Reality

Via Buzzfeed

Awww,  wasn’t that cute? My previous post.

Now let’s talk actual fact.

I haven’t bathed in at least a week.  Washed my hair in almost two. (Don’t worry, I’m a curly girl, some of us wash once a week, it’s not quite as bad as it sounds.) Sink baths, meh.

I haven’t bathed because it hurts so much to get over there, get to the tub, have it run, get in, wash, get out (never mind the hair) dry? Throw on a robe, and fall into bed. Even if I get someone to run the tub, it won’t be right, and, frankly, sitting up is kind of a challenge right now. My back seizes up every few minutes and I have to lie back again.  It’s exhausting. And I have other things I want to do and no place to go, so I will cover it with sink baths and deodorant  (I don’t do sink baths and deodorant, too much work to walk to bathroom). Tomorrow. I need to do it tomorrow,  this is ridiculous. But should it take my energy for a half day to wash my hair and bathe?

I’m laying here (or am I lying here? Lieing? Oh jeez, this could go for days, more tomorrow) at 1 am because I’m in pain. Or is it that adrenaline spike? Or was it that 2 hour nap I had, when I just couldn’t stay awake? The medication I’m on should take care of my being awake right now, anyway.

My back hurts, one of the treatments isn’t working as well anymore and I’m nervous.  My knees hurt.  My elbows hurt. My fingers hurt to the point where every keystroke is agony, but I have to try. It’s distracting. I can’t just lie here and think about it.

I know the worst thing to do for a bad back is to stay horizontal,  my knees are killing me.  They also feel better when I move around, so the secret was to never have gotten into this mess. How did that happen? Oh, right! That darn chronic fatigue!

I used to be able to pull all nighters at work! Now I’m down to maybe 3 hours on a good day, and if we bring the wheelchair.  (Which we rent, I’m not at buying stage yet-denial) trying to embrace the bright side of always being available for my kids, living a simpler life, having more time to read, not having to travel, um…help me out here! 😊

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