A Delicate Matter

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Firstly, I am in a slightly better position as to where my pain is. I’m more stable. The area is still very tender, and I’m trying to be delicate with it. I’m as medicated as I can be, and am trying to relax.

Another piece of good news is my son is on his way home from his school trip. I’m so pleased he did it, as there was some questions about his anxiety keeping him home.

Part of relaxing, I’m finding, is staying away from social media. This is unfortunate, as I don’t have many other ways to socialize. I made many new friends after Trump was elected President in the United States, many of us lefties banded together, they let me play from Canada, and I was very happy to do so. However, I’m finding many people are not at all sensitive to the needs or lifestyle of someone with chronic pain or with a chronic illness, and it’s been a huge adjustment. Not just with new friends, either.

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This week, especially, with the lack of sleep and needing to take extra medication has really underlined this phenomenon to me. I mean, I know I’m a sensitive person, but there’s a point. I had posted something and worded it awkwardly, and instead of saying I worded it awkwardly, my friend made fun of it, like I knew, or had done it on purpose. I don’t mind the teasing, but when I’ve goofed, because I’ve been drugged and sleep deprived, don’t think I’m going to ‘get’ something. It’s almost like expecting the parents of a newborn to pick up on subtleties. Not going to work. I constantly remind myself to be flattered to be mistaken for a normal, but I get frustrated.

I had another person go off on me because I used a word she didn’t like. Often, I find, people will hear I’m disabled and hear ‘captive audience’ or ‘someone always available’ those actually in this situation know there is so much we can do, if we want to, or have the spoons! Unfortunately, I find I often get imbued with many attributes by people I’m newly meeting, which I don’t possess and are then punished when I turn out to be me.

I am particularly sensitive to these issues, I suppose, because I work so hard to express myself. It’s not something I take lightly, and I actually care about people, so when I am shoved aside accused of being uncaring based on a poor word choice after a lengthy disclaimer about being tired and on heavy meds but still trying to be there… it’s frustrating. Do people hear disability, think deformity and don’t even consider pain?

I suppose it’s just hard right now. I have a few close friends,  but no one nearby. I have friends on social media, but it seems many of them are leaving in droves as I can’t be political enough or posting enough for them. I am getting damn sick of the sexual harassment. It’s not frequent, but it’s traumatizing. Especially when you feel awful.

I didn’t mean to be such a downer today. I just feel a bit lost. I’m not sad or angry, just pensive.

Hope you’re having a great day, Zebra friends! 😘

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