Space Toilets

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I was reminded of a story about my son, who is almost 13. He has Aspergers, and suffers from anxiety. He had heard about debris being let go from planes and it landing on people and animals, sometimes hurting or killing them. We talked about this, and he understood the waste from planes rarely hits anyone in Canada, because of our sparse population, and even though he knew it was wrong, his brain had made it so he was afraid toilets would fall from the sky. He laughed with us at the ridiculousnessĀ of this, but was still afraid to go outside for a week. Isn’t it funny how our brain works sometimes? I miss this kid.

I made sure I took my full complement of meds today, with vaping, and I had so much pain, still. I even took my breakthrough meds, and nothing. I got a lot of odds and ends done this morning, and this afternoon, I played with makeup. I tried a new palette and took some photos. It was fine, but you could see the pain in my face. I had fun, though.

I spent some time photographing my collections. That was distracting. My sleep specialist doctor called. She wanted to rebook my appointment. This is the doctor that monitors my CPAP machine. I was supposed to see her today, but couldn’t get there on my own. So we rebooted for the 6th of March. The office calls back 5 hours later to book an appointment with my husband for the results of his sleep study. I then introduce myself and we find a day we can do the appointments back to back, and settle for March 13. My husband is quite slim, but snores, and occasionally stops breathing while he sleeps. It’s like he holds his breath. Not a fan. I was supposed to let the doctor know every time I gained or lost 20 lbs. Oopsie. I have about 80 missing. I suspect another test in my future.

Another first last night. I was shopping on Sephora, and bought a gorgeous lip gloss, I requested notification of restock on two other colours. Those colours came into stock around 11:30 and I remember looking at the email… but I guess I must have purchased them, because they are on their way! šŸ˜ƒ

It’s been rough trying to communicate lately, I’ve been just falling down exhausted. I’m just floored by the number of people who have no issue with mocking what I’m saying or how I’ve said something. I’m not always the most elegant speaker, but goddamnit, I am so anxious about it, why do I get kicked when I finally try?

I was once a part of this group, it was a very important group to me. It was online. I had tons of friends, I had thought. I was trying to explain about my pain and what it was like to be on those horrible oxycodone pills, that you had to take every four hours, but would wear out at hour three, so you were in screaming pain for an hour. I had mentioned my prescription kept increasing, and some ‘person’ decided I was a drug addicted drug abuser who was abusing my children. Went off the rails, I was not well enough nor grounded enough to defend myself, and poof. Life gone. No more friendships. I was compared to Rush Limbaugh. For the record, I absolutely took my medication as prescribed. I am notorious for under-medicating, actually, which is terrible. I should be absolutely consistent and on time, but it’s hard to remember, or I will do it in a minute!

I don’t know why I’m so introspective today. Maybe I’m just tired. I know I’ve been struck by the amount of ableist initiatives our government is putting forth, and I’m almost in the mood to start making a stink about one or two.

Almost.

Maybe it’s been one too many times of explaining why I am this way, or why I can’t… or why I can’t do something. I feel a lot of loss lately.

I’m going to troll around and do some reading, edit some of my photos.

Stay warm, my zebra friends! šŸ˜˜

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