Yay! Pain is Fun!

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My nerve block from the end of May is wearing off significantly, and I am in pain. My face is very sore, making eating and speaking uncomfortable. The back of my head really hurts, traveling down my neck into my shoulders. I’m trying to be as calm and relaxed as possible. I think this will mean avoiding people for a bit. I’m very much an introvert, and I am quite sensitive. Knowing this about myself helps to make good decisions about setting boundaries. I’m not exactly great with boundary setting, but I need to work on this for my own health.

I tried the Cefaly on cycle 2 and found it surprisingly gentle. Almost more gentle than the gentle cycle. Electrode placement is so important. I’m now doing two cycles a day. It is helping so much. I’m still lying in the dark, but can watch TV, so am not bored too much. Using a tablet is tough for too long, and my vision is quite blurry.

My digestive system is very grouchy. I hope I see that GI doc soon. So uncomfortable. I found some exercises for my pubic bone online. I will try those starting Monday. I don’t want to hurt myself knowing we are going to the Banksy exhibit this weekend.  My first non-doctor outing in a year!

I approached my doctor about a breast reduction also. I don’t know how likely, but I am so uncomfortable all the time. I have sores, I can’t wear a proper bra because the band hurts my stomach. The straps even of a bralette dig into my shoulders. Despite the EDS, I have had 10 surgeries, four non-keyhole, and only one took a bit to heal because it was at my waistband.  Maybe? I sent an email afterwards, so we will see. The EDS clinic doctors seem super nice!

So, I am waiting for my treatment to begin, essentially. Saving my energy. I feel like garbage, but I have felt worse. I need some me-time. I’m pretty exhausted from trying to be social. From trying to make friends, from battling sheer assholishness. Putting up walls for people who refuse to accept boundaries. I didn’t realize it would be this much work to explain and explain again things that seem so simple to me. Like, please don’t ring my phone repeatedly after 9:00 PM because you feel chatty. Or ring my phone repeatedly at all. Or write nasty comments on my Instagram page because I haven’t returned your DM. You can see me writing about chronic pain.

I’m tired.

Happy Pride Month!

🦓

Cefaly at Two Weeks

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My approximation of the box pose, only more ‘me’

Along with getting rid of my chronic case of tech neck, I am dearly hoping mid-July’s Botox treatment will give me the pain relief I seek. The last doctor treatment for migraine (or anything, actually) was May 28 when I had the nerve block. Over time, my facial pain, the pain in the back of my head that radiates down my neck and into my shoulders returns as the day wears on. On the plus side, I can sit up for ages before becoming dizzy. I usually become sore first. I have several lamps now and aim them all over the place at various levels to limit pain. Noise levels are still problematic.

Anyway, The Cefaly.

There are two types of Cefaly units. The US one, and the

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The Cefaly Box

Canadian and rest of the world? European? one. From what I understand, the US model has one speed and an allowable wear time of 20 minutes.

My model has three speeds 1. Active Headache 2. Prevent 3. Gentle and is allowed to be worn all day. (The website at http://www.cefaly-technology.com explains all this).

Included in the box is a set of electrodes, (3 maybe? My husband ordered a whole bunch so I got confused.) And some forehead wipes.

Cefaly works by cleaning your forehead with the wipe. Bioderma is the closest sub for this. It must be non-oily. Next you place the provided electrode (powered by 2AA batteries, don’t worry) on your forehead. The brochure will describe this, don’t worry. Mid forehead. You then slide the lovely Wonder Woman Headband down your head until it engages with the electrode. Press the button on your WWH until you get your program. (In US this is ONCE). Enjoy your 20 minute treatment. Repeat if desired, unless American. Lowest price we found in Canada was $299 at Costco.ca.

I am fortunate to have the gentle cycle, because I am very sensitive to TENS! Yes, I had no clue this was TENS at all. I had used a machine once at my grandmother’s house once about 25 years ago and it was so incredibly painful.

The first time I used it, thoughts I had included:

“Dear God, I hope this thing shuts off eventually. What if it doesn’t?”

“This feels like Dave Grohl playing timpani on my sinuses!”

“Did I buy a home ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) machine by accident?”*

*(I had a family member go through this treatment several times, we discussed it,  plus the awful scene in cuckoo’s nest, I understand it was a very mild situation.  My brains were being scrambled, and I was getting scared. That’s where my weird mind went.)

But I endured. The next therapy I needed to stop about 5 minutes in. It was just too painful. My husband complained of a headache that evening, so it was time for an experiment. He got to wear the band. He couldn’t feel anything! I couldn’t believe it.

 

The next time I used Cefaly, I sat up and carefully applied the electrode supplied, to my forehead using a mirror to judge the best spot midway between my eyebrows/forehead ridge and the start of where my forehead curves. This session was so much less painful. It still hurt, but was much better.  This time I noticed how much better I felt after the session. I had about 10 minutes where I felt I still was wearing the headband, and I was kind of scrambled for a few minutes, like waking from a nap. My shoulder and neck pain was so much better, and my facial pain was from a 6 to a 3 or 2.

