that ought to make me feel better. Maybe.

Have a bendy day, zebra friends! 😘

The Daily Grind

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I was looking for baby photos of my daughter to post on Facebook to embarrass her, when I came across this one.  My daughter took this of me taking a Selfie,  because she thought my hands were hilarious. They do look pretty EDS-y. Is that a thing? You can see my index finger clearly showing swan neck deformity. This was taken October of 2015.

I found the makeup palette I was looking for. It was in the drawer beside my bed. I don’t often wear my glasses at home, so I sometimes don’t see things in front of my face. I swear I looked there, though! With my glasses and everything! I also promised my husband I would call and confirm his appointment with a sleep specialist. Promptly forgot. Sigh. He remembered and did it, though.

My son didn’t make it to school all week due to anxiety. I feel for him. Grade 7 is horrible. Aspergers is horrible on the downslope. On the upside, it can be beautiful. I kind of want to blog about this journey, but three is too many. Beauty will have to go. Not ready yet.

I’m scheduled to see my friend tonight and she sent me an email saying she’s ready, but she understands if I can’t make it. Which means she loves me, but she loves her bed, too. 😁 I completely get it! I asked if she would mind coming over and ordering in. She gets to see my family, always a treat. But it’s a quiet night. I hope it’s okay, because I don’t know if I can go out. I’m getting frightened of going out without my husband. Part because of ice, and part because of pain. My back is so sore, still. I can’t even really sit up very well. My abdomen, holy moly! I am having the worst cramps. Everything from under my breasts to my pelvis is just one knot of pain. I don’t even know how I’m typing right now. Distraction.

I wanted a bath last night, but my husband was working from home and just sent me to bed at 1:00. Once again, woke up at 6:30. But this time my stupid cable box wasn’t working. He wasn’t home yet, as he took our son to physio, but he worked on the TV thing when he got home. We need a technician now. It’s just my room, too. Boo.

Of course, because I slept so long yesterday I missed a dose of medications, and that can’t be good. I’m probably long past it now. I still want to curl up and sleep. I know if I take extra medication, it will knock me out anyway.

I’d better do something, or I’m going to eat all the cookies in the world…Likely check my social media then nap again.

Stay bendy, my zebras!