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Electrode Placement is Very Important

 

The next three or four days were tough, as I had excessive sleeping. I would lie down for a quick nap, planning to wake around 5 for dinner, do my therapies; and wake up the next morning.  I’ve done sessions over the last three days, still on gentle. However, now the painful part is only a couple of minutes and I tend to fall asleep for the last part of the session. The damn beeping to signal the finish always wakes me. I’m thinking of going up to level 2 soon.

 

  • Having your electrode placed properly is very important. Use a mirror.
  • I found having the TV or something on is helpful to pass time or distract.
  • Bioderma is a fantastic substitute for the included wipes. I have not found a distributor. Alcohol is too drying and will degrade your electrode pad.
  • Just press the button for emergency stop. 
  • Two AA batteries.

 

At this point I am looking forward to my afternoon sessions. It’s like a challenge.

The fantastic part is my insurance reimbursed us for it. Yay!

Verdict: Even though I am sensitive to TENS, this product is highly effective in reducing and treating my headaches. Where I would expect to be useless, I can take a treatment and after 20 minutes my pain is seriously reduced.  I’m amazed.

I will keep you posted!

 

My brain…. molasses or something.

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I am in excruciating pain. My pubic bone and my back are at war. All my fingernails are squishy, so many just tore I ripped them all short. I am taking vitamins,  but I need to sleep again. I can feel the nerve block being gone. My face hurts just so much. It’s not so bad first thing when I wake up, but as the day progresses,  the pain gets worse and my spelling, vision and coordination also deteriorate.

I need to hang on to mid July. Whee! I am working on Cefaly first impressions, but this flare up, which I think was from deviating from FODMAP, actually.  I had some not gluten-free snacks. I think that is my kryptonite. One snack has molasses, and I can have 100 g with no issues. But gluten is out of bounds for me.

My memory is horrible.  I can’t concentrate on anything or think at all. Is it the pain or medication? I don’t know. I am trying so hard. You can tell it’s bad now.

Love.

Intrigue…

giphy3In my previous post, belatedly posted, we established I have chronic migraine and messages between my doctor and me were not being relayed through the clinic, like they were supposed to be. My doctor was displeased, but I saw her at her home hospital, and I am on the pain clinic waiting list at the EDS hospital. The issue is, not many doctors hold a license for prescribing one drug I am on, but have been trying to quit, but my doc hasn’t had enough time to make that happen. Now it’s a priority. So I have to go back to the bad clinic for a bit.

Well, I just received a call saying there was a cancellation at the bad clinic and they called me right away because they know I am in need and they want to have a discussion about my needs going forward.

Anyone else sense a clinic about to lose a lucrative client?

I am certain my migraine doctor spoke up about leaving me hanging for three months. Part of the reason I hadn’t directly emailed my doctor earlier is I had once, and received a confirmation call from the nurse on duty who refused to speak to my husband, who is by my side constantly through this, and eleven years at this clinic, he has signed all forms indicating he is my proxy. She made it sound definitely not okay to be emailing.

Or, it could be just to refill my prescriptions.

Anyway, my migraine doctor recommended a new 20180525_120251.jpgmachine alled Cefaly. I hope it makes me look like Wonder Woman. I haven’t tried it yet. They zip tied the zippers on the case together and I thought I might sever an artery if I tried to cut it open. My husband opened it with nail clippers. Genius.

I am losing large chunks of my brain, it seems. I just can’t remember things. My brain is usually razor sharp. I’m forgetting how to spell! Well, but am I forgetting, or just screwing up? I wonder.

I’m starting to relax a bit. I hope to blog a bit more. Truthfully, Things have been tough. My parents follow me everywhere on social media, and are asking so many questions; after our distant relationship, it’s really hard to adjust. I’ve tried speaking with them, but I don’t think they get it. They imagine me talking to friends or my kids or my husband. No! Most of my friends deserted me. My kids are introverted teens. They talk to me when they need their Dad to understand something, and my husband gets up at 5 am, gets home at 8:30 and I may see him from 9:30 to 11 pm if he stays up late and I’m not in a sleep phase.

But things are getting better. I have more friends now. I’m not always sleeping. Though I have my weeks. My sister was here at Christmas, but the last thing I did with a friend was last June. Ha. Last time I even went out that wasn’t a doctor appointment. That sucks.

It’s just tough having your parents witness your every human interaction. My mom means well, but she offers opinions, and I take it as criticism (because it always has been in the past, even though she doesn’t mean it that way?), partly it’s great that people are treating me as normal, but I am really delicate still. I don’t get jokes much, (maybe it’s living with three people with autism?) Maybe I am too weak, still? I feel as if we are just going to end up hurting each other or saying something the other will misunderstand, because it’s easy, and I am in pain or the medication has made me fuzzy. But I feel too weak to have the conversation, too.

Blah, it’s awful. Does anyone else feel like this or am I awful? Or both.

On a lighter note, shortly after my Botox in July, I’m getting my hair done! Decided. 😜

Much love

 

You Can’t Tell Me What To Do!

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I really don’t get the chance to interact with many people. It’s a huge effort for me. But your husband and kids! People exclaim. I see my kids when they drop off food, they are teens! Introverts at that. My husband arrives home from work around 7:30 and must take care of homework and lunches and clean up, so he rolls into bed around 9:00. I have an hour or so, if I managed to stay awake.

So, when I get to speak with a new person it’s pretty exciting! Unfortunately, though, some people (though their heart is in the right place, I’m sure, wanting to help) start in with the “You know what you need to do…” and it’s very rarely helpful. Now, of course I am not dismissing carefully considered suggestions, I’m not unilateral in this! What I’m talking about are the questions that could be better phrased as why questions. The ‘You need to find a new doctor’ ‘you need a housekeeper’ ‘the waiting list for neurologists is six years’  these types of unhelpful comments.

It would also be nice to be asked how I’m feeling, but we might all be pretending everything is fine.

I’m still lying here in the semi-darkness, grumbling most of the time. I feel like my life is flying by. I’ve been lying here for a year. I’m gaining weight back because I can’t move. I am having huge gastro problems. I’m so tired today, I can barely move. I’m not sleeping properly, pain is waking me up. My joints are so weak and painful I can barely do anything. I am so angry at being ignored. How much more of my life am I going to spend lying here?  I can do NOTHING right now. Even watching television is a struggle as the light and noise can only last so long.

I did buy a cervical pillow from Wal-Mart, it’s very nice. It’ helping my neck pain. I lie on it at first, after being propped up a bit and my neck hurts so much, but the next day it feels good. Less pain than usual.

I feel like if I could have a good stretch I’d be better. Momentarily, anyway…

 

After the awful van attack in Toronto,  one of the victims’ spiritual leader said she had so many loyal and beloved friends because she was a good person.  *Well* it’s really good to know where I stand. 🤔 Perhaps I should stick to Christianity over Buddhism, as it lauds suffering. 😄(Emotionally self-inflicted counts 😜).

Ugh, just occurred to me, my throat kind of hurts – I get really angsty and grouchy when getting sick. (Started to get that way around age 35. Awful.) At least it doesn’t take weeks to get over anymore.

Time for more rest.

Waiting for Results

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I had the MRI as planned last week. They had to redo a portion of it because I was moving, but I was in so much pain I couldn’t be still. My back was just so sore, being flat. Somehow this is affecting my back, and this pain is the worst pain. It almost affects me more than anything.

I played with makeup for a couple of days. It was tons of fun, but a bit of shadow kept falling in my eyes, as i had to do it lying on my back. I’m resting today. I haven’t seen my husband since yesterday morning because I have been asleep. I was awake all weekend, so I need it.

I am so weak yet so hungry. My body is gearing up for something.

I may be a bit less frequent than usual. I don’t have much energy these days. I only seem to have enough to buy scented candles. And makeup. But that’s not hard. I’m going to try going on a no buy tomorrow for the rest of the month. We shall see.

Exhausted.

Sick? Well, I Feel Sick.

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I’m not certain if I’m actually ill or if my body just quit on me. Not that dramatically, of course. I am aware it could quit to a much greater degree.

I should probably stop here and warn you this might get a bit weird and rambly, as I have spent the past couple of days on nighttime Tylenol cold and flu trying to keep my sinuses clear, because otherwise my head is killing me. I have eaten, but I should eat more. My stomach is playing a horrible game of Would You Rather? with my head: if I stay lying down, my heartburn is horrific. I breathe fire! If I sit up, my stomach is better, but my head hurts. I have fun arranging pillows and stuffed animals in various positions… as I was rambling 

So, ahem, I am lying in bed watching trashy tv and eating bon bons and cold pizza, dressing in cute outfits, shopping for more, applying masks, lotions, and thoroughly enjoying it. I am prioritizing myself. Of course, I have worked up to this. Wednesday and Thursday I slept. The mask and lotioning is tbd after nap. I am so exhausted. I feel like something is going on, sinus-wise, and I have huge dark circles under my eyes. It’s quite tough to tell, because I use a CPAP and the constant air pressure keeps your sinuses in your nose fairly clear.

I am staring down one of my biggest fears. What!? I have a lot. This one happens to be: Being thought of as lazy. Even if it’s only me who knows, at least I know I did something. It’s not good for my health.

What scares me? I’m enjoying the relaxation. I’m scared that I won’t be ready for work (not real work, since im pretty sure that ship has sailed, I mean like for family and stuff) when I need to be. What if the world falls apart without me?

What if it doesn’t?

I’m going to laze around for a few more days. I’m enjoying how my breathing is so much smoother. My husband is thrilled because he thinks this is what the doctor intended. All rest, all the time.

These days it does take all my strength and concentration to get anything done.  I know I’m supposed to get in touch with so many people but I don’t think I can function that way at the moment. I’m trying!

Hugs.

I’m falling asleep…🙁